How can I change my MOH without hurting her feelings and still having her at the wedding?

Question

I asked my best friend of 20 years to be my MOH, and she was excited and accepted and everything. I was willing to deal with her living in another state, another friend of mine volunteered to carry out pre-wedding responsibilities, so everything was taken care of on that issue. But now I can barely get in touch with my MOH to talk about details of the wedding like the dress she's going to wear, her shoes, etc. She's been working 85 hours a week just so she and her live in boyfriend can make ends meet. We haven't even ordered her dress yet because she hasn't had time to go get fitted for it, and now she's telling me that she may not be able to afford it. I offered to pay for it because it's not that expensive and I just want her there. I don't know what to do anymore. These things need to get done, but she's not being flexible to help at all. I want her there so badly, I haven't seen her in almost 6 years, and we promised to be each others MOH's, but I don't think she knew what was going to be happening to her when she agreed to be my MOH. I don't want to change MOH's, but what choice do I have, she won't make time to do anything I ask her, and she never has time to call me about any of it. It's 6 months til the wedding, and at this rate she won't even have the money to get here for the wedding. What do I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I still want her to come if she can. I'm so confused

Answer 1

Maybe she really just hasn't had the time yet. If you still have 6 months it really isn't necessary for her to go out and buy the dress yet. Are you being over-eager and driving her crazy with phone calls? Don't forget that your wedding isn't nearly as important to her as it is to you.

Or maybe she really can't afford it or just doesn't want to do it. Maybe she only said yes because she was worried about hurting your feelings. If you think that is the case, you should call her and have a dialogue about this where you make it easy for her to dip out if she wants to without feeling bad.  

Answer 2

Tell her what you just told us. She's either invested all the way or she's out. A BF should know that.

Answer 3

You should really talk to her and tell her that you love her and would still love her to be your MOH, but tell her there are things that you need her to do in order for her to stay your MOH. Even ask her if she still wants to be your MOH (the resposibility may be too much for her). If she doesn't think that she can live up to her responsiblities as your MOH tell her that you would be devistated if she didn't come to the wedding and that maybe she could do something else in the wedding, such as candle lighter, toast to the bride..etc. Hope this helps!  

Answer 4

OMG I was in the exact same situation! I simply explained to my MOH that I sympathized with her situation (being so busy) and that I wanted to add a second MOH to help with some of the responsibilities. It was great because I had a Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor and I didn't have to hurt anyone's feelings.

Answer 5

u havent seen her for 6 years?!thts a long time, i think u should call her right now n say ur worried about arrangements and u need to meet up soon and if she cant do it just let u kno

goodluck with wedding hunny

xx

Answer 6

First, there is no  rule that says you can't have more than one MOH. So, I'd start by honoring the other maid with the title if you feel she needs to have the title.  She may be understanding of the fact that the first MOH is out of town and has no problem filling in just as a maid.  But don't rule out having two MOH's.

Next, ask your friend if she can still make it to the wedding because it seems like she may have time and financial constraints.  I offered to give some money to a friend to help her pay for a plane ticket to my wedding.  But, there was only so much I could do.  She needed a place to stay and she couldn't stay with me because I was getting married and going on my honeymoon.

Do what you can to help your friend but she may not be able to make it and might feel too bad about it to fess up.  Be the big woman and help get the conversation flowing.  Darnit, even if that means texting her!

Answer 7

if you can afford to bring her than bring her.