How can I get him to feel the way he used to feel about me?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and I feel like he loves me but not as much as he used to. Yes, we have been having a rough time ( 2 kids within 2 years ( I am due in December with #2), him conversing with other women, me not trusting him, accusing him which starts to the arguing) but since the counseling I miss how we used to be with each other. When we first got married he would give me these passionate kisses during s*x( and before he went to work) and when we went to sleep and he would hold me so tight when we would sleep together. Now, he feels like since we have been threw so much he can't look at me the same or feel the same way about him. He tells me that he wants me to be that same girl he met ( I met him when I was 16). But I can't go back into being that little girl I once was I have grown and matured. I want to know how can I break into that fence that he has around his heart. Better yet, have him feel the same way about me like he used to. What can I do?

Answer 1

Treat him the way you used to... Flirt, get all dolled up, etc... I'm sure there are tons of things you used to do that you don't do any more because you too have gotten comfortable.

And, of course, talk to your husband about how you feel and what you want. Hes not a mind reader.

I was in your same problem... and now I have a fun and flirty husband back. I didn't do things like I used to, which showed him that he didn't have to "try" if I wasn't. Make time for one another, give him the special treatment, appreciate who he is and what he does, respect him and love him the way you want to be loved. Treat him the way you want to be treated.

Like for instance, if you would enjoy breakfast in bed... I bet he wouldn't mind it either! OR, if you had a long day and would love a foot rub, I bet he would too!! Etc...

Answer 2

Tell him hes the one who needs to change he's trying to make it seem like your at fault lets remember he was unfaithful not you... Maybe in his little made up world he wants you to be 16 agian but get your 1st baby then show him your growing tummy and tell if i was that girl agian where would my children be... once a cheater always a cheater just try to talk it out no immature silent treatment it doesnt work really talk no more accusing that really does harm to a relationship you have to choose to forgive him and let go of what hes done you cant keep bringing it up and if you feel you  cant get over it its time to move on without trust theres no relationship...  

Answer 3

First and foremost you should congratulate yourself for wanting to work on your marriage.  Far too many people give up too easily.  So the fact you are here is a tremendous step in the healing process.

Secondly you have to take time out for the two of you.  Many new mothers are extremely reluctant to be away from their children for more than 30 seconds.  But this is something you have to do.  Make plans for a romantic getaway for just the two of you.  Go to that special restaurant, favorite city (besides the one in which you live), hidden beach or go somewhere neither one of you have ever been and discover something together you can share with one another.

Lastly, without seeing you or completely understanding either you or your husband it is difficult to completely assess your situation.  Have you changed in looks since being pregnant?  Are you spending more time with the baby than your husband?  What does he like - romance, affection, quality time, gifts, surprises, etc?  These are things that make it impossible to completely assess your scenario but hopefully they can help.  Let him know that he is more than just a baby-maker but someone with whom you share a deep connection and bond.

Or, when all else fails... offer up anal s*x!!! :)

Good Luck.

Answer 4

i dont' know. but my fiance and i fight more since we had our son in feb.

we just kiss and try to make time for each other. i know when he holds me and kisses me, it reminds me of the old days and i get all warm inside.

but the thing is, we both havent given up. if one person gives up, it's sooo hard, if not impossible, to get that back.

i like snuggling up while watching a movie.  when our son is asleep is pretty much all the time we can get. see if you can get a babysitter though, so you can go out and stuff.  

good luck.

Answer 5

Two years is nothing for this situation, you need to just focus on everyday life.  My best suggestion is to put a lot of beer in the fridge and let him drink it.  Try to end every argument as soon as possible.  Maybe in 6 or 8 years it'll get better.  It might take longer, like 20.

Answer 6

Okay i noticed that you said you not trusting him and him speaking with other woman. But yet you say that you have matured that dose not mae any sense. By him saying that he wants you to be the same girl he met means that he wants you to be the same as before maybe to him you seem to ***** more or complain about things that don't matter or maybe he just dose not see that you are the same in attitude wise or your personality changed. I have been married for 4 years this september and have had the same problem but i see where i went wrong and i am changing those things for example over the time i have became jealous and rude and for things that i don't like it shows in my face instead of me holding it in i let it out. There is a time to talk,cry,scream,laugh... There is a time for everything and unless you learn when is the right time for those things then it will never be the same. Talk deeply with him and let him know that you want to be the same again but don't say you want it say " Hunny what can i do different so things can be the same" that way he dose not feel like you are attacking him and he feels as though you are trying. Communication is the key and remember if something bothers you talk it out at night don't ruin your whole day. If you remember about it at night when you all are ready to talk about your day if it really mattered then it will come up. Remember if jelosy is an issue you are the one he comes to every night and looking is not a big deal. And if there is a girl in a little mini skirt you are tended to look and you are a women as well then hes likely going to want to look 10 times more hun hes a guy. Good luck and i wish you the best :)  

Answer 7

You may speak to him. If he feels as though he has taken a backseat to the kids, he is selfish. Choosing to have a family is the responsibility of 2 people, and he is clearly shirking his duties as a Father . He needs to be more involved with parenting, and grow with your new family  Time for him to step up to the plate, be a man, and live for his kids and the mother of his children. His behavior suggests he is immature and selfish. He needs to support you as the Mother of his children, and respect you for the pain of carrying the child and child birthing. He needs to realize the gravity of the choice he made, as a parent. You don`t need to do anything other than speak to him and tell him what you feel.Tell him you want to grow together as a family. Personal experience here- he needs to accept his role as a Father, and eventually, over time, through arguments and disagreements, you 2 will be bonded stronger than ever.

He should not be talking to other women, with the potential of fooling around. He is thinking with the wrong head right now. Draw as much attention as possible to your kids to try and make him realize you 2 are in this together. You can get through it, it takes time, but both of you need to be on the same page.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Try to be a little bit more playful. By saying this, I mean when you two are in the kitchen alone, maybe smack his butt.. Be cheeky and flirtaious at times where it is appropiate. I have found too the playfulness has worn off my husband and it is around the 2 year mark too. But in my case, he is put off by pregnant woman and doesn't even want to get intimate whilst pregnant. It does hurt me a fair bit because you should lov ethe person for who they are, not just a body..Maybe he has an issue with the pregnancy? Some men are like that.. Good luck on your pregnancy. I am due on the 31st August!

Answer 9

i'm only 17 but i will try to relate to your question.

first things first, you two are married so try not to accuse him of anything with other women; he married you cos he wanted to be with you for a really long time, if not forever; just keep thinking that to yourself! yeah these other women might want him, but he is YOURS! and you should be proud of that :)

secondly, at least your husband told you that he wants the old you back, yeah you were young but it don't mean you have to stop having a good time :) ask him what it was that he liked about you back then, tell him to speak to you and try to explain what he misses and then you'll be able to work on it won't you?

third, the reason he may not treat you the same, like when you two are in bed together may be that cos he has got his mind set on the past of how you used to be, cos you've changed, matured, grown up, he is finding it differcult to come to terms with as he is looking for that old you and he cannot find it which is obviously getting to him.

you two must love each other a lot to have two children together and to get married so really, you two should be talking to each other and finding out the problems you're having and you should be able to settle them between each other.

i wish you the best of luck with sorting your problems out and being happy together and also best of luck with baby number two :D