How can I get my daughter to cope with being away from me at preschool?

Question

My daughter is starting preschool next month(she is 4). I am a stay at home mom and have been since day 1, so she is quite attached to me. She is also very shy, so how can I get her to cope with being away from me at preschool for 3 hours a day?

Answer 1

you can explain to her that she will have fun meeting new friends, and play games, just reassure her that you will be back . i would also take her there and stay with her so see can get use of the eviroment. and even when its her first day, stay there and when she is busy, just leave. and if she has been good take her to get an ice cream cone or something. and ask her what she did all day. It will be hard on her at first, but once she gets use of being around other children and that she will be fine.

Answer 2

my baby(she is shy also) cried every morning from Aug. to Dec when she started Preschool...she carried her baby and the teacher stayed by the window to help her wave as I drove off...before I left quickly, I would kiss, love you and see you later...she always stopped crying as soon as she did not see my car and was very happy and  involved all day long and loved preschool...she is 16 now and a great young lady.  remember the love you and I will see you later...reassurance!

Answer 3

She will calm down and cope over time no matter what, but it's your social cues your daughter will read off of and react accordingly.  So, you have to be the one who is firm and yet compassionate at the same time without feeling guilty about what you are doing.

One of the things she may do after you've had her home for the evening is act out her passion towards missing you.  This acting out are drawn out tantrums that seem to stem out of no where.  

If you can recognize it for what it is, then you will not perceive it as a bad thing but rather, handle it with a calmness and firmness until she adjusts.

With time, you will be thankful that she is learning new social skills to draw her out of her shyness as she is interacting with other children and learning how to make new friends.

You just have to let go but don't let her see you cry when you have to go to work.

Answer 4

One of the most important things you can do is have a positive attitude about the whole thing.  If you reassure her too much, she will think that there must be something to worry about.

Another thing to do is give her opportunities to stay  with someone else for short periods of time ( friend or relative --and at THEIR house.)    She needs to know that when you leave, you always come back.

As far as her being shy, the teachers have coped with that before, so they should be able to help with that.

Spend the next few weeks telling her all the fun things she will get to do there.  Explain the routine to her.

I was a working mom for many years  ( they are all grown now)  On one occasion, all three of them were crying as I left them at the sitter.  When I went to get them at the end of the day, the sitter told me that I had not even pulled out of the driveway and they stopped crying.   So don't give up too easily.  She needs to be able to do this for school   -- and you need to be able to let her do it.

Answer 5

I'm an assistant teacher, I hope this little info will help u!  At times, we allow parents to come in and join their child for the first 3 days in class. While you are with her, do show and introduce the environment to ur child, as in: toys, learning centres. Get up & close with his/her classmates. There will be someone in that class who is helpful to help others!! If u noticed that she adapts well, try not to stay longer, perhaps u could exclude urself on the 3rd day trial, if he/she is fine. If ur child is still not adapting well after the trial session, maybe u could let he/she bring their own favourite toys/books to school. It can be anything, we usually allow younger children to bring their blanket, as they would feel secure and safe to have it with them. One more thing is, pls do not stay at the school for a long time. Just pop ur child to his/her class. Say goodbye to each other and off u go! No worries, I am sure things would be fine. She would enjoy it! If she doesn't, pls check with teachers. Good luck!

Answer 6

I would start off with taking her there in the next month just to play with the kids. The first time or two you can stay, however if this causes a problem you might just have to jump to the next step. When you take her there to leave her, explain to her before hand that you have to run to the store and she can stay and play. When you drop her off, drop her off, give her a kiss, tell her you love her and you will be back in just a little while. Then leave, leave with confidence and a smile. The teachers there will get her calmed down once you leave. It is impossible to calm her while you are there. This is so hard to do. But if the teachers have trouble with her they will call you. In many many years of dealing with children, this is the best way for most kids.

I say all that to tell you this too: You know your child better than anyone. If this is not right for you or her you will know.

Answer 7

When I went through this similar experience my son was 18 months old.  For the month prior to his starting daycare (and me going back to work) I went in to the daycare with him 3 or 4 times a week.  I let him get familiar with his environment, got to know the staff, play with the other children...  It was beneficial for both myself and my son.   He still cried when I left him on the first day (and several days after that) and I cried too, but it helped us both by experiencing his class room together.  I was assured that after I left he joyfully played with the other children.  I think I was more anxious through the entire experience and that can easily transfer to you child.  I would encourage you to pay close attention to the non-verbal cues and signals you may inadvertantly be sending to your child.

Answer 8

I can relate!  My daughter was 3 when I had to enroll her in daycare and she too was very attached and shy.   I started her a week before my job and spent time with her at day care so she would be comfortable amongst the other children and teachers.  Each day, I gradually left earlier until she was OK. I also sent in a picture collage of her family to be placed in her cubby.   I also sent in her favorite stuffed animal for her to hold when missing me.  She adjusted fine.   In all honesty, I think it was harder on me than her.   She'll be fine!!  Merry Christmas to you both!

Answer 9

Try leaving her with others for small amounts of time until you start preschool.  If she is upset allow her to have a small pic of you she can keep in her cubby.  She will soon realize how much fun she is having and look forward to being dropped off.  She will want to share her day with you on the ride home.  Good Luck

Answer 10

meet people who are going to that school the week before

they can be friends when they go to school

have more babysitters come to watch her

remind her you will be back

Answer 11

Maybe let her bring some sort of Stuffed toy that she likes, or a blanket. You can try spritzing some of your perfume on that item so that she feels safe.

Make sure that you say "see you later" at the beginning of her day, and to be there as soon as she gets off so that she knows that you will be there after her day is done

Answer 12

I would send something to school w./ her. but do not dally @ the door and make a big deal about how much you lover her and will miss her, How she sould be a good girl, and play w/ the other kids, don't worry b/c you will be back.  She may be just fine w. it.   otherwise this will make her see it as an even bigger deal than it is.   You might try taking her to a friends for an hour w/o you, and then 2 hrs.  WOrk her up.  Do you go to church, trey sending her to sunday school or children's church w/o you for an hr or so.

Answer 13

Our daughter started pre-school this year at 2.9 and had never been away from home without us for a class before.  It was chaotic and difficult and many of the young children had a tough time adjusting.  So -- brace yourself for 2-3 weeks of tears.  We thought we wouldn't survive but now she loves school and seeing her friends every day.  We talked to her about school, visited in advance and let her meet her teachers.  We did playgroups with the children who would be her classmates and we brought a photo album we had made together with pictures of her family for her cubby.  What was hard in her class was that some parents were staying and others going.  Our daughter bonded with the other parents who would then leave, so she was doubly distraught.  Eventually the school set up a better ritual of saying goodbye to all the parents earlier and engaging the students more effectively.

It will all work out and you will enjoy seeing this amazing little person blossom.