How can I get him to understand?

Question

After recurrent consecutive miscarriages, I have successfully made it to 15 weeks pregnant. My doctor, because of the miscarriages, has put me on restrictions: Don't lift anything heavier than my daughter (22lbs), don't do anything too strenuous, nap or rest at least once throughout the day, relax as much as possible, and ifI feel tired or breathless, stop what I am doing to rest. My husband doesn't seem to agree. He believes that because the pregnancy is succeeding, that I should ignore what the doctor says. He is very ignorant lately.

He comes home and the first thing he does is complains that there are a few crumbs on the floor or that the dishes aren't done or toys are on the living room floor. He only ever complains that the house isn't as clean as he likes it. I do what I can. I run a home child care at 5am and clean up after them before he gets home. To me, that is clean enough. It's unacceptable to him. He tells me all the time that I'm the only one responsible for...

Answer 1

Bring him with you the next time you go to the doctor.  Maybe hearing it from someone with a PhD will make him understand the seriousness.  If he can't figure this out or he doesn't cool it a little bit, maybe a seperation would be best for the two of you.  Sometimes being away from he person you take for granted shows you just how much he or she really does and how much you truly mean to one another.  He may need that serious of a wake up call.  Good Luck with baby number 2!!

Answer 2

I have a husband that doesn't really understand the vigors of pregnancy either. I have a two year old as well, and I'm 15 weeks along. Even though I havent experienced miscarriages, it still takes a lot out of me. I talked and talked....the only thing that worked was showing him. In my experience men do not respond to talking. They respond to things they can see. I do what I can. If the house is not up to par, too bad then he will have to clean it or just deal with it. We argue back and forth about who does more and its a futile arguement and it really doesn't matter. He's going to always think he does everything around here. I also explained to him that he cannot check out when he gets home...he still has a family. After a while he got off my back about things. I think if I jumped everytime he got testy he would still protest. He finally got the hint that I was really sticking to my guns about things. So now he doesn't and things are better now.

You just have to do whats best for you and the kids. He is a grown man and has to learn that he isnt one of the kids. You go ahead and rest up and do what you need to do to keep this baby healthy, believe me he'll be alright.

Answer 3

The last thing you need is to be stressed about pointless crumbs on the floor when you are in this precarious position? Get your Dr to talk to you husband and stress him that you NEED to follow his advice.

If HE finds the house unacceptably unclean( which i doubt it is anyway) then ask him to do it or get in some help for you?

Good luck with the pregnacy.

Answer 4

It's hard to get used to being pregnant... even the second time around.  It's hard on you, but remember it's hard on him too.  The thought of another kiddo can be very stressful.  I would suggest trying to understand WHY he is so stressed and consider that his actions my be his way of expressing his feelings of fear or otherwise about the new baby.  Communication is the ONLY way to make a family/marraige, work.  Try to breath, relax and look at it objectively.  Try removing your feelings from the situation and focusing on his.  Then try talking to him about it calmly and without placing blame.  You don't want him to clam up and freak out, so go slow and relax.  It'll be okay.

Answer 5

What I see if you run  home child care at 5a.m to whatever time you quit, he wonders how your doing bed rest.when you are busy with the children and if you can do that then why can't you take care of him and the house. isn't it strenuous exercise you say you can't do then what are you doing with a child care. does your doctor know you still are doing the child care???  restrictions are restrictions, what would you think if you turned it around and your husband could be pregnant then how would you feel.about him.  you can take him to the doctor and he can tell him the same thing it might measure but In my opion if you stop the child care or get someone to do it all and you really rest then maybe he'll feel different.

Answer 6

Wow, your husband is an idiot.

I think you should go on strike. Stop doing the laundry. Stop cleaning the house. Stop washing the dishes. Make him do it all himself. Then maybe he'll understand.

Answer 7

Your husband is stressing you out by yelling and being ignorant. You dont have to waste your breath and explain to him again and again...ignore him...and go rest...he needs to watch his behavior. Maybe from working and getting home and he has the "bad day" temper, let him blow it out, but dont take it seriously, let it go.  Don't argue with him, cuz it does stress you out. You can try to have a female friend come over or one of ur relative and help you out and enjoy your company with you.

My husband is hard worker but lazy at home and I also have doctor's restrictions, so when my husband wanted me to do all the loads of laundry, at the end I felt stressed and was leaking wet and showed him my wet underwear and pants and i told him, this is how fuxing u want me to lose the baby? my back hurts so bad, so i bitched at him and told him to leave me and let me do little by little, so from now on, he shuts up, cuz he wants the baby so much. I'm 18th weeks now. Maybe u can try ***** at once and walk away and hopefully it works on ur husband too.

Answer 8

Drag him to the doctor with you next time. Let the doctor explain it to him, sometimes men would rather listen to them than us. Then tell him that if he doesn't like the crumbs on the floor or the dishes in the sink that there is nothing preventing him from doing it, or from his hiring merry maids to come help you out.

As for watching your daughter, explain to him that god gave a child two parents for a reason, so that Mama doesn't have to do everything herself. Perhaps you need to leave your precious tot with him all day one Saturday while you "Go to a breastfeeding class" (and by that I mean afternoon at the spa after going shopping, or a day with your girlfriends)

Then, last but not least, throw a gallon of milk at his head and claim the pregnancy hormones made you do it (kidding, kind of... though it did work for me once :-D  )

Update: PLEASE bring all of this up in marriage counseling. I'm sure your counselor will have plenty to discuss about this issue.

Answer 9

sorry but your husband sounds like an *** hole! i'd tell him to try going through what you are and clean and run a day care... what a jerk....

Answer 10

Go to the doctor with your husband and have the doctor explain to your husband the restrictions you are on. You can also try marriage counselling. If he refuses to go, go alone.

Ask him to help out a little bit, and tell him that you're doing the best you can under the circumstances, which is a lot more than he's doing at home. Tell him he's responsible for your daughter as well. After all, he helped create her.

Hope this helps =)

Answer 11

YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT! Men don't understand how much energy our bodies use to grow a normal healthy infant. Take him to your next doctor's appointment and let the doctor explain it to him. No a house doesn't need to be spotless. If he's not happy how the house looks he should clean it. You also earn money doing home day care so he should give you a break. And it's his daughter too, so yes he needs to share responsibility