How can I feel close to my husband again?

Question

Me and my husband were so close before our daughter came along. We worked together and were together 24hrs and he was my life. But as soon as my daughter was born I felt like we were strangers. I had to stay in hospital a week and suddenly he looked strange to me. I thought things would change but the first year of my daughters life was hard. He didn't feel bonded with her and she took all my time. I was frustrated and annoyed with him for not even trying to do any 'baby stuff' and a few times I thought we would split up. As our daughter has gotten older, now 2yrs old, things have calmed and they get on great but we're left living more like brother and sister than husband and wife. He cooks for me and does chores, he's not a bad bloke, but we never seem to want to do the same things or watch the same tv. We're often in different rooms. He smokes too so spends most of his time in the kitchen so as not to smoke around our daughter. And he works nights so we don't get time together when she is asleep.

To be fair he does occassionly try to kiss or cuddle me but I withdraw. I feel uncomfortable and even repulsed (his breath smells). I think that somehow all the love I had for him transferred to my daughter, whom I kiss and cuddle all the time.

Talking just gets him defensive. I feel like we're living a sham but I don't want to be without him for my daughters sake. She loves him! I want to feel close to him again.....

Answer 1

go and give him a hugg

do it

it will work................

Answer 2

Try acting like his g/f instead of room mate.You have pushed him away,why should he try to do anything special for you?Because you have a v****a hon?

You said he works and YET he cooks and cleans,what do you do?

He does more than most guys do.

Have him brush his teeth and then do something s**y with him.

Answer 3

This is definitely a case for a marriage councillor.

You may have also suffered a bout of post-partem depression that became a catalyst for the situation as it is right now.

Plus I sympathize with your repulsion of smokers breath. For both your sakes, I hope he soon understands how important it is that he quits. Right now he is probably under the mistaken impression that the only harm he is doing with his smoking is to himself.

Once he clearly understands that he also has his future with his wife & daughter on the table, he may acquire a new viewpoint on the matter.

Staying in this marriage as it is now is only going to teach your daughter that all wives are destined for unhappiness. Is that the example you want to set for her?

Get on the same page with your husband & fix your marriage, or get out. But don't keep the staus quo for your child's sake. You aren't doing her any favours with things the way they are.

Answer 4

"but I withdraw. I feel uncomfortable and even repulsed (his breath smells)."

It takes two to tango . . and communicate, and bring it back together. You need to take the first step. You already know what makes him defensive. Try a different approach, like maybe give instead of refuse.

Answer 5

You need to have someone watch your child for the afternoon or evening and you need to spend some quality time with your husband- try talking with him and asking what is wrong- tell him that he needs to smoke outside at all times for the sake of the baby- and give him a breath mint when you are sitting around- he will get the hint on that-since  he doesn't get to sleep with you and cuddle at night, I am sure that he misses that( he works nights and sleeps during the day)- you two really need to talk about things-and get it out in the open and then work on fixing the problem. he should be enjoying the time with you and his child.  

Answer 6

So the man cooks, and does chores, plus the s*x is good, and you are still not happy? Why? Because you think he's loves your daughter more than you? Try loving him for a change. He sounds like a great guy. If you're not careful, you'll lose him and end up with someone who doesn't cook and clean. You'll be back here saying "what did I do wrong?" Sometimes you don't know how good you got it, until it's gone. Don't let that happen to you. Or your daughter. She loves him too. I hope jealousy isn't the problem either.  

Answer 7

Stop expecting from him, those are your expectations

he's not responsable for them.

Answer 8

First of all it's not ever since your daughter came along It's not your daughter's fault.  Anyways try to hug him and tell him that you feel like a stranger to him now because all of the sudden you feel like 2 whole different people that don't even know each other! Tell him that you have been so busy with the baby that you have to withdraw from him. Tell him you hate doing that and that you really want to spend time with him.

Answer 9

y dont u hire some help for ur work at home that will give u some time off the household work n spend some extra time with ur husband when hez around...if he doesnt u take initiative but dont over do it...ur daughter is 2 try sending her to a playschool for some time that will give u some time off her(i have 2small kids 3yrs & 2yrs old)im sure we all need a break..

focus more on ur life...catch up with old freinds..keep urself busy get a life of ur own a lil time away from ur husband & kid....indulge in smthg u like doing..im sure all this will help u...expecting things from others or trying to change them is very difficult but trying to change oneself is not..im sure its just a passing phase n things will get better with time...

Answer 10

flow with the flow yaar.. flow with the flow.