How can I get out of this life of h**l?

Question

My life has been nothing but failure in my eyes, and mostly everything doesn't go right. I've been in two out of district school placements since the 2002-2003 school year (my 7th grade year), was allowed to take some classes half of my freshman year and all of my sophomore year at my public high school and the rest of my subjects at a special school. Now all of a sudden I'm thrown into a worse special school than the previous one. This school is so small, we don't switch classes, and there's only about 10 kids in my class, but about a quarter of them rarely come. School rules say that you're not allowed to keep in contact or see your classmates outside of school, so really I have no friends except for my girl friend who is back in Pennsylvania (I live in crappy New Jersey). I keep trying to tell my parents that this isn't the right school for me, and that they should fight to get me out if they want to see me succeed in the future (which is quickly fading). My parents say, "Oh if you want to get out you have to prove to them that you can handle this school" stating that like I'll change in an instant when it's NOT an overnight process. I feel very down, isolated, and even unsafe in this school, and my only mode of defense is to just walk out of class and sleep in the hall to get through the day quickly. I'll be honest too, I'm kind of jealous of my girl friend, since she's a senior, has friends outside of school that live near her, and just seems to have a better life than me. I've been thinking about dropping out and/or running away. I feel that my future has already been ruined since I'm not in a school that's going to help prepare me for college, and it's not a school where I feel comfortable in. I have no idea where to go. I know you're going to throw the following suggestions at me, so let me list them and my reply...

Join a youth group and find friends there: tried it, people seemed very snotty, clickish, and unwelcoming

Find a club to join: my school doesn't do clubs

Transfer schools: I can't, the state of New Jersey (if you even want to call it a "state") says that you MUST go to the school your parents pay taxes for. My district is paying for my private out-of-district service

Someone please tell me how I can find new friends and how the h**l I can get out of this S****y school!!!

Answer 1

I would like to know where you are going to school?  You don't mention if you have learning or behavior issues? It sounds like you are in denial of your problems. If you want things to get better take a good honest look at yourself. Do not judge yourself  just be open to the fact that others see something in you that you don't right now.Try to learn as much as you can about whats going with yourself.Ask questions of yourself and others. I would like to get you going in the right direction but need to know more about the district and why you are there. What does your IEP say?

Answer 2

It's extremely difficult when you feel your life is a failure. I've been there and I understand how you feel. It's particularly frustrating when you feel stuck and powerless.

Having said that, I don't think anyone can offer you an easy solution. Obviously there have been choices in your life that didn't pan out the way you hoped they would, and your current situation is not ideal. You say you have talked to your parents. I would suggest talking to them again and ask them to put a time limit on things. For example, if you can do well at your current school for one month, will they consider moving you somewhere else?

I know this might not be the advice you want to hear, but I would also STRONGLY recommend seeking some form of counseling. I remember feeling much like you and refusing to seek help because I thought it was a sign of weakness, and also because there was "nothing wrong with me." I've since realized that needing help is neither a sign of weakness nor an admission that there's something wrong with you; it's a friendly ear, someone professionally trained to offer advice to people in exactly your situation.

As for the friends, groups are really the way to go. I know you didn't like the youth group, but are there others you could try? Do you play sports? Are there clubs in your city outside your school? Look into these things and see what you can find. Good luck!

Answer 3

I can't understand your situation.  Dude: I LIVED your situation!!!  It's scary....like....I'm watching someone LIVE OUT my school history.  Feel free to email me--and I'll lay down the whole story--which is too long to put here!!

I assume you're in some "detention" type school....set up for students who have "behavorial issues".  You share a class w/ future criminal America.  Yup.....I LIVED your life....and you're right: it SUCKED.  Got worse for me, though.  Film at 11, dude: email me.

Running away is dumb--don't even go there.

Life SEEMS ruined now.  Life today passes into history in time.  Your (future)  life then should be far far better than it now is---you just don't see it yet.

Stop kicking your azz by comparing your current situation against your girlfriend's or anyone else "out there".  Feeling prison trapped makes matters worse.  Find a way to chill and get in the zone of that.  Try improving schoolwork too.

I hope you email me.  Hear what I went through--and your life now I guarantee won't sound as sour.

Answer 4

Nice stuff from other people. I agree with them. I went through what you went through. I am a graduate from NJ schools. Yes, I know it all about NJ school systems. What town are you from? I am from South Jersey in Burlington County. I'm actually disabled; my school wouldn't let me go there although it was 5 min away. So I went to a school that's 2 hours away. I went back and forth every day for 3 years. My bus driver was an illiterate Cuban, and we got into accidents nearly everyday. Anyway, that's beside the point. I still struggle with life now, but going to community college/university makes a big difference in terms of achieving goals. I do suggest mental therapy too. I am not saying this as an insult, but it's really a key part in terms of improving your life. Some people can handle life, and some don't. I am one of those people who can't handle life, but still, I try to survive everyday.

Answer 5

Life is long. I was severely disturbed by sexual abuse at your age and it took me years of rage and acting out before I finally found a therapy group and a therapist who helped me understand myself. I also saw a psychiatrist and got some very good meds that helped me a lot. I was undiagnosed bi-polar. I couldn't control my acting out, but with meds and therapy, I finally found my way.

I did try to commit suicide and it didn't work. I am so glad I didn't die because now I am working in a school district with severely disturbed kids and I think I do a lot of good. One thing that I remembered strongly is that no one bothered to ask me why I was acting out. They just punished me. When I finally grew up, I went back to college to be a teacher because I wanted to be the one that asked the question, "What is wrong and how can I help?"

Another thing you need to realize is that your life is worth something and there is a purpose for your existence. Someday you might be in my position of helping kids with the same types of problems. People don't understand how I can work so successfully with these kids, but it is because I have been there.

Consider looking outside of yourself and reach out to help another person. That takes your mind off of worrying so constantly about yourself. There may be a classmate that really needs your help and understanding.

And here is the tough love part. Please take responsibility for the fact that you are in this place. When you blame other people and the system, you lose all of your power. You can't control other people, but when you take responsibility for your actions, you can start to control your behavior.

My advice is to find out what kinds of behavior you need to get out of this school. Leaving class and sleeping in the hall is not something that will turn things around for you. Start to WORK towards getting out. If you do this, you won't need anyone else's help and you can learn to find your own way. From the way you write, I can tell you are intelligent enough to do this.

Looking at yourself isn't easy, which is why counseling helps. You have a past that contributes to your pain and a counselor can help you look at this and resolve some of your emotional stuff.

Please take responsibility and give yourself power. I know your in pain, but you can over come. I am living proof.

Answer 6

You need someone "on your side."  A counselor can be a great source for this. (You probably want someone out of school!)

1. A counselor will be someone to talk to. But more importantly, they'll help you organize your thoughts and arguements so your parents will be better able to hear them.

2. Whether we like it or not, parents usually listen to their child's counselor. The counselor can talk to your parents about your  experiences at the school, educational and emotional needs, and goals.

3. They can be very strong advocates for you in an IEP team meeting. Team meetings determine your academic accomidations and placement. So having a strong advocate there is important, and the Team usually really respects the imput of counselors because they have frequent contact with the student.

4. If you are 14 the counselor can help you decide if you want to attend your IEP meetings to advocate for your needs. You have the right to attend if you are at least 14.

Answer 7

Most of all, don't give up.  Don't run away because that's not going to solve your problems--they'll only get worse.  There are reasons why you ended up in this type of school to begin with---be honest with yourself.

Whatever the reasons for you being there are---are what you have to work on fixing in order to get out of there.  You'll have to prove that you don't belong there anymore, but sleeping in the hall isn't going to get you anywhere.

You'll have to take a stand and make a goal.  If you really want something in life--you'll get it if you're determined.

Good Luck