How can I get my daughter to take school seriously?

Question

My child is in Grade 9, she hasn't been doing well in her some of her subjects; she is unfocused, and unorganized and always waits to the very last minute to try and jam in some study time. i tell her that she needs to review for a least two hours each night in preperation for a test. she gets a bad mark and says i don't know what happened i studied. (maybe 2 hrs in total). I restrict her priveleges, such as computer, outing, friends etc. but nothing seems to work. I am at the end of my rope because I know, I know, how much potential she has. What can I do?

Answer 1

By no means am I saying to let your daughter slack off but freshman year is a big transition from middle school.  Back then work was probably easy enough to just glance at a book but now she has to work harder.  Very common.  Help her come up with a schedule... you help but she needs to do this with very little of your input so she can learn time management.  Social development is as important as academics at her age so keep her balanced.

Also if she's far behind, request summer school and hire a tutor during vacation so she can catch up.

Answer 2

you should have started earlier on making her study and do homework. give her some priveleges, but dont take away them all, or she will go balistic. try baking a batch of cookies or her favorite meal while she studies. or cook while shes studying with you, so you review and give her something she likes as a treat. bribe her saying youll give her like 50 dollars if she gets an A in the class shes failing, or if atleast give her 20 or 10 if shes gets them to C's or B's.

Answer 3

If you want to give your daughter a sober reawakening, take her down to the local homeless shelter and have her meet some of the people there. Have them recount their days of growing up and quitting or getting expelled from school. (I'm not assuming that all homeless people are high school dropouts, mind you.)

One of the consistent themes one hears from homeless people and those in rehabilitation clinics is the desire to have made better decisions when younger. If your daughter comes to realize that ignoring her education will leave her with fewer and fewer options as she grows older, perhaps she will re-dedicate herself to her studies.

I don't deny that my suggestion sounds harsh, but sometimes, nothing works better than a cold slap of reality to straighten a person up.

Good luck to you and to your daughter.

Answer 4

Reward for good behavior. Such as money or an extra previledge if she does good on a test or project. And money or something special for good grades on the report card. For Instance (depending on your budget) A=$10 B=$5 C=$0 and D= lose $5 F= NOTHING at ALL.

I did decent in school, mainly As and Bs and the occasional C. I really wish I would have been pushed more b/c I know I could have done better. Who knows? I could have gotten nearly all As and the occasional B. I did better in college but probably still could have pushed myself a little more. What I'm trying to say is that it is VERY good that you are not going to let her slack off. She will regret it one day. It might be 10 years later, but she still won't be able to fix it.

If you really feel like she is slipping in certain courses go to the teachers and ask them how you can help her. They might give you some pointers to make sure she reads, or get her to do some extra work like the questions that are in the back of each chapter. It never hurts to ask. If it is a class that has vocabulary then that is a great place to start. Work with her and quiz her on the words and their meanings. Yes, it is more work for you but we'll do anything for our kids right?! Just stay involved. that is the best thing you can do!

Keep up the good work!

Answer 5

Let her know that right now she might not understand how important it is to get an education. Tell her that if she keeps on like this, she'll regret it for the rest of her life.

Answer 6

As maddening as this is for you, her school performance is between your daughter and the school.  You may set your household standards (say, 'C' or better or loss of freedoms/goodies), but it's up to her to become successful.

Does she have any idea what she wants to do?  What does she enjoy learning about?  She may need a little help figuring out how to get from where she is ("I HATE SCHOOL") to where she wants to be ("RICH", "FAMOUS, "ALONE").

Chances are you are frustrated because you have a bright kid that is under-performing scholastically.  Is there something she does really well?  Can you encourage her in that direction and just throw up your hands when she seems not to know what happened to her grades?  

I hope to hear how things go.  Best of luck to you!

Answer 7

I had the same problem with my daughter. I ended up spanking her when she didn't study properly, and that helped. Grade 9 may be a little late to do that, but you could try (or use some other consequences she dislikes).

Answer 8

Sit down and talk to her about how to study. I am somewhat concerned that you have ideas of studying that aren't particularly helpful for all people.  That is why it's important to learn study skills - what works for you may not be useful for your daughter.

I would NEVER study 2 hours each night in prep for a test. Didn't even do that in college.  What is important is that you spend the time learning the stuff as it is presented.  The time before a test should just be reminder.

Also, consider that the reason she doesn't study may have to do with a learning disability.  I totally bomb on rote memorization; always did. My brother has short term memory problems. If he reads it, he may not remember it, but hearing it works very well.

Answer 9

I have one of those..do you know she started drinking coffee and next thing I know..She is doing homework, doing chores, helping out more, sleeps better...because she is up in energy and burns herself out at night and sleeps well.

If you don't want to go that route, you can always check her diet. She may not be eating right, may need a daily vitamin or may have a sleeping problem. Kids her age need about 10 to 12 hours of sleep every night.