How can I deal with my husbsand's rude ex?

Question

I have been with my husband for almost 4 years .I have an 8yr old with my ex.He has a 6yr old with his ex and we have a 2 and 1 yr old together.It has been impossible to get along with his ex.She will not accept us being together.I have done nothing to her to deserve the treatment I get.It could be worse from what I have read but it is all the little things she does to irritate.Once my daughter rode with my husband to pick his son up and the ex threw a fit because she got out of the car,she's only 8!When their son had his open house at school he wanted her to go but she wouldn't because it was our night to have him and she would not go with us.For awhile she would not talk to her own son if his dad was gone and he had to use my phone to call just because he was calling from my phone and not his dad's she flat out told us this.When she picks him up at our home my kids say hi and she ignores them.She isthe same way to my husband.He always defends us but she will not stop and I have hadit

Answer 1

I don't know what you can do about HER but what I would suggest for the kids is to always be kind, polite, ect. to her. Don't let her get to you in front of them. Be the classy one, and the kids will (hopefully) get the right message from those actions. But feel free to come complain to us! That's what we're here for, right?! LOL

Answer 2

Have you told her to let go? Tell her that some things just don't last forever and that if you really love (insert husband's name here) you'd let him go. He's happy with you isn't he? If that doesn't work,  just ignore her. Seriously, this is an awful situation here. It needs to stop.

Answer 3

She is so not over the break up. I am so sorry. Perhaps moving father away would help. My exe's girlfriends and I have allways got along great. Not wanting to be buddies of course. But, I am not close enough to be in th e same school district. That helps. Co-custody is just to involved with people you no longer can handle. You think it is in the childs best interest. It is not, if it causes stress and unhappiness in other parts of you life and family. Then it does negatively affect the child/children.

Answer 4

I understand and have a similiar problem. The issue behind my hubs ex is she was threatend by me. The reason was not my husband but her son. She had/has an unreasonable/unrational fear that I would usurp her position in his life.

All you can do is be the best stepmum possible and ignore the rest. Let your husband deal with her but try to do it over email so that there is a complete record of the exchanges.

Answer 5

I would say that you are doing the right thing, answer all the kids questions about it and explain that each person is different and maybe one day she will change.

make sure to stay open with all the kids and show them that you support them and that you love them and won't let a little thing like this get in the way of your relationship.

the main thing that my mom did wrong with my brother and i was trash talk our father... she would say nasty things about him and even though he wasn't around a child still doesn't want to hear how their father is trash because that parent does make up 1/2 of them.

also i wouldn't try to push the communication lines too much with her if she is even, aggressive, if i may, to the children...

if things get too bad just remind her that she is an adult and you 3 even if she doesn't like it, are a team when it comes to taking care of the kids and working together is a lot better than trying to be better than each other.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like she is a problem that your ex needs to deal with.  You also have to ignore her.  If he doesnt check her on her behavior he may have some unresolved issues with her and she certainly can't seem to let go of her.  Her behavior is a sighn of her troubles and probably has nothing to do with you or your children.  Something that has happened to her in the past causes her type of behavior.

Answer 7

ignore her

Answer 8

This for me is a hard one, so here goes. She is not settled with the ex being with someone else. (That is a strange but actual reaction many have) some men will break up with a woman, meet someone else, start dating, but when he see's her out with someone else, he wants to fight..... Problem here is the one with the problem is not part of your family so you cant' MAKE them get help.  So the way I think you should handle it is this, Change the connection points so that maybe a grandmother or aunts house (that both get along with) can be the drop off/pick up point.  I will tell you this, she KNOWS she is hitting your buttons, and that is why she does what she does. Maybe you should NOT be where you can be in contact with her. This would take the sting out of the thing she is doing.    NOW on the legal end, it problems are NASTY, and you can document them, like video of a offer to take her child with yours and she is mean, get that and as much as you can documented. (You will need at least 90days to 6mos showing that their are problems with the transfer of children and the welfare of the children is bad because of personal actions, and your reactions (on tape) should show you try to ease the situation. MUST SHOW THE CHILDREN ARE BEING HURT BY HER ACTIONS, that could be even by the language used around the children.

Again remember, most of this is probably because you are with him, so she said something and got a reaction out of you. Now she uses that type of weapon to receive the same gradification. SO you need to remove the powder from her bullits.  You can cuss out a deaf man all day and not effect him, but if you slap him, he will react. You are letting her slap you, by reacting. She will never stop because that is her only weapon that works.  And as far as him, he is at the lowest point in the situation, he has to be around her because of his child(ren), And he has to live with you.  Please remember, He is WITH YOU, so don't think he has to ("always defends us"), He did that by marriage. NEVER let her put him in the fire, That would be her best win ever, IF SHE could break you two up.

I am 55yrs old (Male) and I can tell you this, the kids grow up. They WILL know who was fair and will even forgive if they felt you were being done wrong.  The worst thing you can do to a child is use a parent against another. When they get older they find out how people are and will make their own decision.!!!   Don't let that be you.

YOU WILL GET YOUR VALIDATION IN THE FUTURE, and it will be worth all the trouble.

LAST ADVICE; Life's too short, get the kids when you can, have fun, don't let ANYONE rain on your day.    DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY !