How can I fix my poem?

Question

ok so I just wrote some of my thoughts down.....it isnt in the fourm of a poem yet, cause Im no good at rhyming at all.....could you help me make it into a poem? these are my thoughts about the war

I just sit here and observe,

what has the world become?

people think that killing is the solution,

its not,

watching are friends and family,

fight for our country,

is this really going anywhere

I think not,

so why doesnt it just end already?

Its going nowhere

Answer 1

add GO USA

Answer 2

Poems dont have to rhyme to be profound. Just look a couple on the internet. Look at emily dickenson for example, shes got a very differnt sort of writing. Then think about your poem some more, with a little more experience with poems you migh tbe able to come up with your own good stuff.

Answer 3

one way I find to express what I want to say on paer is by asking myself, how many different ways can I say this? I find using a thesaurus extremely helpful when writing . A fast way to do this is using an online thesaurus. Good Luck and keep writing!

Answer 4

In writing poetry you will find there is more forms than the standard that is taught in school.  The form you used is fine, there are a couple of spelling and puncuation mistakes (are, our?)/(doesn't/doesnt).  Anyway, it's called poetic license.   Check out some of the current books of poetry for variation.  Aol has a good poetry blog site.  Good luck.

Answer 5

That's a poem....ur like a pro....Poems don't always rhyme either. This is perfect.

Answer 6

"watching are family and friends,"/ (I think not) - "I don't think so", "it seems to be going nowhere".

Answer 7

poems dont have to rhyme. here is one way to put it

i just sit and observe

what the world became to

killing is the people soution

but i dont think its true

we watch friends and family

fight uselessly for our country

but where is it actually going?

to children, to citizens

its all falling to dust

then why cant it all end

the labor is going nowhere

if you dont like that you dont have to use it

what you wrote is good, have fun ;)

Answer 8

Great vision. I think the flow of the poem needs work.

When you go from line 3 to line 4- it just feels stoccato.

I agree with the first person, your poem does not have to rhyme. Perhaps try to re-write this poem without having to use a rhyming scheme. It will flow nicer. Your message is great.

Answer 9

It is a good poem and poems don't always have to rhyme, it is fine the way it is!! Cheers !!