How can I deal with my mom's negativity when it comes to the classes I'm taking in college?

Question

Usually my mother is very encouraging and I even consider her to be my best friend. However, she's being very negative about the classes I'm taking this semester in college. I lost my Hope scholarship after my first semester back in '05 and I've been trying to get it back ever since by keeping a positive attitude, but it's hard to get through when some one you're so close to is being so negative.

One of the classes I'm taking is Spanish, even though I took French in high school, but I'm great at foreign languages. When I told her the outrageous price for my Spanish books she said "I can't believe you have to pay that much for books for a class you're just going to fail anyway". Also, when I told her that the professor I have for math (my absolute worst subject) is known as the worst professor in my school, she told me to drop the class, take something else, and save math for last, but I think (as well as my adviser) that I should shove through it and go ahead and get it out of the way. Especially since it's the last math class I'll ever have to take. She wouldn't have it and told me she'd be talking to my adviser Friday about changing my schedule. When I got off the phone with her, I was so upset about her comments about being sure I'd fail that I cried the whole way home.

It's stressful enough trying to get through school as it is, but I have a full-time job on top of it and I always try to keep a positive atittude when it comes to school. The last thing I need is negativity. Especially when I'm trying to get my Hope back. How can I get it through my mom's head that her negative attitude is only going to bring me down?

Answer 1

No disrespect intended but if this is your "best friend," go out and get some enemies.

Better yet - go out and get some friends who understand what you're struggling with and who will encourage and support you. You're old enough to be weaning away from your mother - and it sounds like she needs some friends at her level she can deal with. She's treating you like a small child - you don't need that. Move on and let your relationship with your mother find a new foundation.  

Answer 2

Tell your mom that if she doesn't approve of what i'm doing that butt out...  thats what i'd do!

Answer 3

It sounds like she is trying to help you.  You can't expect your mom to be Mary Poppins, she is telling you how it is.  My daughter has dropped college classes because of terrible teachers, her GPA was more important than "Shoveling" ahead.

Listen to your mom...She sounds like she is paying attention, a lot of parents don't.  She is not negative.  A negative person walks around never smiling with their face pointed towards the floor.

Answer 4

it's weird that your mom is acting that way. could it be because she didn't get through college?  just an idea...

just tell yourself that how you do in college effects the rest of your life- your job, your lifestyle, where and if you buy your house...

your mom can't just turn against you after she's supported you your whole life. maybe you should tell her how you feel about her negative attitude.

Answer 5

you have to sit down with your mom and explain your reasons why you are doing things they way you are, and see her reaction, and be prepared she will tell you why she thinks you should be doing things the way she is suggesting

sometimes, a mom really does know best, i am not saying this is the case here, but since you and your mom have a good relationship, i ma sure she has good valid points for steering you in the direction that she is, would it hurt to hear her out too?

you sound sensible with a good head on your shoulders and i am sure you can find a middle ground here you can both live with, your mom will most probably be horrified when she hears you tell her you dont feel she is being supportive enough, and you can both work from there

good luck, and keep up the good work

Answer 6

You need to let her know how hard you're working! College is a lot different now than it was 20 years ago, especially since you are working a full time job and going to school. Just tell her in the nicest way you can that you need more support to get through college. If someone is constantly bringing a person done then of course it's going to be hard to accomplish something. Eventhough she doesn't agree with the choices you're making, she needs to understand that you have to try to make these decisions on your own. If they work out then great, you've done something for yourself. If they don't then that's a lesson learned and it obviously happened for a reason. That's a tough situation when the person you care about the most doesn't have your back. The only thing you really can do is ask for her support.

Answer 7

I would start off by sitting down with you mom and letting her know the way you feel about the whole situation and how her negativity is affecting you. If you don't feel comfortable sitting down and talking to her write her a letter and when you give it to her explain that you would like for her to read it and the then the two of you talk about it after wards, that way you can fully express how you feel and not forget to mention things.

My best advice as a full time worker and student would be to just give it your all. Devote your time to school and studying because in the end it will all pay off. Don't convince yourself that you are bad at math because then you won't like it and will always have negativity in your head about it. Try being positive.

As for teachers, for the future you can use this website and see reviews about your teachers. I find it very helpful!

Goodluck :)

And follow your heart and what you want to do not what others want you to do.

Answer 8

You should tell her that you're already anxious enough without someone you love that much is being so negative. Inform her, also, that this is your life now, and to please, please, let you live it. You're an adult, and seemingly with a good head on your shoulders---after all, you've decided to push through with a class that isn't your best, simply to get it out of the way, which is a very mature thing to do. Tell her that her love and support means so much to you, and you really need it right now more than ever. :) Good luck, sweetheart.

Answer 9

i would talk to her, tell her that her negativity is bringing you down. if she refuses to stop, use her negativity as your driving force. let her doubt be what fuels you to prove her wrong!

i think it's ridiculous for her to say she's going to call your advisor, in college, you're an adult and i don't think they care what she thinks, it's your schedule! in that regard i would tell her not to call, you can handle it. besides, it's a great idea to get math out of the way if you can!

best wishes  

Answer 10

sounds like you need a boyfriend to winge to...

Answer 11

I am sorry that your mom is not supporting you.  I know it is hard when your family does not support what you are doing.  You have to listen to your heart and take the classes that you want to take.  Remind your mother that YOU are taking them, not her.  It is your choice and your life.  THis is knowledge you want in your life, so you are going to take these classes.  I was in the university for almost 5 yrs, I switched what my major was MANY times.  I finally realized I was doing what my parents wanted me to do, not what I wanted to do.  I left the nursing program I was in, and enrolled in a "Natural Healing" school.  I am now a massage therapist and nutritionist.  At first, my parents were SO mad at me, they could hardly speak to me without crying.  Now, they see I am happy and successful.  It took a little bit, but I think they realized that my life is my choice.  I love them and their concern for me, but in the end, a person's profession should fulfill them--not other people's perceptions.  Keep taking classes that you want to take....you will always have 1 or 2 teachers who are not that good, but that is "normal".  I would just get a tutor in math if you need extra help, but just get it out of the way since it is a requirement!   Good Luck---

PS:  I am also fluent in Spanish...I loved my Spanish courses and would NEVER trade them....GO SPANISH!!

Answer 12

I know you are stressed but getting upset about this isn't going to help you.

A couple of things about your mother. You "lost" your Hope scholarship because of only one thing, bad grades. You don't sound like you are unintelligent, so could it have been because when you started college, you spent more time on your social life than you did on your studies? Ok, if that is the case, did you ever say you were sorry to your mother? Obviously you have disappointed her and while she's kept up her end of the bargain and supported you, you have broken her trust. Her negativity is a direct result of your past behavior. She doesn't trust you, you broke her trust.

Ok so now it is 3 years later so you should be over 21 and a grown woman. Are you supporting yourself? Are you paying for your own college? Even if you are not, your mother has no voice in this.

I have supported two daughters through college. And now almost through grad school. Not all the support was financial, one daughter married,divorced and owns her own home now. But I've been there with the money, the advice and the "cheerleading". Never did I think it was my business to dictate what classes they take. You are not in elementary school where your mom has a say so, you are a college student and your mom should stay out of what you take, if you are following the advice of your counselors. That's their job.

In all reality in the US, you have no use for French. Spanish on the other hand will not only allow you to communicate with the people around you, but will make you marketable. As far as your math goes, if your advisor said to take it, what is the purpose of putting it off? Take it, understand that you have a problem with it, and get a tutor. You will need to spend every waking moment keeping up with your homework, so put your social life aside.

Your mother needs to understand that her job is to let you try. If you fail, you fail. So what, life is full of failings. What sets successful people apart is that they don't dwell on it, they pick themselves up and get back into the game and try it again.

Have a talk with your mom. Talk to her about losing the scholorship and own up to the real reason you lost it. Apologize to her. Then gently and respectfully tell her that you appreciate her advice, but she cannot talk to your school advisor. Your school advisor is a professional, and you are going to follow the path he/she suggested. Tell her that you love her, but you have to find your own way.

Good luck, I know its not easy. I've watched my daughters struggle through dealing with horrible people calling themselves teachers, but I let them figure it out on their own. You will see that kind of personal over and over again in life, and if you know how to deal with them, all the better for you.  

Answer 13

Try to remind her in a gentle  way that your life belongs to you, and your career choice and classes you take is not her decision to make. Tell her college is very important to you, and taking all the necessary classes is a must. Remind her you are good at foreign languages, and that you will not fail. She probably just said that because she was angry about the price of books. She was venting.

Answer 14

Well first of all, I would drop the math class and take something else. Don't try and take a hard subject from one of the hardest teachers. Your advisor is wrong on that one. G.P.A. and passing is more important that "shoveling" on. Check out www.ratemyprofessors.com and look up your college to see which teacher is better to take.

I would just sit down with your mom and apologize for s******g up the hope scholarship. She is out of a lot of money and has lost trust in you. You have to earn that trust back by doing good in class. Once you apologize, just ask her to please support you and give you a chance to do better in school. If she isn't paying for it, then just have a talk with her and tell her that you are going to try your best and need her support.

And as far as the spanish class, I would only take classes that you need while you are paying for it. Let the hope scholarship (if you get it back) pay for "fun" classes. But, if its part of your major or you need the hours then go right ahead.