Question:

How can I convince my parents that certain things cause me to get really angry?

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I am going through a manic episode right now, and I think this is the dysphoric type.

Anyway, I got in a car accident, and I guess i also got some type of PTSD.

My parents were given the choice of any car for that same price to replace it, and they picked the exact same one, same color everything. When I sit in the,car, first I start thinking about how the accident happened, and then I get into extreme rage and start banging the steering wheel and then I start flooring it going 100 mph screaming, and other stuff.

So I am scared that I am going to not only myself, but hurt others, so I decided I am not going to drive that car anymore and get a job and buy my own car.

Problem is my parents always want me to run errands, and they tell me to take the car. OR they will go tell me pick some relative or friend up from wherever.

Yeah, most people here will think i am some spoiled and obnoxious brat, but whoever understands dysphoric mania pstd, pertaining to certain memories, they will understand I can't sit in that car and I need to explain it to my parents.

I told them that its giving me bad memories and putting me into fits of rage and they told me "grow up you big loser". I am 19 btw.

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  1. I'm trying to guess why they might have bought the exact same car, because there must have been a reason.   I wonder if one of them (the one who didn't actually call you a loser) was maybe trying to make everything okay again, like before the accident, as if it never happened.?   Bad idea poorly executed, of course, but still possibly good news.Here's why: It indicates that at least one of them was trying to take your head into consideration.  They messed this one up, but at least they put some effort into it!



    Let me tell you why I think so.  A few years ago my daughter  is redoing her room, I surprise her with a leather sofa. I think she's going to like it, because it is  (in my opinion) obviously beautiful.  Wrong. Hates it. She expresses a hatred for this sofa with far more passion  than a rational person could feel towards a piece of furniture.   Her hatred for this couch is so complete, so deep, she is  furious with me.   She also feels really guilty and stupid for flipping out, miserable for being ungrateful. But she cannot bear to have this monster in her room.

    What she also cannot bear is the pain of admitting that it's a reminder of a terrible moment from years ago.  She feels like she should be able to "grow up and get over it".  So while  I'm completely oblivious to the real issue and  say  something like "but look how well it goes with your...(whatever)"   all she can  hear is  the stuff that's already banging in her head, "grow up and get over it you jerk."  

    You've got to tell them again that the car pushes old buttons. Maybe you can honestly thank them first this time, tell them you know they want you to be happy. Use simple, direct words  that will make sense to them about the bad connection this car has for you.   And then try to listen to their words unfiltered by your feelings.   If you're thinking it's  going to go in the same frustrating circle as before, maybe start with a copy of this Q & A for a more direct start.  

    It finally dawned on me  couple of days later why she would hate that sofa, so I just sold  it and sent her out with a friend to shop. We never  talked about the real deal though, and I regret not saying I was sorry.  I hope your parents can tell you why they bought that car,  see the mistake, and be glad you not only understand but can express the true source of your anger and pain.  

    Good luck.

      

          


  2. If you have bipolar, you should be working with your pdoc to resolved the dysphoric mania (which has never turned on and off for me, btw).  If you are experiencing trauma, then work with your therapist.  These thing will help your parents understand that you have a serious problem.

  3. I'm bipolar too, and also get dysphoric manic episodes but I've never had PTSD.  First of all, I think it is really bizarre that they bought the same car and color, etc.  It is almost as if they are trying to intentionally hang on to a bad memory.  It is only natural that you have anxiety, flashbacks to the accident, and guilt from the destruction.  I assume you have a psychiatrist or therapist if you've been diagnosed bipolar.  Talk to him/her about these issues and get them out in the open.

  4. Maybe you're both half right.  I definitely think their choice in replacement car is... odd.  Anyhow, it's not unusual to go through what you're going through.  You've had a tremendous shock to your system, you can't deal with it all at once.  Remembering how the accident happened over and over again is natural, it's your brains way of trying to resolve it, trying to come to peace with it.  Don't fight it, you eventually will.  No matter how painful it's good to revisit these traumas, it's how we lay them to rest.

    I abhor the way your parents are conveying the message, but part of growing up is to deal with these things.  You're not a loser, anyone would have a hard time dealing with this, particular grown parents who would call their child a loser, they must be pretty weak people.  But this is something you're going to have to deal with, you can't just hide from everything that makes you angry.  It's a balance.  Don't deal with it all at once, that would probably kill you mentally, but don't hide from it.  Have the courage to face the trauma.

  5. First of all, as a parent, my heart breaks to read your question.  My son is 19 and I would never ever call him a loser.  That your parents are calling you that is shameful and to be honest, is a sign of verbal abuse.  I wouldn't consider it as abuse if it wasn't for the fact that you are sharing the pain and hurt it causes you when you are forced to drive a similar car to the one you crashed in and it is then that they are calling you a loser.  It is as if they get some sort of sick pleasure in causing you pain.

    I would have suggested that you talk to your parents about your feelings, but since they obviously have blown you off and taken the opportunity to hurt you instead of supporting you when you are opening up to them about how you feel, I would instead look into some sort of counseling to help you deal with this stuff (there are counselors who work on a sliding scale according to income).  

    Since you are 19 (same age as my son), you are an adult, and as an adult, you are not obligated to run errands for your parents.  Since you live in the family home however, there is a reasonable expectation that you should help contribute to the family and if this includes errands, then that is a reasonable expectation in most circumstances.  Your circumstances are different however.  I think you may want to try telling your parents that driving that particular car bothers you because it brings back painful memories and if they don't care that it hurts you, then so be it, but you are not going to drive that car - period.  Then you can tell them that you will clean the bathrooms, babysit a younger sibling, vacuum, do the dishes or whatever other chore you can think of which contributes to the family to show your parents that you have indeed grown up and are willing to take responsibility to contribute to the family, while still protecting yourself from being continually hurt every time you sit in that car.

    If your parents continue to treat you poorly when you have respectfully made yourself clear of your desire to protect yourself and have told them that you are willing to contribute to the family in ways other than going on errands for them (your parents had to run their own errands anyway before you got your license), then I would either do your best to save up for another car as soon as possible, or consider other living arrangements with friends or by yourself if you can afford it so that you can have some autonomy without being ridiculed.  You've been through a lot and you need support - not cruel judgment.  This is from a parent who would never treat my own 19 year son the way you are being treated.

  6. Tell them that if they dont stop you will turn into the Hulk and you will destroy them

  7. tell them what it does to you and you don't mind if they give you  (( older and ugly car )) instead of the one that look like the one that you had a bad accident from.

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