How can I get along with the discipline of the Philippines?

Question

Whenever I visit the Philippines, I have a great time. but if one of the children are pasaway, or not behaving, they have harsh treatment! i hate the way they discipline the kids. isn't there a better way like grounding them? i had never grown up with that kind of treatment before, but mostly because i behaved. i go against harsh treatment, but my cousins think i'm stupid or crazy cuz that's the way it flows in the philippines. (or at least in my family, though others do it, too) i'm against spanking and other harsh treatment. should i keep standing up for non-spanking discipline, or just go along with it cuz that's what they do?

Answer 1

I am a Filipino and I was raised in the manner that you perhaps observed. The way children are being raised is a little bit looser nowadays compared to my time, and I must say that children nowadays have less discipline, less initiative, and generally get their way most of the time. I'm not keen on spankings, but they usually do work in impressing upon young children the difference between right and wrong. It's mostly based on Pavlovian conditioning, which has scientific basis.

To answer your question, you should let people know that you prefer to discipline your children in your own way if this is indeed your preference. Philippine culture usually says that all relatives are responsible for raising a child. If you are in situations wherein your children are among relatives, it is best to let all elders know of your wishes. They will respect your wishes if this is done politely and clearly. One of my own sisters prefers that she punish her own children herself instead of having the uncles or aunts do so, and this is perfectly alright.

If you find that your children have some discipline problems, there are several rules that may be observed to make this sort of discipline work: First, make sure the child understands why he is being punished before giving it. If the child understands his/her mistake and the need for the punishment, he/she is less likely to repeat it. Communication, not simple repetition of punishments, is the key.

Second, make the punishment fit the crime. When we were children, we got spanked on the behind either with a rubber slipper or a belt, depending on the gravity of the situation.

Thirdly, make sure the person performing the discipline is the most logical one. For example, one should not punish a child who is not of their own blood. Let an elder who is related closest to the child know of the offense so that they can render punishment as they see fit.

Answer 2

Discipline your child however you like. Keep in mind Philipines are smarter than Americans due to many factor, so if they do it, you may ask about the idea. Also, they don't have ADHD and autism, do they?