How can I deal with my husband's family for the holiday's?

Question

Our first child is due on Thanksgiving, and his family has already said that they expect us to be there not only for Christmas but for Thanksgiving as well. I seriously doubt that I will want to go anywhere on Thanksgiving whether or not the baby is here yet. And I really feel uncomfortable with his entire family wanting to hold and touch the baby that will be at most a month old for Christmas. My family completely understands that we need time to ourselves with a new baby, but my mother in law said that she expects us to be at all *FOUR* of their family's Christmas celebrations.

Answer 1

This is a time for your husband to stand up and take control of the situation with his family.  Be firm , clear and kind regarding what you and your husband want for your own newly developing family. Stress to your mother-in-law that what you and your husband expect is respect which goes both ways.  Everyone needs privacy whether it is from family or whoever. Once parents of young families realize you are adults creating your own traditions they tend to back off and respect your right to the kind of life you wish for your own family. Your mother-in-law will soon realize that she can not control others time, and if she continues to be so demanding she will be seeing less of you, your husband and her grandchildren.  Guarantee in no time she will loosen up. Good Luck !

Answer 2

dont be forced to do ANYTHING. take comfort in knowing that u have a choice. in anything in life

Answer 3

Wow, I was the same way with my baby.

It is uncomfortable but establish the rules and boundaries now.

Don't be afraid of the confrontation it might (will) create.

This is your baby and your family.

Your in-laws did not go through the pregnancy or birth and won't be the ones to worry constantly about the well being of your child.

Establish boundaries now or as time goes on they will continue to try and dictate how you spend your holidays and put their expectations and desires before yours.

It is much easier to do it upfront then it is to have to realign their expectations later down the road when it will upset them more to have liberties they enjoyed having already taken away from them.

Tell them although you appreciate the invitation, you are now a parent and will be establishing your own holiday traditions.

Tell them that you and your husband will be spending the first week bounding with your baby alone and your will be recovering from the birth.

Then say "you may visit the baby for an hour or so on week two"  

If they do not stick to the one hour rule say, "the baby is hungry and I am going to my room to breastfeed him after we take nap, thanks for coming over."

Then stay in your room until they leave. They will learn not to wait around hoping you will come back to visit more.

Don't argue with them when they object, just say I am sorry you are disappointed.

Just repeat that with everything they try to manipulate you with.  

"We'll like I said, I am sorry you are disappointed"

And hang up after you say I guess we will just have to agree to disagree, I have to go now.

When my in-laws or anyone came over to visit the a baby I had a box of disinfectant wipes and purell and simply told them we always disinfect our hands before touching the baby.

It's not worth it risking him getting sick.

Be firm. This is your baby not theirs, your feelings are more important then theirs. Period.

Answer 4

Get a backbone and tell your MIL you are not coming for Christmas.

or Thanksgiving. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow

them to. In this case it is time for you to set the ground rules early.

You can't let your MIL push you around. You husband is going to be next to useless as men never want to come between their wives and their mothers so don't expect help from that quarter. As for his entire family touching and holding the baby stop worrying. People have being doing that for thousands of years and no baby has died of it. It is perfectly normal. Young parents are always terrified that their child is

going to catch something or someone is going to drop the kid or something. The child is a lot stronger and healthier than you think.

Just think of all the people in the hospital nurses, doctors etc who are going to be touching that child before you even do!