How can I explain to my three year old that her father left before I gave birth to her and ...see details?

Question

I had my three year old and started dating someone else. I got pregnant with his child, and he left a month after I found out I was pregnant. My daughter has always thought of my youngest as "our baby". Now that I've had the baby, my ex (baby's father) is wanting to come see the baby, but hes very inconsistant. I don't know how to explain to my three year old that he's going to be seeing the baby and that he's the babys dad, but her father is god knows where. HELP!

Answer 1

You need to tell her.

Answer 2

She won't understand and will get upset if you tell her now... just tell her when she's a little older and shes a little more emotionally secure, I'm not saying 6 is emotionally mature, but you know what I mean . the same thing happened to me and i feel your pain.

Answer 3

I would assure her (even if it is untrue) that her Daddy thinks of her everyday but he can't be with her right now. He is very far away. Stuff like that. So she doesn't get a complex about it but yet not being brutally honest with her at least not for a little while yet. And in the mean time look for a GOOD man to take the place of those Dad's.

Please don't take this the wrong way but..... maybe you should look into getting some birth control; and consider 'screening' your BF's a little better.

Good luck.

Answer 4

If you want to have an honest relationship with your child (meaning you want them to trust you enough to be honest with you as well later in life) then it's best to just speak candidly with them about it. You won't be able to expect her to really understand it at 3-years old, but if you continue to just be open and honest with her as she grows and asks questions, then you will have a more trusting relationship with her.

As far as the new baby's daddy coming around, just explain to her that the new baby has a different daddy and that unfortunately you are no longer in touch with her "real daddy" at this time. Again, honesty is really the key here and don't expect the 3-year old to understand until she's older as it is a complex situation.

Answer 5

dont tell her yet  just say that thats not your daddy

Answer 6

A. Does she ask you? B. You should try marriage before having another ( i know you know :) ) c. Say her daddy had to go far away for a little while. That should be ok for now. When she gets  a little older the truth should start to come out (like 5 and she's asking you).

Say your dad had to get his life together and we have to get our life together. We couldn't do it together. ( well, i dunno but i'm sure you can be creative!)

Hopefully the man that is coming to see the baby will create a bond with her and treat her fairly. :)  (if he's a good man)

Answer 7

Just let your daughter think that the baby's father is her dad, as long as the dad agrees to that. When your daughter gets older you can explain what happened and the reasons you think that her father left you guys. My father left me before I ws was born and my mom didn't get remarried until I was 12, but I always wanted to know what happened to my real dad. She told me the reasons why she thought he left us, and that helped me to understand. She also gave me all the information she knows about him so I can find him as I grow up.

Answer 8

Only you know your daugher best.  Only give her the details that you feel she can handle and in a way that she can understand it.  There's no right or wrong way to handle the situation, you just have to play it by ear with her and answer the questions she asks when she asks them, but don't sit her down and have a heart to heart.  Let her ask you what she feels she needs to know.

Answer 9

I think the bigger problem is that you keep on having babies with guys who are not committed to you. You deserve better.