How can I get my husband to think about adoption? We can't seem to have one of our own.?

Question

I mention it and he just changes the subject. He want a baby to but I am not sure it he has to have his own and not adopted one. I want one bad either way and would almost divorce to get one. Help me. :(

Answer 1

That's tough, my husband and I went through the same thing.  I would cry and tell him that I needed to know that one day I would be a mother, whether biologically or through adoption.  He would just change the subject.  Then I met a wonderful boy in foster care and began talking about him all the time.  Wonder of wonders, when I told my husband that this boy and his brothers were going up for adoption, he said we should go for it.  Well they were adopted by their foster parents, but because of that little boy, we are now foster parents who hope to adopt some of our foster children!  

You both need to be on board for this to work, but he may think differently about this one day.  I hope that everything works out for you.  My husband definatly realized that he could love a child that was not biologically his every bit as much as one that was.

Answer 2

Get him infront of your computer and ask him to read your question if that doesnt make him face facts then it looks like divorce is on the cards remember you only live once you cant afford to let anyone stop your hopes, dreams and ambitions,

regards mick

Answer 3

Give him some time. Maybe once he sees how badly you want a child, he will change his mind. Try finding some families with adopted children so he can see and talk about what it is like. There are many, many children out their waiting to be adopted, and there will always be. Dont rush him, he will come around. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

if on says no and the other says yes then its a no go question, but please dont divorce and adopt cause that kids been through enough and to take it out of a broken home to be put back in another one would be wrong. perhaps hes not really ready to have kids.

Answer 5

He may not be ready for that  just yet. Have you tried going to the doctor to see if you really are infertile or are you just unlucky so far? My husband & I tried to have a baby for 5 years before we got pregnant, some couples have waited even longer.

Either way this isn't something you should just rush into without his complete agreement.

Answer 6

ok no daddy no baby so dont go for divorce. You have got to be patient. If you are meant to have a child it will happen either naturally or by adoption. It just means its not time yet. Give him plenty of time to see a baby isnt coming naturally and get tested to find out there are no other options to get pregnant if that is what he wants.  Then if you find out you for sure can never get pregnant then check into adoption. Adoption is a lengthy and very expensive process and it scares alot of people. You have to be prepared for it and be a special kind of person. If he isnt ok with it then dont push him.

Answer 7

Adoption is a HUGE step for both of you.  In our situation, it was actually somewhat different.  My husband was ready to adopt way before I was able to even think about it.  His reasons were that he knew we wanted a family and couldn't stand what the infertility treatments were doing to me mentally & physically.  I wasn't ready to give up not being pregnant.  Everyone has their own reasons to be hesitant on adoption.  

What I suggest is sitting down and talking to him about your thoughts and feelings.  Perhaps approaching the subject from "how do you feel about adoption?".  If you know anyone who has adopted, it might be helpful to have them talk to both of you also.  

Good luck to you.  Infertility is a difficult thing for all couples.  Just remember the reasons you want to do this - to give a child a loving family.  Don't let it break you apart.

Answer 8

Even men who have their own babies are often slow to be sure how they feel about it (often not until they have that child in their arms for the first time).

If he really dosent want to adopt then you have to consider if leaving him is really what you want, but if he`s just not commiting to starting the process, then maybe challenge him on what would his life look like as an old man with out kids in his life?

Otherwise wait till hes approaching 40 - alot of men seem to IMO get more  'clucky' from their mid 30s (till they have their midlife crisis in early 40s lol) .

Answer 9

I had a problem with recurrent miscarriages and thought that I would not be able to carry a baby to term.

My husband didn`t want to hear about adoption at all. In his culture "blood" is considered important and child adoptions are very rare.

When I turned the conversation around to the life a child would have if he or she lived in an orphanage he started to think about adoption less negatively.

I was eventually able to have a biological child so the conversation didn`t progress any further......

Answer 10

take your time and go to the doctor,.  It is hard for a man to adopt all men want children of their own.  I would try other avenues like counseling do not think about divorce their are so many other things.

Answer 11

When you mention it, is it in the form of stating your side, or have you asked him what his thoughts and feelings on the subject are?  If you're ready to divorce over this, that's a BIG red flag that there are other issues in your marriage that need to be addressed LONG before either of you is ready to even consider adoption.

Answer 12

Whoa.....slow down!  BOTH of you have to want a child equally, or it is NO DEAL!  It is totally unfair, inappropriate and risky to try and convince him to want children in the same way you want them!!  Unfair to any child!!

And you are not sure about how he feels, but he changes the subject when you bring it up?  Well, I'M SURE how he feels and I don't even know your husband!

Did you people not talk about children before you decided to marry?

If you are considering divorcing, and you don't know how he feels about children, then you must not have a solid relationship --  therefore, you should not adopt (or get pregnant).

Whose best interest should be first here?  The child -- the child -- the child.

Sorry.....not what you wanted to hear, but what you needed to hear.

P.S.   ADOPTING IS HAVING A CHILD OF YOUR OWN!!!!!!

Answer 13

First, gather the info on how many orphans are available for adoption. Then present your case to him. BUT, you should know that adopting a newborn in the US is very difficult and can run into a LOT of money and time. Our friends had to pay for all kinds of parenting classes and wait 5 years for a baby.. Adopting from other countries is also very expensive AND as in China, once you get there after having paid the fees and actually have your hands on the baby, they will suddenly decide you have to pay anywhere from $3,000.00 to $30,000.00 more to leave the country with the baby. You also stand a very good chance of finding the baby from another country has all kinds of hidden medical problems, from Aids on down.There are many many older children for adoption in the US. You should consider one of them.

Good luck