How can I get my daughter to understand she cannot save every single cat?

Question

Whenever there's a stray my 16-year-old daughter will leave food out for it. She's feeding at least 8 cats as of now and I hate having them in my yard. Not only that, she's wasting her summer volunteering at animal shelters. I want her to enjoy the rest of her summer and stop worrying about saving all the cats and dogs in the world.

Answer 1

I think your daughter is wonderful to want to help animals.However,the cats should be spayed or neutered ,which would stop any more from being born.This might be something you could help her with. After they are fixed,they can be released into your yard.If they have homes,they will most likely go home after being fixed,as they will be less inclined to roam.If not,you can place a few shelters out for them for winter.Then,next spring,you won't have to worry about any of the cats having kittens.Instead of 8 cats and several litters of kittens,you will only have the ones that are coming now. And how wonderful of her to volunteer at the shelter.I wish there was a shelter near my home where I could volunteer,and if I had a daughter,I would be so proud of her,showing such compassion towards animals.Now,why not make this an opportunity to get closer to your daughter and help her out at the shelter and with feeding and catching the cats to get them fixed?

Answer 2

You're daughter sounds exactly like me and I'm the same age. Except you are not like my mom. My mom is very supportive of me in what I am doing. I volunteer at an animal shelter also. It sounds like she is enjoying her summer doing what she is doing, so why not support her? She is doing great work and saving lives. What you should do with the strays is trap them and get them spayed/neutered so they can't have babies and you won't have more in your yard. It's free, it's a special thing called TNR. By the way, your daughter is 16 and sounds very smart. She knows that she can't save every cat but she will save the ones that she can, that is a great thing to do. I know I can't save every cat or dog but I am doing the best I can to save a lot. I think you should let your daughter do what she enjoys. She is an animal lover and there should be more people like her. Appreciate her for what she is, an extremely caring teenager most probably unlike many of her peers whom are selfish and wouldn't care about an important subject like this. If she likes to save animals, let her. I do not mean for this to sound rude but I think you should open your eyes a little. Your daugher is a great person who is doing great things!

Answer 3

There are two things here to recognize and seperate...

1.  You don't like having too many cats in your yard.

And...

2.  Your daughter, reaching the early years of adulthood, is establishing her identity and self expression in the world, distinct from yours.  While you want naturally have feelings of what your daughter "should be like", you want to be careful to let her become her own person, within boundaries appropriate for her age.

So how do you support her finding her own self expression, letting her grow and develope, while meeting your own needs at the same time?  Set boundaries.  Give her a budget and a space in which she can do what she feels is right.  This might come in the form of a budget for animal food, plus a corner of the yard away from your front door.  Then explain to her that if she wishes to exceed this budget, she will have to find her own resources (such as another yard).  If she then finds the resourcefulness to raise funds for additional animal food, or forms a partnership with an animal shelter to help care for cats, then you'll have done your job as a parent in teaching her to be self sufficient and capable of finding her self expression in the world.  And at that point, you will have every right to be very, very proud of your daughter.

Answer 4

Aaaawwww.........that is soooo.... cute. Your Daughter sounds like an absolute sweetheart and has love and respect for animals. I relate hehe......I use to do the same thing. I even hid a stray kitten in my closet once and went to school! When I came home from school, not only the kitty was waiting for me but a whopping too! Ha!

Your Daughter has a great compassion or love for animals and she means well. : )

Answer 5

There are two issues here:  1) Feeding the cats and 2) Her volunteering.

She clearly cares for animals and for cats, but her feeding the animals could be problematic.  She needs to see if any of them have homes and come foraging because they know she'll feed them.  For those who have homes, you need to talk to the cats' caretakers and encourage them to keep them indoors.  For those who don't have homes, you might want to contact the shelter where she volunteers and find out if there's a TNR (trap, neuter, release) program in your area.

As for her volunteering, maybe she is enjoying her summer caring for animals. I'm clearly not alone in thinking this is not a waste of her summer.  I think it's great that she's volunteering instead of doing nothing or worrying more about shopping and designer clothes.  Your daughter has compassion, a wonderful quality, and she is putting it in action.

She will learn all too soon that she cannot save every animal, if she hasn't already (and if she's been there long enough, she must know that some of the animals at the shelter where she's volunteering have been euthanized).  But just because she can't save all of them doesn't mean she shouldn't try to save some or make the lives of those she can't save better.

Answer 6

she is not wasting her summer. kids wont always be the great people you want them to be, but, as long as they are happy, you have to support them.

i know you would rather say your daughter is working for some congressional rep, but she is doing what she wants to do.

feeding strays is a bad idea, they will breed and make more stays. homes need to be found for them

call who ever runs the shelter, maybe they can explain to her that she cant help them all. and feeding strays is not the answer.

and suggest college for vet . maybe you will feel better if she gets a degree.

Answer 7

you should be encouraging her to volunteer at the animal shelters. she probably enjoys working there helping them.

it's a good thing that she's trying to help the cats and dogs of the world; more people should be like her.

you have to understand, this is your daughter's passion; animals. you don't really sound like the animal type, so i guess you can't really see eye-to-eye on this subject.

she sees soo many animals being put down at the shelter, and when she can help a stray, she does all in her power to help it.

however, i can see you can be stressed with the idea. just sit her down and explain that she can't help all of the animals.

i hope you can understand where she's coming from.

Answer 8

you should be praising your daughter for caring for stray cats,if there were more people like your daughter,a lot more cats would survive rather than die from hunger or cruelty..plus at least she doing something rather than sitting on street corners with friends drinking and smoking..and causing trouble to neighbours

Answer 9

she is an animal lover-best advice- let her do it...shes not wasting anything you just think that

Answer 10

well said Penny and Percy!!! I agree!

what are cad you are! how can you even think that volunteering is a waste of time?? my daughter and I volunteer at our local no kill shelter taking care of all of the cats, we also feed the feral cats. What would you rather she be doing with her time? cruising for a piece of ***, doing drugs, getting drunk and getting pregnant, being a vandal, learning the fine points of B&E? I am glad that your daughter is more mature than you. sheesh!! I have heard it all now..griping because the kid is a valuable contributing member of society. Be thankful that you have such a kid..you sure don't deserve her.

Answer 11

your daughter is very nice and she is just trying to help out have her take them to an animal shelter you need to accept your daughters niceness and tell her that animal shelters are good for cats but pet stores are bad for them tell her every new cat needs a good home but you cant have a million cats in your yard the animal shelters only give the animals to good people  try to be nice and talk to her about it

Answer 12

"Wasting her summer volunteering"?  So your daughter, unlike you, has compassion for animals and understands that shelters need help caring for all the homeless animals - and you're AGAINST this?  Most parents would be thrilled that they had such a socially conscious, mature caring teen.  What would you rather she do?  Spend her time at the mall?  Smoke pot with the bad kids?  Get a job so she can buy a designer purse?

All I can say is thank god this girl isn't growing up like her uncaring mother!  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Funny how adults are usually the ones teaching kids.  In this case, however, you could stand to learn quite a lot from your daughter!

Answer 13

your daughter is just an animal lover. tell her that the cats shes feeding are most likely not homeless and if they were, cats are one of the world's most dependent animal. birds are easy for them to catch(mine has caught 8 in the past two months) and they can probably steal food from other people's food/water bowls.

Answer 14

awwwww that is the sweetest thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  praise her forher lovingkindness  and let her watch this video!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG...

a lot ofpeople go to great lengths for love of animals..these men travelled thousands of miles after a year to reunite with their beloved pet and this is the  video of the reunion GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU CRY (HAPPY TEARS)

Answer 15

By all means, she is not "wasting" her summer by volunteering at animal shelters.  What a great thing for such a young woman to do- to realize that she has the power to give back and help make this world a better place.  I am really disheartened that you, as a parent and as an adult, would see this as a "waste."  What was it you do for a living???  I'll guess your job isn't one in which you are truly making a difference in this world.  Shame on you.

Tell her the best method to take care of this situation is to do "catch and release."  Take the cats in to a shelter's clinic and they will spay/neuter for free.  Millions of animals are killed every year in the US because they are homeless and the best way to stop the overpopulation problem is to spay and neuter.  She should stop feeding them, however.  This only encourages more cats to come to your home and it contributes to the overpopulation problem we face.

Answer 16

wow ur just a bad mom; helping at animal shelters is definitely NOT a waste of ur summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [sigh]

Answer 17

Perhaps she IS enjoying her summer, doing something that means something to her. She will find out soon enough that you can't save everybody. If you seriously can't stand the cats in your yard well, you are the adult, tell her she can't do it, call the local authorities and have them trapped and taken away. A better idea might be to get in contact with the people who do trap, neuter and release and do a good deed yourself.

Answer 18

oh yeah! She's wasting her summer caring for cats and volunteering at the shelter..... Just like you wasted your time writing that sob story thinking someone was going to support you... lol...

Your a LOSER, Your daughter is doing a great thing! If my son did that, My husband and I would support him. (and he's only 7 yrs old)

Go fishing or something and leave her alone! Get a hobby!

Answer 19

I love animals and volunteer for the humane society in my area.  At 30 I still have a problem dealing with not being able to save all the cats.  If she loves animals the way I do she does not feel like she is wasting her time, but she is doing something that makes her very happy.  Just back off and let her do what she loves.  She is not doing anything wrong, and be glad she is doing something that is helping out some loving cats and dogs.  

Answer 20

You really belive your daughter is wasting her time doing something she cares very much about that actually shows kindness and caring?

Do you know how hard it is to see these animals at a shelter that are going to die?  Obviously she is the grownup with the values. Let her be and go with her passion that hurts no one or you may lose her