How can I get over my insecurities?

Question

I’m in the most wonderful relationship ever. He is so loving, understanding, amazing, and is everything a girl wants. The other day, I found pictures of him and his ex, and they really kicked me in the gut. I confronted him and he burned the pictures to prove to me that she’s nothing anymore. I know for a fact that he not only doesn’t love her, he hates her. She basically put him through h**l. Well, the problem is, I keep thinking about those pictures and it bugs me all the time. I think about her more than he does. It has gotten to a point where I cry every night because I can’t forget that she was his first in every way. I feel like I will always be second best. He’s assured me so many times that the way he feels about me is so much more intense and that he sees his life with me, but I can’t get his past out of my mind. It has gotten to a point where I want to end this relationship due to my own insecurities. This is just me doing it to myself and not at all his fault. He has never let me suspect that he’s in love with her and all that. I just want to know, how can I let go of my insecurities? I don’t want to ruin what could be a lifetime of happiness and love over something I can’t change but neither can he. BUT, at the same time I can’t live with this in the back of my mind bugging me every single day. What do I do?

Answer 1

If you keep questioning him, he is going to feel like you don't trust him. Give the guy a little credit, he burned the pictures and he has tried to reassure you that he really does care about you. Try to give him the trust that he sounds like he deserves.

Answer 2

Please do not do this to yourself. You know that this is your own fault, and that is the first step. Do not let your thoughts over take you. This is irrationality taking over when you know the truth with your own eyes.

My boyfriend of eight years was the first man I ever slept with. However, he slept with a girl two times several months before we met. I was bothered by this for some irrational reason, though I never admitted it to him. Finally one day, I said this is enough! I didn't allow it to control me any longer, and decided that it just wasn't worth the effort. He loved me. He was with me. He didn't even talk to her anymore.

If you can't find the strength on your own, I urge you to seek help. Find a councilor to talk to and have them help you work through these problems. Do not let irrationalities take over your thoughts, because they will take over your life and you'll never find the happiness that you deserve.

Answer 3

Here it is blunt and straight, girl.  There is nothing worst than an insecure person.  You have a great guy in your life and you will drive him away by being jealous of someone you know he doesn't love anymore.  Where did you ever get the idea you were second best?  Have you ever tried to reverse your thought pattern and think that he was saving the best for last?  Your problem starts from within yourself.  It has nothing to do with him.  If you don't start with loving who you are, and knowing who you are and feeling confident in what you bring to his life you will never get over it.  Seek a health care professional who can help you work on these issues.  Otherwise, he may get tired of your insecurities one day and do exactly what you fear the most:  walk out the door and never come back.  

Answer 4

Get over it. Have you ever dated someone else? If you have, then you weren’t his first either. Everyone has past relationships, and everyone has to deal with them. It would be hard to find someone who doesn’t have a past relationship. You will have to deal with this no matter who you date. Love your boyfriend for who he is. From what you said he seems like a great boyfriend, you should be happy.

Try to talk about this issue with him and get all your feelings out in the open. Hopefully he will ease your insecurities and you can get over this jealousy. Then you can move forward and start enjoying your relationship.

Answer 5

remember the facts:

YOU LOVE HIM.

HE LOVES ONLY YOU.

so get over it. everytime it comes up, think of these words. push them away. don't let them take over. i hate it that you're doing this to yourself. don't ruin it for yourself. you know how rarely people find the one that loves only them? keep it, treasure it.