How can I ever trust anyone ever again? ?

Question

I use to look at my dad like wow he is different and amazing. Even when my mom Is mad at him I would take his side always. I believe in the man. After my mother and my siblings moved to the US, he stayed behind (immigration process). While my mom is in the US working hard to take care of four kids, she’s working hard to bring him over. After she brought him over here. Rumors started that he married another woman and had two kids (I never believed it, but last night he admitted it to my 14 years old sister. He lives in the house, pay no bill. Living and eating us like a parasite. How could I ever forgive that b*****d? According to me, he is dead already. We were gone for 5 years, meanwhile he has a 3 years old, a wife and another 2 years old.

Answer 1

"Trust - but verify."

-Ronald Reagan

Answer 2

Forgiveness like the answerer above said is the hardest thing to do, but it isthe key to live a long and happy life.

Answer 3

That's a tough one. The only thing I can say is that forgiveness is for you as much if not more than for the other person. It's hard to understand why anyone does anything that causes so much pain to others. Even more so when you are so young. You are a young adult and you have a whole life time to go through. As you go through life you will come to understand why some things happen and why people do the things they do. In no way am I saying what he did was right. His actions have hurt a lot of people, you, your mother, your sister along with the other wife and children. They have been hurt by his actions as well. I sure in the process he has also hurt himself. But you were not in your fathers shoes. You don't know the whole story. Keep that in mind, and also remember that no one is perfect. People make mistakes. You have a right to be angry and you have a right to tell him how his actions have hurt the entire family. But please also remember he is a human being and I am sure he is also hurting. So forgiveness is about healing and spiritual growth. Blessings to you and your family.

Answer 4

Wow. This is a toughie. Where did you live before? Not that it matters right now, but this is what I have to say:

   It is easily understandable that you are angry at your father. You loved and trusted him, and he betrayed you. And although this may not be what you want to hear, here it goes: We all make mistakes. Most of us have cheated or lied to the ones we love. But put yourself in his shoes for a moment: He must have been very upset from you being in the US, leaving him alone wherever you used to live. Maybe he wanted that feeling of a complete family, so he brought it upon himself to make another one. Not the right thing to do, but hey, he was probably emotional from you leaving. Maybe he was extremely sad you left, and this "other woman" made him feel happier. (not in the sexual term, i mean emotionally). What he did is still wrong. But maybe, once a little "sudden" anger subsides, you can talk to him, let out you sadness, anger, and frustration, then start to forgive him. This will be a long and grueling process, but you will feel much better if you can learn to forgive him. One other thing I would suggest is to see a counselor. You can talk to someone not involved with this and get a professional point of view. Let out some feelings. Maybe they will prescribe an anti-depressant, but talk to your doctor first. I wish you all the luck in the world, your family is in my prayers, and I hope I have helped.  

Answer 5

Not everyone is going to be like your father.

So its not fair to put up a wall to new people you meet (especially other male figures)

My father and I went 5 years without talking when I was a pre-teen. It broke my heart that he never called me on birthdays and holidays.

The older I get the more I learn about his snake-ish ways. Now looking at him I too feel like he is "dead" to me.

But the older I get the more I start to forgive. Him and I will never be close ever again. But by forgiving him I was able to slowly get rid of that angry monster in me.

It will be a life long learning

Basically the idea is to not be bitter. Which is a hard thing to overcome when someone has hurt you.

Just realize we are all human. No matter what somebody has done the least we can do is be civil with one another.

I'm sorry about your father. I hope you get through this

:)

~K

Answer 6

Once trust is broken it is very hard to get back, but it can be after time. You and your family need to heal first from the hurt that your father has caused. The fact of the matter is that there are other children that are now here on this earth and you can't change that. You have to accept those facts before you can begin to heal. Your father has to learn to be honest and earn your trust back.  

Answer 7

Trust should be handled on a per person basis. Once someone breaks your trust they will never fully have it back. But you begin to accept that's just the way that person is. Some people are selfish and always will be.

People often say trust is earned, but I feel that once it's broken it can never fully be restored without years of proving it. And even then, you may not trust them.

Not all people are selfish though, and that's why it must be addressed per person. Not everyone will make the same mistakes. So you have to be open to that possibility. There are still good people in the world, they're just few and far between.  

Answer 8

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do.  Keeping a grudge is easier but more self-destructive.  I always took the easier road and dealt with the consequences.  Which ever way you decide to go I respect your decision simply by dealing with it.

Answer 9

u can't possibly be an idiot after that