How can I deal with not having kids?

Question

I am 35, wife is 37, married 10 years. We never really talked about kids much even though we both love kids. We have enjoyed ourselves. I also thought for a long time she didnt want kids. Now, I am absolutely hating myself for not having kids. I am fearing we have waited too late. We will be too old when the kid needs us most. My parents are older and the kid will lose their grandparents too soon. Will I even get to see my grandkids. I may not be able to retire. Etc. This all sounds selfish, but it bothers me because I could have fixed it way sooner. If we had gotten married a year ago at our age, I probably wouldnt have worried about it at all. I just want the best life possible for a child if I have one, and I fear now that I cant provide that. I just would like to here from others that are familiar or have experience a newborn at this age. I know the decision has to be ours in the end. Wife is willing to try if that is what we decide to do.

Answer 1

You havent waited too late at all.  My mum had me around your age and loads of my friends were also born when their parents were your age.  If you want kids and can financially provide for them, go for it! :)

Answer 2

Your love for your wife and your family will make you a good father. You only said your wife is willing to try if you both decide to have kids, but does she like kids or just wanting to please you ?

Answer 3

My last one was born when I was 36.  Not a problem.  Go for it!  People are younger these days then they were before.  Just don't let a doctor talk your wife into all kinds of testing because she is over 35.  They do that to see if something is wrong so they can give you the option of aborting.  A lot of times those tests are wrong.  And if you waited this long, what is the difference anyway.

Answer 4

I think you should have kids just go for it. If its what you want and it will make you happy I say do it!

I dont have kids but do plan to one day they are the greatest thing ever!

Answer 5

now is a better time than later and you are not old.

Answer 6

You're not too old to be parents. I am 39 and my husband is 37. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and my son is only 4 (I was 35 when he was born). I am glad that we waited to start our family. I think I am a much better parent now then I would have been 10 years ago. Not only are we more mature but we are better off financially. Be aware that as your wife gets older it is harder to conceive. For my son we tried for 2 months with ovulation kits and were successful for this one we tried for a year and a half then went to a fertility clinic. We got pregnant on our second cycle of IUI.  As for my age I sometimes worry about my health when my children are young adults but really there is no guarantee. I had a friend who was 21 when they had their baby. When the baby was only a month old he was killed in an auto accident. I also know people well into their 60s who are active and healthy. Regardless of your age you do the best you can and you deal with it. People starting families at our ages should be concerned about the timing of college and retirement. Again a little planning / saving can go a long way. If you really want a family it is not too late to start. If you want to have a biological baby don't waste time, see a fertility doctor right away. If you want to adopt start work on your dossier right away as it can take 2-5 years to get your baby / child. Good luck to you both.

Answer 7

You are most certainly not too old. You are still in the prime of your life and capable of having your child, and still being there to support them through their growing years. My parents were in their late thirties as well, and were excellent, and still are excellent caregivers. If you want a child, and your doctor agrees you are healthy enough, go for it.

Answer 8

i belive that you can still have kids.

my grandma had my dad at 45 and i am 17 years old  and my grandma is stil  alive.

Answer 9

Have you heard of the duggar family? The have 17 kids and having their 18th.....they are much older than you guys..

there is still time for a child....Infact you hae more to offer the child thean younger people. I am sure you guys have more saved up than younger people. I am 23 yrs old I have 4 kids, I am also married. Though we dont collect any kind of welfare its not needed...

I think now is the perfect time for you guys to have kids.

and if not able adopt a child.....

GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Well i dont think its too late to start a family. My grandmother was 40 when she had my mum and she lived until she was 70 years old. My mum had us and we loved our grandmother. Unfortunately i was only 10 when she died but hey i enjoyed every minute i had with her and i will always remember her. So dont you worry. Besides after having 4 kids myself ( i was a young mother), i wish i had waited until i was older as i find now at my age which is 40, that i have alot more patients with kids then what i had when i was young.

I hope this helps you have a good think. I wish you the best of luck and good health.

Answer 11

Once a woman turns 35 they are considered to be a high risk pregnancy due to their age. A lot of women do have babies at this age though just fine. My aunt had her kids after she was 35 just because they went through years of infertility treatment and it took them 10 years to get pregnant. She did have some complications with her 1st pregnancy and she had a c-section with both of her kids. the kids only have 1 grandparent (1 grandfather) all the rest are dead because they were old. Its definitely better to have them younger but there is still time to have them before your wife hits menopause and I think you should! I think kids complete peoples lives- I don't know what I would do without my kids!  it is well worth it in the end!

Answer 12

You still have time to try. You might be a bit older than the average parents, but that shouldn't stop you. You can either have kids that are biologically yours and get over the age issu, or adopt kids that are already several years old so the age gap is smaller. Either way there is no reason to deprive yourselves just because of your worries. If you stay active with the kids, they'll not care about your age. The big complaint I hear abvout older parents is that they don't want to get out and do things. As long as you stay busy and moving, I don't see the problem.

Answer 13

The simple, yet complex, solution to this problem is to adopt... there are pleanty of children out there that need a good home. and if you adopt a 10 year old, then it would be like having one when you and your wife were 25 and 27...

Answer 14

my mom was 35 when she had me and now has her first grandchild ((lol my husband and I wanted to be young)) but my mom can still keep up with me and my baby

as long as you keep yourself healthy youll be fine to have a baby!  obviously there are more health risks for your wife, but if you want children, HAVE A BABY!  it is the most fulfilling job in the world and i cant wait to have more!!

or you could always adopt an older child that most other people would just look past because they want a baby..

good luck on your decision!

Answer 15

Im 12, and my mom had me wen she was 38, and we are living together very well, and you could always adopt a child as well

Answer 16

Adopt a kid that is already the age of like 5-10 or even older, that way you will still me pretty young when they need you the most, plus you would be saving some kid from awful fosterhomes ect.

Answer 17

It sounds like you're trying to rationalize why not to have kids.  A child can lose a parent or grandparent any day of the week for any reason-not just because you were older when you had kids.  Many people are waiting until their mid-late thirties to have a family-yours will not be the odd one out.  If you truly want kids,  you should do it.  If you are afraid then don't.  No one can make this decision for you.

Good luck.

Answer 18

I am a child of a woman who was 42 when she had me. All I can say is that my mom was a single mom and did a great job raising me. The best thing you can do is love a child. Whether through adoption or pregnancy, just know at your wife's age it could be considered a high risk pregnancy and you may have complications. But either way good luck and hope you get that baby!

Answer 19

My Dad was 40 when I was borne. My Gran(His Mom) is still alive. I am 27 and have my own child. I have a great relationship with both my parents.

My Sister in law will be 40 in September, Her eldest is 3 and her twins just celebrated there 1st Birthday. She is finding it easy. For they have done what they wanted to do, and also have the means of giving there children every thing they need without any worry.  They are secure and stable in there relationship, witch out ways age sooo much, as how little kids actually have the opportunity to live grow up in a non divorced family.  

Then. Even if you had them 10 years ago. You still would have stood against that, what if they lose me, Grandparents or what ever. For no one knows what tomorrow might bring.

I think you should go ahead and have your own kids.

I just wanted to add that sister in law did not plan for the second one or as it turned out two. It happened all natural. She had absolutely no problems during her pregnancy. And days before her c section was due, she went into labor. Gave natural birth to 2 beautiful angels of 2.9 and 3.1 kg. Over 7 pounds each if I have my convention right.

Answer 20

You are not too old to have kids (my 37 yr old cousin gave birth in April). And if that doesn't work you can always adopt or be foster parents.

Face it, there is never a convenient time to have kids. Either you think you are too young and have too much to do to settle down with a family, or you think you are too old and that it will be harder on the kids when they are teens. Instead of asking "should we have kids now?" think more in terms of "do we want kids?"Don't worry about whether or not the grandparents will be around or if you will live to see grandkids -- I never knew either of my grandmothers and you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. take each day as it comes and don't borrow trouble from tomorrow -- it will be here soon enough.

If you REALLY want kids, then have them. If you are unsure then maybe you are better off not having them.

Answer 21

As long as you love and care about the child that is all they need!There are people alot older than u who have children so i wouldnt worry to much about that, if not adopting or fostering then if its meant to happen it will.You cant go back in time so worrying about what you could have done wont help you focus on the future not the past

Good Luck

xx

Answer 22

I think you need to look at the situation in a more positive light. You have had a fantastic marriage, where you have both been able to enjoy yourselves. Now  is the perfect time to try for kids as you are secure in your relationship and can provide a comfortable life for a child. I think you've done it the right way round. Some people have children young, but end up resenting them as they think they wasted their youth being a parent; or even splitting from their partner as they are no longer the same people they were in their 20s.

You really are not too old to have children. When the child is 30 you will only be 65. That is still young! No doubt they will be thinking of having their own children then, and you can be really involved in both your child's and your grandchild's life as you will have the free time to help.

If you and your wife both want children then stop hating yourself and give it a whirl, i'm sure it will be fun trying! And if for some reason you are unable to have children there are other optons available, such as adoption. Therefore I really think you should be feeling excited about this new phase in your life and not wasting time feeling guilty for enjoying your life without the burdens of children up until now. Good luck!

Answer 23

your not too old, for goodness sake. I think you should start trying now, and if you cant, then adopt. Be thankful that you didn't have kids right away. Because then you never would have gotten too enjoy life with just you and your wife.

Answer 24

you and your wife are not too old

Answer 25

Adopt.

Millions of kids need a good home.

Not having children is a WISE decision, by the way.

Answer 26

My parents were 37 & 40 when I was born, and we have always struggles with the huge generation gap (not age specifically). They have never moved with the times and embraced anything modern. I was never allowed to wear trousers to school, only a skirt even though all my friends wore trousers, and my parents never did anything fun with us like alton towers (UK amusement park) etc. Unfortunately, our relationship has suffered even to this point because of this.

But that is more to do with their personality than age, my advice to you would be to go ahead and have kids, but try to also see the world through their eyes as they grow.

Answer 27

You definitely haven't waited too long! If you struggle to conceive, you could consider adoption. But don't let your or your parents' life expectancy make you overly concerned - you're 35, if you live until you're 75 a kid you conceive now will be 39 or 40 before you die. That's morbid, sorry, but it is meant to show you that you can have 40 years, more than your current age, to enjoy a relationship with your child! That is awesome!

Answer 28

It's not too late. My ex-husband, who is 47, and his second wife who is about 40, only started their family about 4 years ago. They are doing really well, and the kids are adorable. (I know because my ex and I are still good friends).

Don't panic. If you want to have kids, go ahead and have them. Nothing is guaranteed in life, and you may or may not be around to see your grandchildren, but that is way in the future and not something to be worrying about now.

Good luck, whatever you decide.