How can I get even with the vicar?

Question

His church bells were ringing out at 10am this morning woke me up here at Rotter manor, a frightful din I can tell you. How can I enact revenge on this selfish man, can I get the local authorities to serve an ASBO on him? Or should I simply have my seven foot henchman Bongo put the church windows through again?

Answer 1

Rotter my dear, you think you have problems.  I am disturbed hourly at my Westminster mansion by that bloody Big Ben. I am thinking of serving Boris Johnson with an ASBO. Toodle pip.

Answer 2

I've had the same problem for many years, the authorities think these bloody Christians Johnnies have a God given right to make a noise just when the feel like doing so! The Romans had the right idea, feed them to the Bloody Lions, I Say! Must dash, off to Polo in ten minutes!

Answer 3

that's easy, send one of the servants up to the bell tower to cut the ropes, hence no bell ringing to disturb your beauty sleep.

Then the vicar can have big shaped begging bowl outside the church asking the poor parishioners for more money

Answer 4

next saturday keep him up all night so he wont be able to wake up in time for his service

Answer 5

My dear Rotter. Hello, old chap. I've been rather busy of late, what.

A vicar problem? Hum, these vicars are always a d**n nuicence. Why anyone would want to spend a Sunday morning taking delight in clanging bells instead of clanging the gin bottles is beyond me, but alas, there are some sad people around.

I should deal with the problem quite simply, old chap, nip round to the church and snip off his "bell end". That should keep the old sod whining for a few weeks, eh.

Answer 6

Much easier than you think old chum'........simply have Bongo thieve the bell clappers during the midnight hour, then throw them into the Thames.   Nothing has been visible through that water since, errmmmm, approximately 1399.

Answer 7

May I suggest that you tie a sack round his donger, that way it will stifle his awful racket.

Answer 8

Wire his bells to some explosives so that the next time he bongs they go bang.

Answer 9

Simple, send your staff into the tower and remove the ropes from the bells then tie the ropes to piles of bricks so when they pull the bricks will fall and the lawsuit against the vicar will be huge! Make sure to plant brick dust and fibres from the ropes on the old buggers robe!

Enjoy your lie in next week old chap...

Pip Pip

Answer 10

Stick the cricket top-box from your jockstrap on your head everyone despises Jew impersonators.

Once he hates you already! You can then kick him in the conkers when he is caught off-guard in a Vicar strop.

Answer 11

Send him some Jehovas Witnesses as a present.

Answer 12

As grim as it sounds, I have heard a vicious rumor the Vicars bells swing and ring rather well on a Saturday night at the local swingers convention, down at Rotter Manor, thus appears to be self inflicted.

Bearing this in mind,  would an instrument of punishment such as leg irons be appropriate, in turn slow the gentleman down as he intermittently ambles back to his Parish? At least this way, you receive an extra hour or two towards the beauty sleep you obviously require.

Just a thought.

Answer 13

Haha. Excellent !