How can I get my dog to accept the teachings of Jesus Christ?

Question

I want my furry companion to go to heaven with me when he leaves this earth, but I'm afraid that if he continues on his current path, the Lord won't allow him to pass through the pearly gates. I know the good book tells us NOT to judge, but he's exhibiting behavior that I just can't ignore. For instance:

- He is not in a monogamous relationship.

- He engages in "special relations" with other male dogs.

- He sniffs other dogs butts when I take him to the park.

He's acting like a Liberal! Can somebody please provide some solid advice as to how I can get him to behave like a Christian?

Serious Answers only please.

Thanks!!

Answer 1

LOL! is this some kind of a joke?

Answer 2

First off, you need to get him circumcised.  f******n is unclean.  You need to remove him off of those sites with those girls.  Then, you need to have him drink holy water, no more regular water for that heavenly hound.  Make sure he prays before every meal, and that he crosses his doggy legs while doing so, out of respect.  You're going to have to convince him that he's not to have "special relations" with other male dogs unless he intends on moving to California and engaging in that abomination... he at least needs to make the other party bound to him by law.  Good luck... I'll pray for him.

Answer 3

LOL! hahaha! but to be serious, all animals know that there is a higher being on a different plane than us so if he does what he is commanded of him to do he won't go to h**l i promise you that... dogs are mainly polygamous in nature because it is what they are commanded to do. but they do this on a cyclical basis that's why we have such terms as mating seasons. now if he doesn't respect this somewhat law then he's just like us human sinners... likes to f*** now and then and all. now that's the sin...

another thing... what special relations to other male dogs.. that's not natural and i think you could've misinterpreted that.

and i think smelling butts is their way of communicating "hello" to one another.. they whiff on other dogs butt to determine their smell so the moment they meet again they would know its "them" they are interacting to... something like that

well if he does what god commanded him to do then he wont go to h**l(animals have their own commandment y'know)... like people, if man does what god commanded him to do then we won't go to h**l either.. (^_^).v,,

Answer 4

If there is heaven, your dog will end up in heaven because he returns many fold the love he receives. All humans must learn this from dogs.

Answer 5

LOL! This question is pure gold...i love it. LOL!  

Answer 6

Keep using the "holy" book's paper to pick up his doggy doo-doo and to wipe his rear end with. Instant conversion!

But seriously (you asked for a serious answer), you need to give your dog more Beggin' Strips for acting so NATURALLY.

Answer 7

Most of the bible's commands are directed at humans and yet the dogs understand about your faith in God if you joyfully appreciate them in an appropriate friendly manner...

Answer 8

Serious of all serious the only way to get your dog to understand is speak in your dogs language. If you can't do that, hire a dirty hooker, they'll preach in dog words for they like it rough..... woof woof!

Answer 9

You have to first accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior and Lord (boss) for yourself before you can talk about anyone or anything else.

Mockers don't go to heaven, nor do skeptics nor scoffers.  One mocks God at one's own risk.