How can I get my wife to stop farting?

Question

At first it was kind of funny...but now it's an everyday thing.Just now she walked into the room,lifted one leg high in the air and had a scowling expression on her face....then let loose another loud f**t.She obviously thinks it's hilarious,I don't!

Answer 1

Just try and let her know(nicely) that you dont find it funny anymore, an that your not trying to be rude because you love her very much but that your just into that type of thing.

...hope this helps, your kinda in a pickle.

Answer 2

Tell her straight out that it was kinda funny to start with but now she should really grow up and act normal. I would imagine that if you are no longer laughing she should get the hint pretty quick. But just be honest. Tell her it is un lady like and you would like your wife back.  Good luck.  :)

Answer 3

Tell her "****** stop farting and start acting like a woman"

Answer 4

Get her checked with Celiac disease.  I had this same problem...at work where I couldn't stop farting for about a month.  I had yeast and took Candisol that was prescribed to me by an accupuncturist / naturopath chinese doctor.  What it is is, I cannot eat foods with gluten:  wheat, rye, oat breads, soy sauce, beer, and cows milk.  If I ate anything with gluten the little virili that grab nutrients in my body immediately stopped grabbing the nutrients from the foods.  (Imagine the open hands grabbing and when you eat gluten, the hands become fists so anything going through will not be held on to therefore causing foods to go right through your body and cause gas.)  

I also had yeast after taking Promise Activ Supershots (warning) which contains tons of Splenda.  I bet you didn't know that....this fake sugar is so bad and causes an increase in yeast.  Promise Active Supershots should have a warning about their claims of eliminating cholesterol with "natural" plant sterols because their Splenda caused me to have an increase in yeast (which loves sugar) and eating gluten bread is the culprit.  So ask her to stop eating these things that may be horrible to her body.  Remember, gluten, refined and fake sugars, and cows milk.  Say no to Promise Activ or else you all will be farting non stop!

Answer 5

She's very comfortable around you.  Maybe she's under stress because of some unknown reason or maybe it's because she's been feeling that you've been ignoring her.  Wouldn't she listen to you if you told her politely to stop it?? When she does that, does it look like she's enjoying harassing you? If so, follow Kim's advice.  t*t for tat, methane for methane.

Answer 6

Thats Funny.  Stick a cork is her butt I guess

Answer 7

tell her to quit acting so low class i have a best friend that does this and belches loudly too and it grosses me out.  

Answer 8

Tell her how you feel about it, and buy her some beanO!

Answer 9

She obviously learned to talk through her intestines.. instead of through her mouth.. Maybe they have a meaning.. and she is actually speaking to you....  Maybe you never listened to actual words.. now this rather crude way.. of ''talking back to you with a noise'' at least gets her your attention albeit.. not a pleasant one.. I would suggest that you talk more often to your wife.. and tell her that you respected her a lot more before she did that.. that you would prefer to have a proper conversation with her.. and that doing this kind of thing is something you would maybe find funny in a 5 year old.. but not in a wife.. I don't find it hilarious either.. she must crave attention.. and does it for that reason.. obviously.. unpleasant attention to her is better than no attention from you at all.. maybe if you show her more attention she will stop this strange behaviour .. if you respect her she may respect you as well and behave more like a woman her age should.. I wouldn't find it funny either.. it's a lame joke after having seen it once.. maybe it's funny the first time.. but if you get told the same joke over and over again or something does something unusual once it may be funny but if they do it every time.. it really loses it's attraction and merely becomes and embarrasment...A woman who is old enough to be a wife should have some self pride.. this is something a teenager might do and find funny.. it's not feminine and it would turn most men off... Things like that can happen when a person has to sneeze..then they are usually embarrassed and apologize..it's human but one doesn't do that on purpose.. if she won't stop.. buy her a T-shirt in different colours all of which have a picture of her on it.. and with the wording..." I don't break hearts I only break wind'' then make her go and meet her best friends like that and go to work dressed like that and she will soon stop.. xx

Answer 10

Hate to say it bud but you should be greatful that she feels that comfortable around you!  Don't tell me that when you get gas you just hold it.  IDIOT!

Answer 11

just tell her that you think she is being kind of rude and imature and that she should be more discreet.  U cant actually STOP her from farting - she shouldnt have to appologise for havinga digestive tract, just like you.  Maybe introduce more fibre into your diets?...

Answer 12

Tell her to put a cork in it...lol...seriously tell her it bothers you

Answer 13

Hmm.... interesting question! With various answers...

1 - Try feeding her less (um) explosive foods eg. stay away from those baked beans and brussel sprouts!!

2 - Tell her it's unacceptable etiquette and that people don't appreciate it... she might be hurt at first, but make her see that it's the right thing to do and she will understand (hopefully!).

3 - If there is no solution to the direct problem (the farting)... ask her to do it more discreetly, possibly leave the room, and them re-enter it when the dirty work is over!

Happy to help!

Answer 14

Slip her some Beano. Take Beano and they'll "be no" gas.

If that doesn't work, stink her out a few times with some really stinky farts of your own. She'll take the hint then. I find that eating cauliflower creats the stinkiest farts personally.

Answer 15

you should see my family -_-

Answer 16

ROFL...wow....I've never seen a girl who likes to f**t all the time...are u sure u married a woman? Lol. Tell her its not funny anymore.  

Answer 17

talk to her about it.

Answer 18

OMG.  How long have you been married?  You really need to have a word with her.  

Answer 19

Paybacks are h**l, but a surefire way to correct behavior. Consider bean burritos with lots of hot sauce from Taco Bell for lunch for awhile. Also, pickled eggs and tequila are good in the evening. If you're brave, throw in a couple of those fat pickled bar sausages and a six pack of any cheap beer. You are probably stronger than her, if not, take her by surprise. After ripping a good one while in bed, trap her head under the covers, but not for too long, these are highly toxic vapors, and if there are lighted candles in the room, be sure and extinguish them first.

Answer 20

tell her to go do that in the bathroom lol

Answer 21

Tell her that it turns you off and there  will be nothing happening in bed tonight!

Answer 22

i love when beautiful women f**t.[especially my wife]

Answer 23

My husband does it and I dont think its very funny. I realize everyone has too but you should be polite about it and go to bathroom or something. I am glad he is so comfortable around me that he feels he can do that...but I am pregnant right now and it turns my stomach inside out. I have asked him time and time again to not do it but it hasnt worked. I would say try talking to her but if she is anything like my husband it may not work. I dont know what else to do but it is driving me up the wall.

Answer 24

thats gross. tell her thats embarrasing and u find that disgusting.  

Answer 25

how old is she????  

Answer 26

Tell her the next time she wants to f**t you are going to stick a big needle in her and let all the air out.

Answer 27

she cant f**t if she dead, just saying

Answer 28

Are you telling me you don't f**t?  

Answer 29

You can't!  It's a natural body function.

If it were your guy friends you would think it was funny, right?

You need to tell her that it's not funny anymore when she does that because the smell/odor is unpleasant.