How can I deal with my Prince Charming's anger issues?

Question

I married a man who totally wooed me with his romanticism, his devotion to me, his faithfulness, the fact that he made me the center of his world, and because every time I would break up with him for no reason other than my initial confusion (I was confused for the first 3 months, partly bc I had another suitor) he would cry and beg me to not leave him. He totally brought to life my old Disney fantasies and I just couldn't believe how lucky I was. We got married and everything was wonderful.

One thing that I noticed even during the courtship, which has become worse, is his unbridled anger. He gets excessively mad for things like somebody not answering the door for him right away or because people drive the speed limit (which he considers slow). Now that he's become comfortable with me I am often the target of his anger and I get told some really mean things that I do not deserve. I have often explained this... when he's angry, he just tells me to shut up. When he's not, he says he's really sorry-- but he does it again. Perhaps I may be exaggerating, but I am starting to feel emotionally abused. I have considered divorcing him, even though we've only been married for a month and a half. But I don't want to be a coward. Marriage has its ups and downs, doesn't it? However, I will think twice before having kids with this man.

I just don't understand how a man capable of so much love and affection is capable of so much hatred and anger. What should I do? Earlier today when I explained this to him, he was already calm and told me he's going to try to change because he doesn't want to be like his grandfather. But that I'm going to have to be patient. And that when he says something stupid, to just ignore him. Is this what I should do? I certainly don't want to be like his mom. The poor lady gets told off all the time, and she submits to him quietly, and still looking after her 25-year-old son. Sigh. I guess I'll do this temporarily, we'll see if after time he'll change like he said. What do you all suggest? I need help.

Answer 1

My girlfriend spent years in a relationship like that. It took all the courage in the world for her to pack up and leave. She gave it her best shot, but she should have bailed long before she actually did.

Oh.... and another thing.

If you were my daughter (I have two), I would tell you to get out, and never go back. Do you want to bring kids into that situation?

Answer 2

You are describing an individual with definate anger and control issues.  He might even take it out on you one day physically.  Stay on birth control, try to convince him to get into counseling (he says he wants to change, right), get yourself into counseling, and go from there.  If you THINK he is emotionally abusive, then he probably is.  I don't believe you are exaggerating.  Be careful, and take care.

Answer 3

you should have gotten to know this person better before you married him now your stuck with a toad..

Learn how to make better decisions in your life

Answer 4

WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US, is my heading and this is so true. So don't go quiet or ignore him when he says horrible things, instead come out firm and confident and reply back to him, by saying one or two things and take control of the situation. 1.) Tell him please don't talk to me like this, as I am not willing to be spoken to like this. 2.) When you have calmed down, then come and see me and we shall have a talk. Don't be like his mom and make a stand for yourself and demand some respect.

Answer 5

Honestly, I didn't read all that c**p, but if you have to 'DEAL' with anger issues, he's not your 'PRINCE CHARMING'.  

Bye!!!

Answer 6

Charming is not angry!

No, do not be patient!

Tell him if he meant that he wants to change, that it means NOW! And that you both need to go see someone so  "WE can make OUR life not only better but easier!"

Answer 7

Sounds like he has some issues and it might not all be about anger. Just be honest and tell him if he doesn't change then this is abuse and that you will not stand for it.

Marriage is work but its work for two people not just one person while the other thinks everything he does is fine. If he apologizes then he know what he is doing is wrong.

Maybe being straight forward about it will be enough to make him realize that he has an issue.

Answer 8

I'm sorry people changed. You should knew before you get married.

Answer 9

i think you should go to a marriage counselor or send him to anger management

he needs to learn why he angry all the time and understand how to control it

Answer 10

Even Ted Bundy was a charmer... that's how he got his victims.

You have married an abuser.  He is abusing you mentally - crying to make you stay.

He's an adult, he should be able to control his anger, he probably blames his anger on others.

I'd run if I were you.  It will not get better.  You can jump through hoops for the rest of your life with him and he still won't be happy.  There is nothing that you can do to make him happy, so stop trying.  Each individual is responsible for their own happiness.

My x did the same to me.  wouldn't take no for an answer when he asked me to marry him.  Sweet, loving, caring, etc... then we got married.  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Look up the cycle of abuse.  There is a cycle, and he's taking you along for the ride.  Good days, bad days.  Then soon they are all bad.

Things will get worse.  I guarantee it, I know, I lived it.