How can I convince my mom about adoption?

Question

My mom wants a baby, but she is almost 50 years old. I keep telling her that it would be nicer

to adopt, there are alot of kids out there with no parents and being put into a family would be nice for a kid.

She is getting ready to divorce my dad. She says she wants to take out her thing that makes it so she cant have kids,

and then have a baby with "whoever she wants". I really think that it would be better and safer for her to adopt.

I told her and she said "what you want to have a little black baby?" I know it was rude, she can be a little racist, but

not completely... I think it would be nice for her to adopt a little infant, or maybe even an older kid.

I think that if she knew more about it and the pro's that she'd consider it.

Right now she says no because "you have to pay alot of money" and "they only give to married couples" etc..

Could someone who has adopted OR been adopted give me some pro's that I could print and give to her?

Possibly some stories from adopters or adoptees?

Thank you

Answer 1

it doesn't sound like she's up for adoption...it takes special people to do that and if she's not in a place where she feels she can do that...then i wouldn't push her into it.....especially if she's going through a divorce....you never know what tomorrow will bring.

have you ever thought about adopting a child yourself?

Answer 2

If your mom is getting divorced, I would highly encourage her to get her life settled first, prior to even considering another child, more less, adoption. An adopted child needs a stable environment, any child does. She will have a harder time adopting as a single parent anyhow, some agencies, and foreign countries, will not even consider single parents, and if they do, the wait could be longer.

At 50, it will be difficult for you mother to conceive anyhow, or have a healthy baby. I am not saying it is impossible, however, it will be more difficult due to her age.

Adoption is a wonderful gift, that enhances so many lives, it is not something to consider, unless you are absolutely secure mentally and at times financially.

Answer 3

I have never adopted, but it is a good idea.  There are so many kids and babies who need a good home.  An argument you can use to try and persuade her to adopt would be health issues.  Because she is almost 50 it is harder to conceive and she stands a greater chance of having a baby with anomalies or birth defects such as Down's Syndrome or something along that line.  While that may not be a problem for her,  she should realize that a special needs child will require a lot of special attention and medical care for its entire life.  

Also pregnancy can be hard on a body and the older you get the harder it is.  You don't mention if she has any health issues like high blood pressure or diabetes, but this could be a very big factor on how successful a pregnancy can be.  Before she even tries she needs to see her doctor for a physical and it would probably benefit her to see a genetics counselor too.  

While adoption can be expensive,  they will allow single people to adopt if they have a stable home, and can provide for the baby on their own.  She will just have to find the right agency for her needs.

Answer 4

If your mother really wants to adopt she really should go for it.

Google information on adoption and some stories about it.

Adoption is a beautiful thing.

Good luck!!

=]

Answer 5

Sounds like your mom is going through a lot. Now is not the time for her to get pregnant or adopt. Think of this, when her baby is 20, she will be 70, not saying that this is wrong, just hard.

Answer 6

I'm not sure this is something you need to worry about. I mean your Mom is fifty and thats not  all that old, but its not  that young either.  

If she is going through an emotional time....you mentioned divorce, maybe it is just that, emotions talking. Perhaps when things calm down, she will realize that she doesn't need another child in her life to fulfill her.

From the sound of it, I don't know that I would encourage your mother to adopt. She needs to spend some time heeling herself and her life before she considers involving another person. Good luck to all of you.

Answer 7

More than likely...your mom's not even going to have a choice in the matter.  If she really wants a child she'll HAVE to adopt.  I'm guessing that you mean that her tubes are tied right now?  Even in a young woman who has had a reversal surgery, the chances aren't that good that she will conceive.  Add that to your mom's age, and the fact that she will be even older by the time she finds a man that she wants to have children with...and you get a very very low likelihood that she'll be able to conceive AND carry the baby to term.  Anyone over 40 is classified as a high risk pregnancy.  To get pregnant that late in life is dangerous for the baby as well as the mother.  

And if she did go with adoption, she would probably want to lean more towards an older child.  How would she feel going to her child's graduation when she's nearly 70 years old?  If its something that she really wants to do, then good for her.  She's a stronger person than most...I know I could certainly never devote the next 18 years of my life to raising another child in the years that I'd always dreamed of spending time with grandchildren.  Anyway...I hope your mom gets things worked out the way that she wants them.

Answer 8

i was adopted so please im me at dx6767 okay i will help you okay i was adopted when i was 9 months old and i know what it like so please im me please

Answer 9

i think it would be ok to have a baby, if she really wants to, she doesn't HAVE to adopt. My mom is almost fifty (47) and pregnant (on accident, tho) she is due in Jan/feb and the baby is healthy, without Downs syndrome as myths say can accure more often in older women. If she has not gone through monpause yet than she can have a baby.

Also, why does your mom want to leave your dad? Does he not want another child?

Answer 10

wow your mom sounds like she is really hurt angry and in alot of fear and here you are being the good child wanting her to be comforted with an idealized concept of a new family please take a deep breathe and relax for a minute there is always a chance your parents could reconcile and forgive one another and this concern of yours that your mom needs a new family or another child could be set aside but I am troubled that you are so concerned about your mothers future which sounds unresolved at the moment I would hope your family could find comfort and acceptance

Answer 11

This should be up to your mom and not you...since she is about to go through a divorce...maybe she should concentrate on that right now....

This totally sounds like your idea and that you keep wanting to push it, even though your mom doesnt seem to want to adopt

Answer 12

I wish her lots of luck..50 yrs old wow... MY mom has been saying things like this for 20 yrs. and she is in her 50's.. her oldest grand child is 19 today and the youngest is 4 yrs. old. 8 grand kids total and everyone of them she want us to give to her to raise she even has asked myself and two sister in laws to have a baby for her because she had a hysterectomy.. and can no longer have children.. thank the lord for that little surgery.. she had four children of her own and later in life had decided to have more.. I donot get it why.. we (my brothers and myself) are grown why doesnt she want that peace and quite... no bickering, no fighting, no diaper changes, no baths, no fevers, none of the headaches that it takes to get them kids undercontrol and out on their own in the world.. I could not imagine it.. Take your mom to your house for a week or so and let her see what she has obviously forgotten....good luck again..

Answer 13

Single people can adopt, as well as 50 year old people...but the adoption people would say she's not stable right now to adopt if she's ready to divorce. They usually want you married or divorced for a couple years before adopting. Not in transition. and with a bit of prejudice, it would surely hinder the process. and unless you go thru foster care, it does cost lots of money.

Answer 14

The "thing" is perhaps an IUD?  Aside from the probability that your mother is no longer fertile, she is going through an emotional upheaval right now.  It generally takes people at least 2 years to normalize emotionally after a divorce.  This is not the time for your mother to be making decisions about bringing new children into her life - or ANY major life decisions.

She is going to need some TLC from you.  She is used to having someone around and this will be hard for her.  

I do think a pet might be a good idea - another little being to care for and take the edge off the anguish of loneliness.

As for adoption, it is really too late for her to adopt.  Most people at 50 do not have the energy it takes to care for a young child.  Most adoption agencies have a cap on the age of potential adoptive parents for this reason.  Can you imagine that child at 18 (IF your mother is still alive then) graduating from high school when your mother is almost 70??   Could she afford college tuition on her social security checks?

Answer 15

Let me get this straight - your 50 - year - old mother plans to get pregnant by the first guy who comes around, just because she wants a baby?  She may be chronologically old, but she sounds VERY immature!  With all due respect, I sincerely hope she doesn't get pregnant.  I would really feel sorry for that baby, whom your mother wants to bring into this world and raise most likely alone when she's getting to be the same age as most grandmothers.  To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't encourage her to adopt, either.  Really, we're not talking about a puppy - this is a human being!  Tell your mother to forget about the baby and get a cat, because she really doesn't sound fit to raise a child.  You're lucky to have made it out in one piece!

*Edit*

Oh EXCUSE me!  She's going to search out a guy at the age of 50, after getting divorced, with the sole intention of getting pregnant!  That is SO much more responsible!  God help that poor baby if she ever does get pregnant.