How can I get my 4 year old to listen?

Question

My hubby and I are very passive people. And have never been much for discipline. I am not sure how to go from not disciplining her often to disciplining her when she doesn't listen because I am sure if she listened we would have no problems.

The thing is her 20 month old sister is following in her foot steps and I am not sure what to do with her is she old enough for time outs????

Please help but don't critize me as a parent.

Answer 1

Your four year old has been old enough for timeouts for a while now.  My biggest piece of advice would be this - always agree with the other's discipline in front of your daughter.  If parent A says no then parent b says no and both follow through with the decision - fully.  Say no, repeat it with more sterness (firmly, but tightly grab the child's arm, move in closer, the eye,  etc.) and then remove him from the situation ASAP if the behavior continues.  Quick, meaningful timeouts are the best way to grab the child's attention and to let your child know you mean business.  It's amazing how quickly the child will become sensitive to your first no if he knows what will come next.

I'd concentrate on your four year old for say the first week and let the 20 month old get accustomed to the new behavior expectations.  Then follow the same guidelines with her, including short (2-3 minute) time outs.  I'd imagine your are going to have to sit through timeouts with her though - back turned from her but ready to put her back in place if she tries to leave.

Behavior tends to get worse before it gets better, so be prepared for a rocky start.  

Answer 2

The best advice I can give you is to enroll in a parenting class.  

In any case, keep your expectations to the simple stuff - a 4 year old is just beginning to get the idea about different behaviors, but they can, and will learn to cooperate.  

One of the best quick tips I can give is to get her to "buy into" what it is that you want her to do.   Phrase it in terms of "helping mommy" or "helping daddy" -- kids do like to help.    Mix in a lot of love and affection and you'll be surprised how much further that goes than the punishing and hitting others are likely to advise in response to this question.      Of course consequences are definitely a part of parenting, but at this point even a minor consequence is usually enough to get a 4 year old's attention.  

From the below link:

"Spankings do for a child's development what fistfights between spouses do for a marriage."  

Answer 3

I agree with the other posters - discipline is something that your child learns FROM YOU.  She's not going to pick it up on her own.

Children have a difficult time changing from one activity to the next, so give her a countdown when you want her to change activities - for example, if you want her to stop playing and pick up her toys.  Tell her, "In 2 minutes, you need to pick up your toys." Then, "In 1 minute, you need to pick up your toys. 10 seconds to picking up your toys. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!  Time to pick up your toys!"  You may get more cooperation that way.

The most important thing is to be firm, calm, and consistent.  You are the boss and YOU decide what she needs to do.  No negotiating with her.  You can give her two choices (pick up your blocks or pick up your dolls), but don't waiver from your goal.

Expect tantrums and other "acting out" behavior - tears, meanness, etc.  Don't allow her to physically hurt you - you don't hit or bite her, she shouldn't do the same to you.  At times, it may seem like time-outs or taking privileges and toys away isn't working... but keep at it.  You should see improvement within a month or so.

Answer 4

i had the same problem with my 4yr old son... he was born really sick, and due to him always being sick... i gave in. constantly. then i was paying the price... dearly. he was so used to getting his way it seemed like nothing would work. i didnt want to discipline sometimes cuz i was afraid he'd think i was just being mean to him.... since i'd let it go for so long.

but u have to take charge! i did... i started giving him time outs... he HATES time outs and being put on punishment more than anything.

also eye to eye contact is VERY important.... get on her level and look her square in the eye when you speak. this will really make her pay attention to what you're saying.

i also take away his favorite toys if he doesnt behave... i've learned that it was MY fault. if i had done the right things from the start then i wouldnt be going through all this. i also felt bad for my son because i should have set the limit a LONG time ago.

everything will be fine. just start setting limits... and STICK to them.

he'll learn how to listen, but you HAVE to be consistant.

PS. my son also hates being put in the corner... hope i helped.