How can I get my husband more active in housework?

Question

I am 5 months pregnant and we already have a one year old. I work 40 hours and he works full time overnight and really need some help around the house. I have made a schedule for him to help me clean up on the days that he is off. I am worried that he still won't follow it. I have voiced my opinion to him but is there anything else that I can do?

All answers are appreciated!!

Thanks!

Answer 1

Opetke:

Well said brother.  Well said.  

If women were more focused on rewards rather than nagging and worrying marriage would be a blessing rather than a sentence.

Do they think that by acting bitter and angry was how they got us to marry them in the first place?  

No?  

Then why does it have to be like that now???

Answer 2

Ever raised a dog?

Dogs are not like people in that they respond very well to negative reenforcement.

Men do not. We respond to positive reenforcement. So the way to get your husband to do more work is not to:

1. Control him by putting together a schedule for him to follow

2. Nag him when he doesn't follow your schedule

3. and force him to put up with you worrying that he won't follow your schedule

This is a good way to force him away from you. This is, incidently, what happens when you meet an older married couple and the guy is completely spaced out...he's used to metally disengaging from his wife.

Rather, you need to give him as much positive reenforcement as possible.

Everything that he cleans, compliment him with kisses and hugs. Even if he doesn't clean anything, tell him how much you appreciate his hard work while you're asleep. Tell him how safe he makes you feel and how wonderful it will be to have his child.

Do that for a couple of weeks and you'll soon have a guy who is comming to you for his positive reenforcement voluntarily.

HIM:"Honey, I mowed the lawn today!"

YOU: "Wow! I looks a lot better! Thank you dear."

or conversely

YOU: "Could you help me with the garbage real quick? I've already pulled it out of the can and tied it up, but lifting it into the garbage requires a big strong guy like you."

HIM: "Well, if you're going to be like that...{blush}..okay."

Don't try to control your man with rules and lectures. He's not a child. Control him with love, affection, and appreciation. The more you do this, the easier it is for us to think of you before ourselves.

Besides, you're about to bring a child into this world. Do you want that child to be raised in a house of screaming, demanding, fighting, and slamming doors?

Make your home a place of love. The power to do this is all in the woman.

Answer 3

hire a maid

Answer 4

All you can do now is wait and see.  You told him your issues, you put up a chart to let him know what needs to be done, so wait it out.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I'd love to know how to do this too, I'll be checking back!

Answer 6

i wouldn't hold my breath waiting for him to do "his share" of the housework.  be sure you let him know and say "thanks, that helped so much" when he does help (it encourages him to do it again, seriously, sort of like praising a dog).  anyways, all dog references aside, just know that you may have to lower your standards and accept the fact that as you are pregnant and have an infant, the house likely will be less clean and orderly.  that's just the way things are.  especially after the baby is born, you might have a hard time just getting a little sleep nevermind picking up a broom.  either one of you.

in the meantime, pay attention to what your man DOES do that makes you happy or helps you out.  sometimes that quick trip to the gas station to fill up your car will take just as long as doing a sink full of dishes.  so remember to pay attention, he is likely helping, just not around the house so much.

and DO see about getting someone to come to your house twice a month or so.  that is a small price to pay compared to the misery and fighting over cleaning chores and duties.

Answer 7

If you find out, please let me know.  I have been wondering that same exact thing for 11 years.  I have tried everything imaginable from pleading to withholding and nothing works.  Good luck.