How can I get my husband to understand that I don't want s*x when he's been drinking?

Question

Alcohol has always been a sore spot in our marriage, but I'm NOT using s*x as a bargaining chip. I don't mind if he has a couple of drinks a night, but it IS a problem because he drinks 1/2 a bottle of vodka or moonshine (yes, moonshine) in a night. He slurs his words, is a lot more rude than he is when he's sober and really clingy among other really annoying things, like grabbing my b***s or butt trying to "get me in the mood". He also totally reeks of whatever he was drinking that night. I feel really bad because I love having s*x with him, and when he's not drunk I LOVE it, but having him wasted during s*x makes me feel - well, awful. When I refuse him because of it, I feel bad too. He gets frustrated and a little upset when I refuse. I've tried gently letting him know that seeing him drunk turns me off, but he just rolls his eyes. He knows I don't find it s**y at all, but he still does it. I'm tired of it. I want s*x, but not floppy drunk man s*x. How can I finally get it through his head??

Answer 1

there is no arguing with anyone who is drunk. they will not listen to you. your bloke needs to sort himself out quickly or your marriage will suffer big time.

Answer 2

HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC! Omg, half the bottle? My dad is just like that. He gets so clingy to my mom. "Do you know I love You? Do you know your my favorite wife?" (he has had 1 wife before) ugh. And calls me the B word.. I am 21... Seriously? My dad is a stupid alcoholic. You need to tell your husband he is an alcoholic and get him help. That sucks! I hate my dad when he is drunk. So I feel your pain, (In a way) my husband barely drinks. I drink more. Which I try really hard not to. BUT I Think you need to get him help. That is soo much booze and it hurts the relationship. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

get him on video and then when he sobers up you can show him how unappealing he appears to you.  You shouldn't feel bad about telling him no if you having s*x with him in that condition is making you feel bad about yourself!  

Answer 4

Making love/s*x when one partner is super-drunk is definitely a turn-off!!

Since hinting to him is not working idea.. why don't you try an alternative way.

Perhaps you could dress up in really s**y lingerie (when he least expects it and not drunk) and turn him on. Casually mention to him that you love having s*x with him and praise his ego. While you're teasing him, tell him that him drunk s*x is a turn-off for you and that "this" (not being drunk) is way much better. His mind would be alert during this moment and hopefully, will sunk in. This is somewhat like a reinforcement for "good-behaviour/performance".

Alternatively, ask him to use a spare bed when he's that drunk. It shows you don't want to either sleep or have s*x with him.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

The issue here is not about not wanting s*x with your husband when he's drunk.  It's about him getting drunk period!  You pretty much spelled that out in your opening sentence.

Alcohol has destroyed many marriages.  Wives have ended up being beaten up and emotionally scarred for life.  Children have been emotionally scarred for life.

You need to sit down with your husband when he's quite sober and explain to him in no uncertain terms that he has a serious drinking problem.  What you are experiencing with the inappropriate behavior during his drunken binges is only a symptom.  Things will continue to get worse.

You want to be in a full time marriage and you should not be content settling for less.  You need to explain to him that he is going to have to make a choice.  It's either you or his moonshine.  There is no in between on this.  Give me one good reason how there is any contentment being married to a drunk?

I'm sure you love your husband but unless you put your foot down and play hard ball you are enabling him to become more disabled.

Explain that until things change you will no longer be making love to a drunk so he may as well forget making it with you when he's been drinking.

Explain that you want a full-time loving husband and that marriage does not mean sharing one's life with a part-time drunk.

Explain that you will walk along side him and support him but unless he's willing to make the necessary changes you and he will have to spend some time apart.

If you don't do this then you will continue to make excuses for him.  Good luck.

Answer 6

try talking to him seriously when he is sobber and happy. another way of discipling him is to just let him have s*x drunk but dont even move your hair to show any feelings. make it as worse as possible.make sure she does not ***. then make it more pleasurable as possible when he is sobber. gud luck