How can I deal with my parents?

Question

I have 2 parents that I love and who raised me but we just don’t get along. I live in 2 states apart and am 28 so I don’t see them that often. I talk to my mom but my dad will barely talk to me, not because he doesn’t love me but because his job, and health are taking a toll on him and he is not taking care of himself (not monitoring his eating while he is diabetic) My mom is slightly better but has tons of health problems, she doesn’t work and has very limited contact to the outside world.

I can deal with all of the above although I wish I could help them more, but the real problem is when I am with them. They are constantly yelling at the other about what the other didn’t do or did, will not do or continues to do. And how do they deal with it? Well they sleep and escapes into TV land and it goes away. And it has been that way for as long as I can remember.

Now I am not saying that it is always like this 100 percent of the time, but 9 days out of 10 it seems to be the case. Occasionally my Dad will talk to me and explain that he has been hard at work and didn’t have time to talk. There might even be a WHOLE day where they don’t yell or argue and are happy.

One of my biggest fears is going back into that environment, going and visiting. This time I am about to visit with my girlfriend and I don’t want to expose her to what I have been through so I rented a hotel. This has caused my dad to be even madder at me. For three reason, he finally realized that I don’t like him yelling and escaping so much as to not stay there anymore, he desires me to stay with him so he can be validated, and he cant stand someone spend money where he would not, the fact that different people value different things.

So part one is how can I handle my dad?

Part two is the dreaded car ride, being essentially trapped in a car while they yell at each other.

Ok I know I could avoid both these situations but there my parents and I cant ignore them forever. I cant reason with them, I have tried over and over again. I am just out of ideas. How do handle visits and not be a victim yet not p**s them off?

Answer 1

fake your death...NO JUST KIDDING DONT DO THAT!!

well the your problem here is that you want to please everyone but yourself. you cant please everyone. in this case its pretty much one or the other. tell them that you are tired of the fighting and help them by long distance for example help pay for your moms medication and like make an eating chart for your father...