How can I get my husband to understand my needs?

Question

Most of the time I give my husband the king treatment you know dinner ready as soon as he comes home and a good full body massage. Of course this doesn't happend all the time only when I see he really needs a break and a time to just relax.....Me on the other hand I get nothing he sees me tired and exhausted with my back aching or something and I get nothing! I ask him for a little rub down on my back and he thinks I want s*x!!! When really all I want is to relax and get some rest too!

Answer 1

stop being miss do it all and do something for yourself. instead of making sure dinner is on the table and a back rub is waiting go out to a spa and get yourself pampered and when he wants to know why his dinner isn't there waiting with a back rub tell him straight up... I need to relax and since you never want to take care of me like I take care of you I took care of myself. then maybe he will understand where you are coming from.

Answer 2

You just have to deal with it in a way that won't frustrate you more. My husband is the same way.  To make matters worse, now he's on crutches cuz da wittle baby got a wittle boo boo.  I have four little kids including an 11 month old to take care of as well.  Now I'm bringing him every meal, running buckets of water to soak his foot in and still dog tired by the end of the day. I probably didn't answer your question, but hopefully  made you feel a little better about your situation.

Answer 3

Be expressive...no one can read your mind.  Talk to him about it and explain to him your needs wants and desires.  He will never know if you don't communicate what you need to him.  Don't be afraid of asking someone you are in a relationship with for some love.  Explain to him that both of you should be receiving the royal treatment.  Maybe you can suggest that you both take turns giving back rubs or cooking that special dinner.

Answer 4

We men prefer to think in concrete terms. This abstract guessing stuff is not our thing. Is good for scifi but not for real life. I think if you want something you have to literaly ask for it. Say, My back hurt and I want a rub. Just like training an animal, repetition repetition repetition. And consistency don't forget consistency. If he doesn't get it then the next time he wants a rub then you can say to him. "Sure honey, I'll give you the same type of rub that you gave me the other day" He'll get it  

Answer 5

Have you specificially told him what you want from him in order to feel relaxed?  Maybe he thinks that s*x will help calm you down just like it does for him.  You give him a good dinner and a massage, but let's say these things only partially calm him down and he would really like you to hold his hand while he watches sports.  Maybe you're not doing everything that calms him down, but you are doing what YOU think will make him feel better. He might be doing the exact same thing--giving you things that he THINKS will calm you down.  

Answer 6

one would communication; tell him how you feel, but in a nice way start of by saying i and not by nagging at him, or say things like i do this for you and  you he don't do anything... just sit down with him and tell him that you want both of you to relax and that it is nice when he massages you when your tired and so on... hope this helps

Answer 7

Lost cause.

Answer 8

Maybe I'm the wrong guy to answer (twice divorced...haha..)  I encouraged my ex to get pedicures and massages often, since I am not good at giving either.  

Answer 9

Next time you give him the "king" tx, just tell him what you're telling everybody here and that he should reciprocate once in a while.  

Answer 10

Ha!

Wait till you have kids-which OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T if you have time to give him full body massages when he comes home from work!  That's when the fun REALLY Starts!

Answer 11

I will try harder to be a little more supportive of you...im such a heel.  

Answer 12

Men are absolute idiots pretty much! And I'm married to one!!! They have absolutely not perception for things like that. My husband is working voluntary overtime right now so I'm missing the concert I wanted to go to for one of my fav artists. He doesn't care. So I totally understand your situation and I would like an answer to this question too!!!

Answer 13

easy.take his xbox from him and hide it

Answer 14

That's a man for ya! Dress up in something s**y and tell him that if he massages you for 20 min. then he'll get what he wants :) All about compromising.

Answer 15

Why not try asking him clearly and straight out what you would like from him. He is not a mind reader.  

Answer 16

Well if are feeling like you need a little TLC, draw yourself a bubble bath, and let him do his own cooking.  No sense in putting it out for him if you get none in return.  I give the lady friend a foot rub if she needs it or not, but to tell you the truth I do have to request she walk on my back once in awhile.  So I guess we both do things that are not done in return.  So speak up the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so they say.

Answer 17

Say to him. "I want to relax. I do not want s*x. My back hurts. I am tired. I would like it if you cooked dinner tonight or we can order out." You can even bring up all the good things you do for him in order to evoke an emotional reaction. Of course, rubbing your back will likely turn him on, but then you can simply refuse him and tell him that while you are flattered by his affections you really are tired. Spell it out. Of course, if the back rub is problematic for the two of you, take a bath or take some medications. Obviously though, s*x will help you relax.

When you want s*x too, you need to spell it out! When you want anything from a man or anyone else really, spell it out! Men are not mind readers and while you may enjoy giving him the 'king  treatment' most normal people do not treat their partners like this. Most people need to communicate with their partners more openly.  

Answer 18

if you don't flat out tell him he is doing something wrong, he will always think he is doing things right. you have to TELL him what you need, men are like that, he probably has no idea he isn't meeting your needs.

Answer 19

Men are raised to be selfish. Their moms treat them like kings and so they exspect their wives too.

Tell him for every back rub you give him that you get one too. My husband is always asking for  a back rub too and how i put a end to it is this. I like my hair played with. I'll rub your back, if you play with my hair and for the same amount of time. He'll either do it or not. But he wont get it first.

My husband thinks that things like cooking, cleaning, child raising is all "women's work" beside having a full time job (and i support my family, not him) i have to do all those things too. To put a end to that. I went on strike. Nothing got done. when he had no underwear and he had to do it himself. He figured that he wasnt the "king" but an equal. Now he had a certain jobs he does. and i have certain ones i do. and then we have one we share.

You need to train them like they are 6 years old again, because their mommy treated them like that for the past 30 years and it's they only thig they are used too.

My next husband is gonna be an orphan