How can I ease the transition of my husband going back to Iraq, AGAIN, on my son?

Question

I might sound a little bitter but my husband is going back yet again to Iraq next week. He's been home for 2 weeks on R&R and my 14 month old son and him have bonded SO much. He was 8 months when my husband left for the initial deployment and will be gone another 6 before he's home for good (this time) Anyway I want to make this easy on my son since he cant grasp that daddy is going back to war. The FRG (my family group within the Army) has given me packets and things but its for older kids. I dont want my son to have a complex b/c my husband comes and goes so much. any ideas? thanks

Answer 1

This is hard. My husband has been gone twice now to Iraq and Quate and is about to leave again. It is not easy and never will be. One thing I decided to do on his first deployment is to buy 2 video cameras. I know this is expensive but if you call around some people will sell them cheaper because you are getting two and some people, because of the occasion and circumstance, will donate one to you. We were glad to have the latter choice. I went into the store and spoke directly with the supervisor and they completely agreed! They donated one to us and gave us a discount on the other. My husband did not know I did this because I was like you, having no ideas. But after he left, I mailed one to him with a blank video, hesent the video back in about 2 weeks (due to horrid mailing) and we watched it everyday until the next video came. He spoke to the camera like he was speaking to our child. He told joke and even the sweetest, he read her favorite story on the camera; this is her favorite bedtime story and we watched and read with him everynight until the next video whena new story and book came in the mail from him! As for me and our child, we also video taped ourselves to send to him. She 'read' him the story he sent to us and it was too cute being upside down! She tells him about her day and everything she did. She loves it and says she is talking to her daddy through the camera!

We take the camera everywhere. I am a stay at home mom so we take the camera as we run errands, play in the pool, everywhere. It is always hard, but by having the camera, we it makes it feel a little easier as if the camera is him. When he is home, he goes with us where we go, so it is kinda similar. On his first deployment, our daughter was 2 turning 3 so we taped her birthday and everything, she even spoke to her daddy at her party! He cried watching it. Near the end of the tape, we each say things to the other, I tell him how much he is missed and things that go on, and he tells the same.... (wel as much as he can being in Iraq and can't tell all) but sometimes, even his co-deployee's will borrow his camera to send a tape home for their families.

Letters and phone calls are amazing, and we sent coloring pages and coloring books to him but something about seeing his face is even better! My daughter at age 2 could see what her daddy looked like and remembered him when he came home. Herfavorite things are coloring and reading so he did that on the videos..... always a story for bedtime, and there is one tape where he was just laying on the floor coloring a book, like he did with her at home.... he joked and laughed and everything just like he was there laying with her at home on the floor!!

Sometimes, this is too good it makes you cry, because you see him there but he isn't..... but he is coming home!!!

I really hope this helps and if you need encouragement email me, I am here.

Answer 2

I find with most kids up to the age of about 3 if parents are out of sight then they are out of mind.  Does this make it easy for you?  I would suspect not.  It is easy for me to say that your child won't remember when he gets older that his dad was serving our country and was away quite a bit when he was young.  If anything you can tell him when he is older that his dad sacrificed a lot for him and you and the country tha the lives in.  I would surround your child with pictures of his dad while he is gone and talk of him often.  I'm not sure if it is possible to see his dad on a web cam or something like that but it will help.  6 more months, hang in there.

Thank you for your service to our country.  I think many times people forget the mothers and children that sacrifice as well.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  good luck!

Answer 3

The USO in Iraq has the United through Reading program he can record and send DVDs and the book home for your son. Many stateside USOs have the UTR program as well, if you have one locally he may be able to record a couple before he leaves.

Go to www.uso.org for details.

Thank you, your son and your husband so very much for what you have given us.

Answer 4

First of all, THANK YOU sooo much for your sacrifice!  

Can daddy make videos for your son.  He can read a bedtime story every night to your little guy via dvd!  Let him sleep with daddy's shirt as a blankie and surround yourself with a good support system.

Answer 5

My daughter was 3 when hubby deployed, She was a little easier to talk to about it that a 14 month would be but, shes 6 now and she really doesn't remember much about dad being gone. I made sure to show my girls lots of extra attention and we talked about daddy and looked at pictures of him often. I Had a photo of each daughter with there dad and I laminated it. The girls took there daddy everywhere with them... But my point is , for them they see that dad was gone for so long (18 months) they see that daddy is here with them know.. Hope that makes scenes and eases your worries.