How can I deal with my boyfriends mother??

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years.We are both 21. Everything with us is great. There's one problem.. his mother! She is an old school roman catholic conservative. And I am well... NOT. When I am visiting him, i don't feel welcome in his house at all. (maybe because she still has pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend all over the house!) She treats me like I just don't belong there. Recently, when I was at his house she found condoms in my suitcase. And I KNOW I closed it before we went out, so the only way she could have found them was if she went through my stuff. After she found those she had a chat with my boyfriend and basically told him that if we ever have kids, she wants to live far away so she never has to see them because they won't be children of god. He knows how she is towards me and he tells her to stop being the way she is all the time, but she continues to treat me this way. I don't like the woman. And I try to be nice despite my feelings... but sometimes it's hard to hold my tounge. My boyfriend and I both see a future together, and I'm worried his mother is going to try to ruin it. Any ideas/ advice on how to handle her or how to tell her she's being a hypocrite (she always complains to me about her mother in law treating her as not part of the family...) without making her hate me more?

Answer 1

Nope! Sounds like her mind is made up. If you aren't a christian and he is then I see her concern for obvious reasons. When you marry someone you marry their family. So if God is part of the "family" belief then you may want to look into that. If you were to be within her faith or beliefs then I don't see any reason why she would have a problem with her son being married to you. If you are as you say "NOT" and he is, then there will be problems. I guess it depends on if he believes what his mom does, in God. It would be up to him to teach you about God and bring you to be a believer. That is all I can tell you. Jesus and "NOT" which would be satan don't live together, they are a world apart for a reason! Best of luck.

Answer 2

Giver her some time talk to her , try to understand  what she doesn't like about u ,  if you  can change that thing she may like you , And if she still doesn't like you then let it be , you and your bf are adult and if you think u see future then go for it . Best of luck

Answer 3

just see if you can find some alone time with her, and ask her if she has a problem with you... tell her you really like her son, and you will do anything in your power to make him and his family happy. If shes a religious person, and doesn't like you.. she should dislike her own son too!!! it takes guts, but just try to talk to her. Be nice to her and she will eventually melt some day. AND IF SHE DOESNT, take her somewhere in the corner, and smack her

Answer 4

You can try talking with her ask her questions about her religion, like is it alright to judge others, are all sinners hopeless, If her religion were perfect then why all those confessionals in the church, just try to bring down that holier than thou attitude a little at a time.

And whenever she talks bad about her mother in-law just smile nod and say I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

  Don't be mean or disrespectful just have some fun with it at her expense.  

Answer 5

That's a stereotypical mother. She like most mothers can't stand you just because you are there and taking away her 'little' boy from her. I hate these kind of mothers. Tell her she acts like all the other motherly b*****s in movies that'll shut her up.

Answer 6

First of all it's your boyfriends mother and therefore his place to deal with the problem.  If his mother will not treat you with respect then he needs to set boundaries (either she treats you properly or he won't visit or at least his visits will be less often).  Perhaps when he wants to visit her you two could stay at a local hotel and see her for pre-arranged purposes (take her out to dinner, see a movie, go to a family function, whatever).  If you two do decide to get married he must make it a priority to have a sit down talk with her in which he lets her know that he has chosen you to be his wife and he loves her very much and wants the two of you to have a good relationship, but if she doesn't do her part, then she will loose him.  And he needs to let her know how much it hurts him when she says something about his children not being children of God.  The God I know doesn't judge us, he loves us, and he would be more upset by her hypocrisy and rudeness to you than a child born out of wedlock.  Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

You can't change another human being. You are in charge of only yourself and your reaction.  You need to realize that no one has the ability to make you made you make that decistion inside yourself.  You won't change her so live your life with your boyfriend and live your life.  If she changes your boyfriends mind then he was not meant to be with you to begin with.

Answer 8

Continue to tell your boyfriend how you feel about this meddling.  Also be prepared to move on if he doesn't stand up for you.  When you are married it will get worse.  My MIL was not acknowledged by her MIL and she and had a rift and have not talked in about 5 years now.  She even lashed out at my 12yo. (previous relationship) by excluding her while sending all other children in the home christmas gifts.  Hurting people, usually hurt other people.  She is bitter and a hypocrite so if you want to deal with this type of inlaw you'll need alot of support from your boyfriend or spouse if you decide to stick around.