How can I chose between losing my wife or my daughter?

Question

My wife's doctor told me that it's risky to continue the pregnancy, but if we end it now, it might be too early to save the baby. How can he make me make a decision like this? She's been told that she can never be pregnant again.

Answer 1

Need more details. What's the cause of her pregnancy being risky? Many high risk pregnancies can be hospitalized and supervised. We did that frequently at the hospitals I use to work. Find out if this is an option. If not, don't forget you can always adopt, or if you have the money take one of the more scientific methods into place. A surrogate Mother who agrees to be fertilized with your sperm is just one example of an option. I really need more details.

Answer 2

This is something that only your wife can truly decide, I'm afraid.  

Answer 3

I agree with Joeshmoe.  How can this even be a decision?  If my husband was seriously considering letting me die to POSSIBLY save an unborn child (I don't know how far along she is).....well, let's just say I would not marry someone who would even think such a thing.

Answer 4

Tough decision

but.....there are plenty of babies/kids waiting for a new family

( adoption)...ask yourself   do you love your wife ? Then save her.

Are you willing to spend a life time of caring for a extremely ill child if it does survive, would you be able to handle this  financially and emotionally for the rest of your lives?

There is always a chance God willing that the pregnancy does go full term....This is a extremely personal choice--- what does your wife want?  Does she want to live? Are you willing/able  to take care of a baby possibly ill alone without your wife?..could you handle a funeral after the birth of yur baby ?

Pray for guidance and see another physician for a second opinion  

Answer 5

If you were my husband Id dump you. How can you even think that there is a choice.

If she is smart she will save herself and find a nother husband down the road who would not even question this- u sound like you want a womb and to procreate more than saving your wife.

Answer 6

The choice isn't yours to make. If your wife decides to risk her life for the sake of the baby, that's one thing. Her doctor might allow the pregnancy to continue but 9 times outta 10, if her life is that much at risk, they'll terminate the pregnancy. They can't force your wife to terminate the pregnancy though. I'm not a medical professional but it seems to me that if the s*x of the baby has already been determined, there is a chance for her survival outside the womb. You said that your doctor said that the baby "might" not survive. That tells me that there is a chance that she will survive.

If I were you, I'd always want my life partner over someone I didn't know (which is the case of your unborn baby). However, I wouldn't give up on either one. I'd give as much love to the unborn baby and as much support to my wife as I could and let God handle the rest.

Answer 7

you can adopt later, her health is  in danger!

Answer 8

first of all..find out your options about the pregnancy. then youll know better as to what to do. if she is far along enough can she have a c section? what exactly is wrong?..things like that.

if it were me, i would find this situation difficult as well...talk with your partner is a vital thing at this moment..find out what she wants to do and decide together and most of all give her support. she is probably feeling horrible about herself more than anything. personally..there is always adoption, you cant replace your partner. i know its different when the baby is your own, but you would at least have each other and a baby to love and care for. She on the other hand is thinking that she has had life and this baby has not, a normal thing for a momma to feel. Once again, just talk to each other and find out what you both want to do and decide from there...no one here can make that desicion for you, or really help..all we can do is try unfortunally.

best of luck to you hun, i know this is difficult.

Answer 9

You seem to be a very ignorant man I'm sorry to say. For me this is a simple decision, even tho its a decision that is not mine in the first place. But considering all things, YOUR WIFE is the one who's been there and will be there for your needs for the better remainder of your life, and tho they say she may never be pregnant again, there is still a chance. You may grieve the loss of your UNBORN child, but you'll forever mourn the death of your wife. Its easier to get over the one you did not even know on a personal level obviously, much less the one you chose to marry..

In the worst case you two can always adopt.

Answer 10

While your opinion should matter, it's up to her to make the final call.

Answer 11

IM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR HAVING TO MAKE SUCH A HORRIBLE DECISION.. I WOULD TELL U TO SAVE UR WIFE ONLY BECAUSE U GUYS CAN ALWAYS HAVE A BABY, BUT THEN I READ ON AND REALIZED THAT U ENDED UR QUESTION BY STATING THAT SHE WONT BE ABLE TO HAVE ANYMORE. DONT GET DISCOURAGED.. AND PRAY (NO MATTER WHAT FAITH U AND UR WIFE ARE) THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A WAY FOR THE BOTH OF U TO BECOME PARENTS.. THINK ABOUT ALL OF THE TECHNOLOGY THAT IS OUT HERE NOW A DAYS.  

Answer 12

Hello, I just wanted to post a bulletin I received on myspace today. I am 100% pro life and want you to know God has a plan for everyone and He has a reason for everything that happens. It could very well be that this is what is meant to happen. Please do not kill your baby! Look at this:

Careful on the Advice YOU Receive!

Doctors Advised Abortion: Baby Born Healthy

How many other babies are killed who would have turned out to be completely healthy?’

A Wales couple are enjoying their healthy 5-month-old son after they defied doctors' recommendation to abort him.

Before Brandon Kramer was born, doctors diagnosed him, via an MRI scan, with a rare brain disorder that reportedly would cause deafness and blindness. Becky and Kriss were told their son probably would survive only a few hours. Just weeks before Brandon's birth, doctors recommended abortion.

The couple ignored the doctors’ advice and welcomed a healthy boy on Oct. 1, 2007. He is now teething and attempting to talk.

"I feel incredibly guilty thinking that I could have killed him — and then I find myself wondering how many other babies are killed who would have turned out to be completely healthy,” Becky told London’s Daily Mail.

The parents said they want their story to serve as a warning for other parents advised to abort their babies.

According to the British Pediatrics Neurology Association, “Just because you have an abnormality in a scan doesn't mean your baby will turn out abnormally.

”

Officials at the University Hospital of Wales said an urgent case review will be conducted.

Dawn Vargo, associate bioethics analyst for Focus on the Family Action, said prenatal diagnoses often are wrong.

"Unfortunately, parents who receive an adverse genetic diagnosis for their pre-born child often are under immense pressure from their doctor to abort," she said. "It is encouraging to see parents to who were willing to recognize and affirm the life of their pre-born child — despite dire warnings about supposedly serious health complications.

"

The U.S. Senate currently is considering the Prenatally and Postnatally Diagnosed Conditions Awareness Act (S. 1810), which would provide up-to-date information and resources to families that receive adverse genetic diagnoses during pregnancy.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

Visit the Focus on the Family Social Issues Web site at www. family. org

By: Devon Williams at Focus on the Family  

Answer 13

It's a very tough decision and should be made with your wife. Talk it over and think about it for a while. Then follow your heart.

God Bless.

Answer 14

I don't think it's up to you, I think it's mostly up to your wife. A decision that needs to be made with both of your opinions. But in most cases, if being pregnant poses a serious risk to the mother, they terminate the pregnancy.  

Answer 15

Pray to God about it.

Answer 16

What's more important to you???? ur wife who has lived with u or a child which is still not born and u haven't seen her.... may be ur wife can't get pregnant again but u can go for adoption but right now u put urself in her shoes and think what should she be doing if she was in ur place??? Saving her is more important....what would u do with the child if she's not there for upbringing of that child??? if you don't decide now then u might end up losing both ur wife and baby..... listen to the doctor because he knows the situation......

Answer 17

Do you have other kids? How far along is your wife?

Answer 18

if it is too risky then adopt. i know it may not seem the same but if it is too early to save the baby do you want to risk losing them both?  

Answer 19

It would be more up to your wife, but I would risk the lose of the baby. You can always adopt, though it would not be the same, I would think it would be better then losing your wife.

Answer 20

If you terminate the pregnancy, it's certain death for one and if you continue it's possible life for both.  What a terrible predicament to be in...I will pray for your wife's strength and for guidance for you both.

Answer 21

you just need to let her make the decision yes you have a say but shes the one that will suffer the most and before u make a decision go ahead and get a second opion

Answer 22

i see how this is hard for you. Talk it over with your wife it is really up to her.

Answer 23

That is a difficult one if it was me i would get a second opinion just to make sure the doc has it right,docs have been known to get things wrong.

I know from my point of view if it was me being your wife and be asking to choose between myself and a baby i don't think i could,

It is one life dying to save another and you cant win either way.

How far along is your wife?is there any way your wife could carry a little longer to allow the baby to live?

Answer 24

I doubt he's asked you to make any type of decision.  It really is up to your wife.  Ideally, you two should talk about it and weigh the pros and cons of continuing the pregnancy.  You don't state what the problem is with your wife or how far along she is, so no one can offer their take or experiences where your situation is concerned.  Like I said, keep the lines of communication open and try to understand that there are many, many mothers that would gladly risk their own lives in order to give their unborn child a chance at life.  I hope your wife is seeing a perinatologist (specializes in high risk pregnancy).  I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 25

first , sorrry to hear about this horible decision . second , the doctor will more than likely terminate the pregnancy if the health risk is that high. even if she cant get pregnant again , theres always adoption . goodl uck to you and your wife

Answer 26

I'm really sorry to hear about this situation, I know it's tough. But, with modern technology the way it is, there is a chance for your daughter to be saved and your wife be able to continue her life. But, if your wife was to pass away to continue the pregnancy, the baby wouldn't make it either, most likely. This must be hard for you, I hope your wife and baby make it and you can live happily.

EDIT: If she's far enough along to know that you two are having a girl, there is some chance she can live once outside your wife. I've seen it. And the rest of you need some compassion about yourselves.

Answer 27

what does your wife want? it's her life!!