How can I get my 13 year old daughter to act respectfully and do what she is told?

Question

She yells at us and talks back and won't do her chores unless we tell her like 3 times. We have already grounded her from everything. I have even gotten physical with her.

Answer 1

lay down the line take away privileges don't give in let her know shes the kid and all you have to do as a parent is make sure she has clean clothes, doesnt have to be designer just clean clothes that fit, that she is fed, doesnt have ti be the best food just something to go into her stomach beard and water will do, she needs a place to sleep and thats all she's not the boss you are

Answer 2

dont let her see you break down ie. cry, yell, runaway. if you do, it make you look out of control.

dont get physical with her, she will lose respect for you. set her down, tell her that you apologize for getting physical with her, and that you plan to handle her next outburts better. then just ask her if anything is bothering her. open up discussion.

but when you do, dont make accucations, and dont blame. just listen to her, there maybe some things that are really troubling her. thats where my mom lost me....she stopped listening to me

Answer 3

don't get physical with her, tell her you love her that much you are going to try and be like her, so when she asks 'what's for dinner, reply , i .can't be bothered. same goes for ironing or washing of clothes. and when she asks, what the h***s going on, quietly say ,'can you give me  hand. and see what happens. 20 odd yrs. ago i dished up dinner one night on greasy plates that the kids didn't bother washing up, i said to them. "you live like pigs, then eat like pigs.' they soon got the message. tough love

Answer 4

Ok, I'm a 14 year old male, and you need to remember that things have changed big time since you were our age, and back in the day(whenever it was) you had to do wat you were told or you would get in huge trouble. In personal experience, my parents have threatened to take things away from me, but it doesn't work, and definately do not get physical, because she could run away, call the police or worse.  You just need to remember that even if you take something away, we will find a way to get it back. But something that I beleive really works is sitting down, talking to us, and figuring out what is going on.  Don't forget about all the pressures that we have, keepin up in school, drugs, our friends, relationships, and fitting in.

In short just sit her down, talk to her and try to find out what is going on. And if all else fails, Military School will straighten her out.  

Answer 5

That's a 13 year old for you. Don't get physical. This may sound off the wall but she can call the cops if you hit her and you can get arrested. I would say just tell her you go to school, come home, do chores, do homework, no fun, no nothing until you learn respect. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I'm 13, and I don't understand why parents don't remember how it is to be a teen. We are dealing a lot with peer pressure and we need to relax sometimes. Sit her down and tell her her obligations and when they should be done but trust me grounding us and getting physical with us only puts fuel to the fire. That way we get so mad that we don't even want to listen to you and getting physical actually scars us. We think of you (Parents) as protectors and hitting us makes us feel alone. Give her a day off a little break, you and your daughter only. That way you form a bond and the more she likes you the more willing she'll be to do things for you. But don't over do it so she gets spoiled just some fun things she likes to do.

Answer 7

Negotiate, but keep on top. You do what I say, you get something you want -- after a decent amout of time, say, a month, and you can lose it if you don't keep up the good behaviour. Nothing too expensive, like a new phone or iPod... Something like going to the movies with a friend or going out late one weekend.

Don't get physical, it doesn't work.

Try getting her into martial arts -- that's one place besides military school to learn discipline and respect for others.

Answer 8

Try to respond with positive comments rather than negative ones.  Teens thrive on positive feedback.  Negative ones are just going to send her against you even more.  Physical is NOT an option.  I would rebel as well if someone got physical with me.

It is hard to get into the habit, but it is possible.  It may take a while, but things can and will change if you aim to make the home a happy, enjoyable, and positive place.  

Good Luck

Answer 9

At this tender age, children dont understand the abstract idea of grounding and time out.  What they need is more physical intervention.  Might I suggest a good @ss-whooping to motivate her into doing her part?  And an appropriately placed backhand will more than deal with her back talk.

Just ask my kids

Answer 10

If she wants to be like that, treat her the same way.

You're the boss, and can control her food, clothes, cellphone, rides, etc.

Until she cleans up her act, and loses the attitude,

-Make her ride the bus to school. You should not have to drive a disrespectful child to school. (If you take her to school)

-Take away all of her clothes from her closet, and pick her out some new ones. They could be from a resale store, or anywhere. Just make sure she would NOT like them. If she wants to be a baby, Mommy gets to pick out her clothes.

-No cellphone, no internet, no computer, no tv, no friends over, no dessert, no outings. school. home. bed.

-don't wash any of her clothes. she can do it herself, if she wants to have a bad attitude.

She's a child. She should know that you are the one in charge, and that you deserve respect.

Of course, you could just reward good behaviour, but that might not work.

Answer 11

shut up and treat her with respect old lady!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 12

have you gotten physical with a belt?

Answer 13

She is going through puberty. The teen years are so hard and for most kids its the early teens when they are hit the hardest. Give her some slack.

Pick your battles. Decide which issues are important to you and let her know those are non  negotiable. Anything else can be discussed. You can base privileges and loss of them on whether she complies with the hard and fast rules. I do need to ask you what terrible thing is going to happen if she doesn't keep her room clean and you close the door on it? Will she get upset at not having clean clothes? Yep!  She will learn the consequence of making her own adult decision about her room, then she can learn to do her own laundry. (smirk here)

Are you sure she is always talking back or could she be trying to get you to understand what she is thinking and why she thinks she should be allowed to do some things? I hate to say it but I've noticed at times that the "attitude" is there because I haven't been willing to listen and my son feels like he is going to be ignored again. That isn't a good parenting technique. Ignore the attitude when she is trying to explain her side of things and she will probably drop it much sooner once she sees it isn't getting a reaction.  

Its very easy to get upset when our kids don't do what we tell them but you need to remember, she is growing up and preparing for adulthood from now on. You need to hear her side of things and then explain why you can't agree with her. There will even be times when she makes sense and you realize she is mature enough to handle a previously forbidden experience.

I've survived my daughter's teens and she is now a wonderful adult. We  had some major fights along the way as she struggled for independence that she was able to handle but I wasn't ready to let her have. I'm going through it now with a 13 year old boy. Fortunately I've learned from past experience and have been able to deal with him without going insane this time around. Its early days with him though so I'm sure I'll have a lot of fun at some point.  lol

Answer 14

I'm 13 , and what works for me is when my mom starts crying.

Or makes me feel guilty , then it really hurts and I do what I'm told.

she just needs a wake up call.