How can I get out of standing up in my sister in law's wedding?

Question

My sister in law recently announced that she's getting married, and didn't ask, but informed me that my husband, myself and my two small daughters were all standing up in her wedding. She then goes on to talk about this ridiculous over the top wedding, and these what sound to be very expensive dresses that I am going to have to buy for me and my kids. All I can think about is what this wedding is going to cost US. My husband and I are going through tough times financially right now. He works full time (not making very much) and goes to school part time. I just finished school myself and am just starting my career as a hairdresser, so I don't make very much either. We have two kids, rent, and alot of bills we're working to pay off. There's just no way we can afford to stand up in her wedding. Not only that, we don't even want to. My husband and I just recently started talking to her again after a falling out because she runs her mouth about us and causes too much drama. We have always been good to her, and I just feel like she takes advantage of us. We're good to her son, we buy him birthday gifts, Christmas gifts etc... She shows up for our kid's parties empty handed... Or doesn't come at all. We were unable to attend her son's last birthday because my husband had to work, and my smallest was sick. She stopped talking to us over it.

When we got married a 2 years ago, she came to our wedding giftless. She didn't even bring a card! We know we shouldn't expect anything, but we didn't have a wedding party so she didn't have to buy any ridiculous dress, or shoes,or get her hair done. It cost her nothing to be there.... And now she's getting married, it's going to to cost us a fortune just to be in attendance. It isn't fair, or even right. We would much rather just be there for her as regular guests.... even give a gift! What can we do?! I'm so afraid this is going to cause us a great deal of drama, and yet a part of us both doesn't even care...

Any advice? Please?

Answer 1

Well, she should have ASKED you, not INFORMED you that she would like you to stand up in her wedding.  Since she didn't, the first thing you need to do is talk with your husband and decide if you are going to or not.  If you decide that you want to stand up with her, then talk with her and without going into too much detail about your current financial situation, explain to her that you simply cannot afford to purchase the dresses that she has picked out.  I had a similar issue when my sister was getting married, and I basically told her that I would get a dress in the right color, but that since I was having to purchase the dress myself, I would get whatever I could, and I bought a dress on Ebay for $40.  If she doesn't agree with that, then let her no that if she is insistent on those specific items, she will need to pay for them out of her wedding budget.  Be as nice and tactful as you can, but hold your ground.  It isn't right of her to make demands on you that are unrealistic.

Answer 2

Talk to her and explain the situation.She will either be understanding or she won't.

Answer 3

she was supposed to invite you not command you.

All you need to do is tell her that you can't afford to buy the clothes and must decline even though you would be thrilled to be a part of their ceremony