How can I gently correct my sister-in-law's parenting?

Question

My sister-in-law is 22 and has an 18 month-old daughter. We are all very close and spend a lot of time together.

My niece is entering her terrible twos early, and my sister-in-law threatens her with "crib!", saying she'll put her in the crib if she keeps acting up. She rarely follows through, and even makes the threat when there's no crib nearby - in the mall or camping, for example.

I want her to emply a regular time-out routine, where my niece sits in a chair for 1 minute. What's the best way to let her know she's going about it all wrong?

Answer 1

You can't honestly, you parent your way she parents her way and just as i am sure you wouldn't want someone telling you how to raise your children she will most likely not like someone else telling her how to raise her daughter.  You might be able to buy a copy of a good book for example "Incredible Years" and tell her it came in handy for you or something like that and maybe that will come across better.

Answer 2

unfortunately, you don;t, its far too easy to come off sounding judgmental and making her feel defensive and therefor even less likely to listen.. The best way to approach is is by finding a book or an article that discusses discipline for a toddler and say "hey, maybe this will work for you guys"

Answer 3

Sorry but what "you want" does not come into it...it is not your job to "gently correct" anyone's parenting.....nobody should ever try to do that unless they are paind by the government to do it.....this is one of lifes lessons for YOU...we often see things we don't agree with....the parent making the mistakes must reap the results of their actions. Nobody takes kindly to being told how to parent.

Answer 4

you have the right intentions but it's very touchy telling someone else how to parent. a good idea is to ask her to watch supernanny with you (like say you watched something funny or you're addicted and you want to watch it together). it's together time so you can get good info and then actually talk about some of the stuff you see without saying "oh you should do that" you could say "wow that sure worked for them" and let that lead into conversation... definitely buying her a book or giving her articles is helpful but again- it still could come across as bossy. If you babysit your niece you can definitely let your SIL know what works for you and just say "you know yesterday we tried this and she really responded well, do you think we could try that for a while".... and if you ask her opinion on something, it's much nicer than telling her what you think first. good luck good auntie

Answer 5

so do you have any kids?? if not....your in no position to give advice

if you do....you just worry about your own kids and let her worry about hers.

edit: i still cant help laughing at dre's girl answer lol...geez i dunno where some people come up with this stuff!!!!!!!! so clueless!!!!!hahahahahahahahahahahahahah... yes dre's girl...im laughing at you!!!!!!!!!!you should be imbarresed saying something like that!

Answer 6

If you have kids, you can say  "you know what really worked for me???  Then explain how you used a time out routine"  Tell her that it was really hard at first, but in the end it worked very well.  Once you give your advice, it is up to her if she wants to use it.  You will just have to let it go.

Answer 7

mind your own bizniz..it her child not yours

Answer 8

well let me tell you i am a mother of twins an i have 2 sisters my oldest has 1 child entering 3 an another has 2 ages 4 an 1 well my oldest sister everyone even my other sis says he is bad an he can be i agree he throws fits at stores an ppls houses but i feel its all about a childs element if you take them away from what they are so used to its harder for them to adjust! well my nephew from my middle sis i watch her kids all the time now the oldest is 4 an i think he has adhd an i told her out right hey jess i think Henry has adhd ... an hunter her other son is very clingy an needy but he just turned 1 so all in all my theory is  all kids responded to different things in a different way but i to tell my sister wit hthe one child that he can be a brat or bad an act out at times she gets offended but i dont say it in so many words i just say hey instead of doing time out make him go find his fav toy with out saying anything an then when he comes back take it aways an if he cries well the corner has worked for me with my step son an so has time outs for way longer then a minute!!

Answer 9

TELL HER, or set the example if you feel comfortable.  If she does not want to be stressed out for the next 20 years she'll do what she sees works.    There's no real "terrible" 2's, there's terrible parents of 2 year olds.

Answer 10

The next time you are in a mall and she pulls out the crib threat, tell her "Y'know, I might be wrong, but I don't think that will work; after all, there's no crib around here.  How about setting her down on that bench by the slide?  That might work at home with a step stool too."  If she does it; follow through with a "1 minute might work considering she's so young" and stand by the bench as she does the time-out.  At home, try to make sure she follows through with her warnings; it is the only way to get past the terrible two's.  Another way to help her out is suggesting following through with time-outs that make sense, but ask for her opinion as well.

It's hard to help without being judgmental; if you can't find a way to do it without coming across as rude, I would avoid it completely.