How can I get my 1st grader to understand it is not okay to break my rules when she's at school?

Question

My 6-year-old step daughter is in first grade. Every morning, I get her ready for school and put her on the bus.

One problem I've had since she was in Kindergarten is that I send her to school with socks on (or tights if she is in a dress/skirt) and she will take them off at school.

In the winter she said it was because her socks got wet, so I sent two pairs of dry socks with her so that couldn't be an excuse. But she does it anytime. When asked why, she says because she WANTED to.

I have told her over 15 times that she can't do this and what I send her to school in is what she needs to wear all day and her behavior is unacceptable.

My husband thinks I'm making a big deal about it. It's not the socks that I'm worried about... it is a 6-year-old thinking that she can just do whatever she wants to when she's at school and she doesn't have to do what we say.

I can only see this getting worse as she gets older.

What can I do? It's hard when my husband ignores it.

Answer 1

It could be that she doesn't like those socks maybe they're too itchy or something. My kids don't like wearing socks at all in the winter and I have cold slate tiles throughout the house. Even after buying so many socks and house shoes they still won't wear them. One day I took them to the store with me and let them choose their own socks. My son chose disney cars and my girls my little pony socks. They liked the fact that I took them shopping and that they got to choose their own socks. Maybe you should try that too take her on a sock shopping spree let her choose what ever she likes.

Answer 2

I have 2 step children. My husband doesn't and has never backed me up on anything with them. I have stepped in and raised them with little help from him or their mother. Now, 9 years later, I'm the one they resent. I'm the bad guy who makes them have a set bedtime and do homework. I'm the only one who makes them accountable for their actions.

My point is-Your husband will never change. don't have children with him because he won't back you up with them either.

Run like h**l-I wish I had.

Answer 3

One important part of being a mom is learning to pick your fights.

I understand your desire to have your child obey your rules at all times..but this is a good time for you to start accepting the fact that your daughter is her own person, and your rules are not always going to be followed.  After all, this is not a diabetic child who is eating candy at school.

This will come in very handy when she is older, and wearing socks will be rather irrelevent, given the way older kids tend to push limits.

Answer 4

Discuss it with the school to let them know that one of your rules is to have socks on (etc, whatever rule) and have them enforce it too.

Find some type of punishment... what is her favorite thing?  Does she watch TV, computer, books, games, etc?  Next time she breaks the rules at school, she loses those things until the next day.  Rule broken, nothing next day either.   Action=reaction

Answer 5

I have been a mom for 28 years to 4 kids who are now 28, 26, 23, and 10.  I have also provided child care in my home for 20 years.  One of the things you must embrace or risk losing your sanity is "don't sweat the small stuff".  In the grand scheme of life what is the harm in taking off your tights or socks because you want to?  If you make this an issue than it will become an issue.  I have one child of my own and have cared for several others who are tactically more sensitive.  Socks and clothing tags often cause quite a fuss for them.  I think if you let the issue of the socks/tights drop that everyone in your family will be happier.  Being the step-mom can be a balancing act that is difficult to pull off.  I am sure you want what is best for everyone.  It may be helpful to discuss this issue with your husband privately and come to a decision that is agreeable to both of you.  Presenting a united front is a much better deterrent to defiant behavior than making her follow a rule with little long-term value.

Answer 6

You're making a big deal about nothing.  The world won't end because your daughter isn't wearing socks.  You might want to focus on the really important things...socks aren't that important.

Answer 7

This isn't about her rebelling. This is about her not wanting to wear socks.

As for you wanting to control every aspect of her life... get over it! You can't do that anymore.

Do you want a slave or a daughter?

Answer 8

Your husband is right.  You are making a big deal out of something very unimportant.  Buy her a pair of Crocs, and send her to school without socks.

Answer 9

I agree with your husband. You are making a big deal about it. You need to pick your battles wisely. She is not hurting herself or others. Let it go. She sounds like a normal six year old.

Answer 10

well i suppose, if you wanted to you could fake a principal visit. what i mean is meet with the principal, and have him/her call you little girl down to the main office. he cant really suspend her because it isnt against the rules, but he can scare the living daylights out of her.

Answer 11

Is there a reason why you feel she should wear socks?  If so, explain that reason to her.  Not just, "Because I said so", but, "Because ...  (I can't think of any reason, myself, why socks are necessary to be polite, safe or healthy, but if you have one, you would insert it here)".  

If there is no reason for the rule, though, it *is* a power struggle that you're creating - not a logical life lesson that you want to pass on.  You are not treating your child with respect, you're treating her as someone who must obey you, no matter what.  

Even if the reason is just, "Mommy is weird about socks & embarrassed when you don't wear them", though - that should be enough.  She should, also, respect your feelings & not want you to be embarrassed, because she loves & honors you & is concerned about your feelings.  

But, the best way to get her to treat you with honor & respect is to model that behavior yourself, when dealing with her.

Answer 12

I can see why this is bothering you. You want her to learn obedience, even if it is something like not putting on her socks. Tell her that she is to do what you tell her to. Tell her that if she is disobedient, then she will receive a conseqence (whatever you feel is appropriate to her). Obedience is important and as you said, let her get away with the little things now, and she might expect to get away with bigger things later!

Answer 13

sit down with your husband and tell him you concerns about this willful disobedience.  maybe he does not understand the reasons behind your concern for the socks staying on.

Answer 14

Send her to school without socks on. Tell her not to put any on while she is there.  You will both get what you want.

Answer 15

Maybe the socks cause a discomfort? I have very sensitive feet and did from a very young age.

Talk to the teacher. Let them know she needs to wear her socks through the day.

Ask your daughter if the socks/tights are causing her discomfort. You may need to find seamless type, or change from cotton to another type.

Answer 16

Take something from her.

Say "If you come home again and you're not wearing your socks, or I find out you take them off at school you'll be in big trouble."

If the treat doesn't work, take something.

If she does it again after punishment, personally I'd spank her, but I don't want to get reported cuz some idiot thinks spanking is child abuse, take something she really wants from her (not the nightlight or teddy bear, but something...)

And have a heart-to-heart with the hubby!  If he doesn't stop maybe take something from him... hmm.. lol