How can I get my mom to understand this is SERIOUS?

Question

So I've needed some type of counseling for depression for over a year now & social anxiety (but I've needed that all my life)...somehow she never took me. It's almost like she doesn't think it's very important. And since it's gotten MUCH worse since then, she agreed to talk to someone about this home schooling program where a tutor comes to your house every day, instead of going to school. It's been a month and she hasn't done anything..now school starts September 3rd and I don't know what's going to happen. I can't go to public school because the risk of having a panic attack or something is too high...what can I do to remind her I'm her daughter and she needs to realize this is important?!

Answer 1

Not to 1up you, but if you are really in need of counseling, this would also mean you have no friends and no romance in life.

I'm 26 and have never been on a date, and people barely take me seriously.

I know a lot of people who are married, but who claim social anxiety. They do this out of the slightest discomfort, but a wedding is one of the biggest nerve-wracking occasions there is!

My point is that there will be signs in your life, if the anxiety is life-interfering.

(Wow... I give my credentials as a person well-affected by social anxiety myself, and no one believes my first-hand experience. I guess people will hear what they want to hear.)

Answer 2

Oh, a lot of people are like that. I think its not that she doesnt CARE about you its that she probably just doesnt want to think that there is anything wrong, like denial.

My advice would be, dont be casual about it! Be really serious and sit her down and tell her what is wrong and that you really need her to help you :/

if she really wont help after that, call your school and meet with your counsellor beforehand and tell her/him whats wrong and they will help you!

good luck

Answer 3

Ahh, don't get home-schooled. You need friends constantly, and if you're alone, it might get worse. You can try talking to her, repeating that you need help until it hammered into her head. Or, you could try acting depressed and show her when you have panic attacks, so it interferes with her life more (yes, it's a little manipulative, but if she isn't believing you, what else can you do?). Most likely, she doesn't believe you. You need to SHOW her. You also need to find ways to calm yourself down, like music or breathing evenly, distracting yourself...

Also, you can have your mom put that you have panic attacks on your medical card, and if you want she can alert your new teachers, so if you have one, you can just tell the teacher you need to go to the nurse, and they'll believe you.

Answer 4

Besides telling her personally, I don't know what else you can do but get someone else to tell her FOR you.

Maybe someone you think your mother would trust. Like a teacher, or any other responsible adult you know. If she sees that other people believe you have a problem too, she might reconsider and really do something.

Another way is to somehow get someone to show her what you put here (your question) as proof of how serious you really think your "depression" is. It'll show her more of how important this is to you.

(Note: Don't show her this question yourself. It makes it more like you're sulking to her rather than pitiful.)

Make sure she knows that you "need" counseling and not just "want" it.

But don't you have a counselor in school? If so, than speaking to him/her about it would be  wise.

I don't think home schooling would help you with your problem. What you will be doing is "avoiding" your issue.

Not good.

Answer 5

Show her what you wrote, tell her Mom I really want someones help.  This is important to me and it should be important to you.  Im guessing that shes just avoiding the subject because no one wants to see their daughter go through this, and shes probably in a denial stage.  Just try your hardest to convince her.  Depression and anxiety are nothing to be ashamed about and its awesome that your looking for help.  Tell her that.  Good luck sweetie!!

Answer 6

please please don't get home schooled.

you will turn out retarded.

go to school and skip lunch time and go to the counciller.

read books, ignore everyone.

Answer 7

omg i hope you feel better :]

whatever you do dont hurt yourself [if u no what i mean]

email me sometime im your age and we'll talk

?

Answer 8

honey, if she cant see the signs already, the very serious, obvious and evident signs that you need counseling, she is either dumb, or in MAJOR DENIAL! No offense or disrespect. Thats not right that she is ignoring you and pretending like that you are fine. I have depression and suffer from social disorders, too, but unlike your mom, my mom made me go to counseling. I didnt realize how bad my problem was untill I went. I think you two should go to a therapist together. Not ncessarily a shrink, but a therapist, just someone you can talk to. We dont want to get you on drugs if we can keep from it. You and your mom need to talk with a professional together, find the causes of this anxiety and maybe find some strategies, excericeses ect to help ease the stress.  

Answer 9

I have been their.... Speak to your doctor. See if they might call and speak to mom... Its seems stressful and everything is bad but alot comes from self control of yourself. trying to make yourself think a certain way... Paxil is good medication. It helped me tremendously..Put it to mom that chemicals in your brain are not functioning  like Serotonin... Fright or flight and it is a struggle and mom you need to give me support not be someone that seems like a obstacle. I wish you all the best...  

Answer 10

What you need is help for the depression and the social anxiety. You don't necessarioly need your MOM to get it for you.

First day of school, go to the school nurse or your school counselor and tell her the problem. Say you're afraid of a panic attack or freakout,  that you can't manage to go to class. She will take you seriously.

She will probably want to contact your mother first. That's procedure, so let her do it. But she will follow through on making sure you get some care.

Other things you can do:

Call your local hospital and ask if they know a phone number for a crisis line for mental health help. Tell them you're 14, etc.

Call your doctor for a referral and explain the problem with your mother.

Believe me, once a health professional knows someone's asking for this kind of help, they will help you get it.

Answer 11

Do you feel like you are a danger to yourself or others? If so, go to your local ER and tell them. They will be legally required to commit you for a 72 hour psychiatric hold, and that may be just the wake up call your mom needs.

I am sorry that your mom is not taking your illness seriously.

Answer 12

well i had a very simular thing. my mother didnt want to take me to the doctor when i insisted i needed help from having so much stress causing panic and anxiety attacks. she was to afraid because she didn't want them to put me on any pills for it. finally i told her how serious it was and after telling her for weeks everday she still wasn't convinced. i had teachers at school worried because i was so depressed and not able to give full particapation in class. so i started talking to the guidance conclier and a teacher at school and they said if my mother wouldnt take me to talk to sumone to get help they would talk to her for me and insist if this is what i think will help she should because they didnt want to see me like that. i told my mom i talked to them but i needed sumone else to talk to. so finally she agreed and took me to the doctor. if you are able to look up programs to go to you should, i know P.a. has P.A. cyber and ohio has boss (buckeye online school of sucess) because i do my work through that and am able to go to a public school. so i would be looking up options and showing them to your mom. she probably is just hiding her head in the sand not wanting her daughter to have any problems and hoping you will be fine. lol idk if that will help any, but i hope:p ohh and p.s. i used to be on a gymnastics team, and go to a performing arts school for musical theater;) just saw u said u did that stuff!

Answer 13

Hi, don't listen to these people telling you how you should be or whatever. When I was in school, I had a very hard time also, and I do have social anxiety and depression. I think that you should really sit down with your mom, and tell her that you are serious and you need help and talking to someone would be what is best for you, and I think that as her daughter she should understand and be willing to let you speak to someone. Hope it helps :)

Answer 14

When I told my mom I was depressed at first she was pissed, then thought I was kidding.  You have to drill it into her head and give her proof until she can't deny it and has to get you help.  You should really start now since school starts in less than two weeks.

Answer 15

Have a talk with her, and tell her everything you just told us, and more.

She must be taking it somewhat seriously to get a tutor for you.

Maybe you could tell her that you appreciate her getting you a tutor, but you don't want to live with this forever, and that you'd like to get counseling.

Answer 16

I'm so terribly sorry! I feel horrible and I have gone through such a similar situation. When I was in first grade I was diagnosed with OCD, so I KNOW what depression is. I would cry my eyes out and hyperventilate every night. Panic attacks were more common then they should be. And it upsetted me greatly. Since OCD is a chronic illness, I'm always going to have it. But I've gotten treatment and am now so much better. Because of my OCD, I used to be shy, reserved, nervous, quiet, and unhappy a LOT of the time. Now...well...I'm outgoing, exuberant, carefree, loud, and smiling practically 24/7!

Your mom definitely needs to understand what you're going through. If not, it could get worse as time goes by. I currently take Zoloft and it has helped me so much. You do have time; please know that. If school starts on September 3rd, you have plenty of time to convince your mom that you need help.

You need to sit down with your mother in a quiet room without ANY distractions. If it helps, you could lock the door, close the windows, etc. Whatever helps. You need to flat out TELL HER what is wrong. And she will definitely understand if you tell her how much you're suffering. I mean, you would never say something serious about yourself that your mom would think is insignificant, right? Anyway, because of my OCD, I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist who have helped my OCD so much it's indescribable. Maybe you could consider special people to talk to and always be there for you. Also note that your mother should be one of those people. So, seeing a therapist or psychiatrist would be a huge plus in helping you restore yourself.

If your social anxiety is so bad that you need to go to the point of a tutor, then you should definitely consider some experts. Between your mother (when you talk to her heart-to-heart), and some special experts majoring in mental health, you will definitely be okay. But act quickly! You have time, but getting as close to perfectly on track took me quite a long time. Don't expect to be a new person overnight. If tutoring is what is certainly needed, then you should definitely accept it. But if the disorder is something that you can overcome, then I would go to a public school and when help comes it will be much easier.

Tell yourself that this little...eh..."twist", we'll say, in you, makes you who you are. Just like my OCD labels me, my OCD is also something I've learned to become proud of because it makes me...well...me! And your anxiety and depression? Well, all you have to do is look in the mirror and say, "Hey. Who's the one with social anxiety? Who's the one who needs help but will be able to overcome it? It's me. And I'm proud."

Answer 17

Most people can overcome their social anxiety; but it takes a lot of courage and work. It requires that you confront your fears directly, and it doesn't seem that home schooling would help you overcome that kind of anxiety. It would just increase your inability to confront your anxiety. Is there not a therapist or some professional that can treat your problem directly.

  It sounds like your mom may be in denial or sticking her head in the sand. Go out on your own and seek help yourself if your mom won't.

Answer 18

well i read up on what is social anxiety and i feel if your mother has and she as well has done nothing i would think that she is depressed herself. for a very long time when i was growing up i would say the same thing to my mother not the social anxiety part but the depression part. my mother too did not take it seriously i had suicidal thoughts all the time and was very depressed in school i didn't know it when i was going to school but as i got older i realized she was suffering from depression she past away. my relative and i think she died of being depressed don't let this happen to you or go through life like me. i would telling your mom again tell her your really scared yell at her if you have to. i know that sounds wrong but if there is know one else that will help you in your family no friend that will stand up for you. then drastic times calls for drastic measures. it's harsh i know but i'd hate for someone to go through what i went through. so please tell anyone that will listen that was my mistake not telling enough people. good luck!