How can I convince myself to leave him?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. My first real love. My first real relationship. Over a little bit of time he started to get obnoxious, obsessed with games, and physically abusive. Now, I'm just plain ignored. If I come on to him to have s*x, he blows me off. If I say something to him, I have to say it twice and get a response two minutes later. His friend's come over EVERY Saturday night, and I can't get him to do something with just ME instead. I'm 21 and have wasted 3 years of my life. I know I can do much better but...I can't leave him, even when he beats me and chokes me to the point to where I pass out. Sometimes, I can't stand to look at him...but sometimes..he's hilarious and sweet. I don't know what to do....Can anyone relate? If I can convince him to change, should I still stay with him?

I just really think he's a good person deep inside.

Answer 1

It sounds like he has severe mental issues that need to be adressed. You should get counseling together if you want it to work or move on before you get hurt worse.

Answer 2

umm,ok,,the guy physically abuses you and you want to stay with him..must be that one of those times you past out you lost something somewheres.

you need to get rid of him !! and do it quick before he hurst you to the point that you cant talk to him or anyone - get my drift

you cant change him, and you wont

he is useing you for what he can,and his friends and games take priority over you

what more do you need to know

think outside the box - if it were your best friend giving you this same scenario - what would  you tell her ?

He may be a good person deep inside, but the fact is that he has abused you - you deserve better !!

stop waisting your life on him and move on

Answer 3

you need to leave him, and he needs to get some help. gather all your things and leave. don't talk to him anymore, change your number and don't ever contact him again, someone who hurts you and ignores you does not deserve you, if he tries to sweet talk you in to staying don't. it will just end up back the the way it is now, you won't regret leving him, but you will regret staying!

Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all i was in an abusive relationship for 2 1/2 yrs and hun they don't change and he has to want to change and no you cant convince him to change. It sounds as if he has alot of growing to do i mean if he hasn't changed in the last 3 yrs what makes you think hes gonna do it now men like that are damaged and if you know whats good for you, you"ll get out now before you get prego or end up dead my ex choked me out several times almost to the point of killing me. Take it from me just leave your young by staying with this loser your just losing opportunities of meeting a really great guy

Answer 5

Do not waste a another minute of your life with this loser - and a loser he is.

Answer 6

I will not dwell on this question for very long, except to say, your boy friend is not the problem, its you. Any one who allows themselves to be used and treated in this way is either sick in the head or enjoys it.Which of those scenarios are you?. You live in a country where freedom abounds and I am sure he is not in the house 24 hours a day, so you have the freedom to make the choice and go. I would have thought sleeping on a park bench would be better than what you have now. Just before I go, remember the old saying, a leopard cannot change his spots and as countless ladies will tell you, your boyfriend will not change.

OK so you got my message, but I will ask you again,why are you still in the same house as this man? twenty four hours from now, come on and tell us you have moved out and we will all respect you and give you all the help we can, until that happens you can only be there for the reasons I previously stated.

Answer 7

WELL, YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IF HE HAS A CAR, IF HE CAN CHANGE OR ANYTHING ELSE WHEN HE KILLS YOU.  I DON'T SEE MUCH REASON TO TELL YOU ANYTHING, SINCE YOU HAVE PUT HIS ABUSE, SELFISHNESS AND HATRED ABOVE YOUR LIFE, PRIDE AND HAPPINESS. MUCH LUCK TO YA!

Answer 8

What you need to do is just walk away,  maybe this is his way of telling you that he doesn't want to be an a relationship anymore.  You are young and have your whole life ahead of you.  You need to be happy in a relationship and also as person.

Answer 9

Except for the physical abuse, your boyfriend sounds like MY boyfriend.  I recently had a baby, and have not slept thru the night in over 2 months.  I take care of the baby 24/7.  My boyfriend who basically lives with me (though he's not on the lease, and does not pay bills) is on the computer from the MINUTE he walks in the door until he goes to bed (4 or 5 in the morning), then proceeds to SLEEP all day!  He NEVER offers to cook for me, he leaves dirty dishes all over the place that I have to wash.  I do his laundry, and when I asked him to give me a couple of bucks of week to help with that, he had a coronary!!  He doesn't vacuum or mop the floor...NOTHING.  He just causes more work for me.  

I've been with him for almost 5 years, and I'm SO OVER him!  He's never going to change, and neither is your boyfriend.  Get out while you still can!

Answer 10

Been there and done that.  Don't make excuses for why you can't leave.  Leave in the middle of the night if you have to.  I left mine after i realized that I was plotting ways to kill him and get away with it.  I didn't even feel bad for thinking these things.  I had no job had not worked in over a year, I had no money. I borrowed enough money for a bus ticket and 10 dollars pocket money, and left with the clothes on my back, and i never looked back when I did it. Start moving your stuff out a little at a time.He is not a good person.  Don't say that you have wasted three years of your life, you will never leave if you think of the time and effort you have put forth to keep this relationship going.  He will not change without the help of an anger management class, and a good therapist to help him figure out why he abuses you so.    

Answer 11

I am currently going through the same c**p you are too, and tonight for that matter. I have been with my fiance for two years now and I am basically having to force myself to end things over his actions. I am naturally a depressed person, but this makes it worse. The only way you can attempt that have things changed his just simply to talk to him. Express your hurt and desires. If that doesn't work and you don't see a change, either you live in a miserable relationship, or you end it, like I am having too. Good Luck to you...

Answer 12

you cant stay with someone and expect them to change or change them, they are what they are, you deserve more than that! go see a therapist and maybe she can help you find the strength to leave before he hurts you really bad or kills you.  Your 21 and have a long life ahead of you, dont you want to be in a loving relationship instead?  how can you do this by waisting your time with a loser!  Dont be afraid of being alone, you have lots of time, find yourself and find your self esteem and confidence.

Answer 13

leaving is hard...but the hardest part is figuring out just how to do that. i will tell you, that if he is abusing you now.....he will do that FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HIM........say that to yourself and think about it. DO NOT HAVE KIDS W/ THIS MAN!!!!!  you need to make yourself smile & stop worrying about him.....he's a woman beater!!!!!  and they NEVER change!! i have been in your shoes & it's a rough place to be.....but make yourself realize---you are better than that & you cannot do this for the rest of your life. every time he beats on you....he takes something from you.....don't let the next thing he takes from you be your life!!!!!  go & live sweetie!!! you deserve happiness---no matter what that piece of c**p has told you!!!  GO FIND YOUR SMILE!!!!!!!

Answer 14

You are being delusional, get rid of the piece of c**p before he hurts you permanently.

Answer 15

First off Pray.

God will help you do what you need to do. Trust me.

Second off, you cannot change people.

He may be a good person, but is it worth it? That's the question you need to ask yourself.

And Third, you need to believe in yourself.

There are lot of guys out there and you can find something better.

Good Luck!

Edit: Thumbs down? Go Fish...

Answer 16

I can relate to loving some one and wanting to be with them, but baby you can't live like this. Abuse is not love please don't confuse the two. Please pray for strength to leave this man or ask God to take the pain out his fist. If you know you can do better than prove it to yourself. Life is to short to take a bunch of mess from anyone.  

Answer 17

You can think he is a good person all you want the fact is he is not. What else does he have to do before you wake up and stop being so desperate. Do you feel like you can't get anyone else? Thats the only reason i can think of as to why you would even think this is a hard decision. You are only 21!!! Get away from this guy and be smarter in future relationships.

Answer 18

Firstly, he's your first, so we all tend to try to keep those.

Secondly, no, you no longer love this guy.... you love what he was once, and that and reality are no longer the same.

Thirdly, abusiveness just gets worse.... See Dr. Phil or Oprah. for the lowdown on that stuff.

Fourthly, you'll leave when you you realize that 3 years is nothing to giving 30 to a jerk like this.  

And until you get some counseling, and get your head back on straight, and your self esteem back in order, don't have any kids with this guy.... OMG don't have any kids with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.... if you think it's bad now.......you'll be joining the ranks of single moms who thought they could heal a relationship with a kid, and it only pushed the whole thing over the edge sooner than it was going to go anyway, and now they have an unwanted kid to deal with.... pits, hon, the pits.....

Write if you need more.