How can I get over my mistakes at university?

Question

I'm going onto my 2nd year of university this october. I passed the 1st year despite family problems. Only thing is I can't move forward from my mistakes. I kissed an idiot at a party, slept with my close friend who turned out to be a creep and a trouble maker, I told an idiot that I had a crush on him and he spreaded it, tried to get in with the 'in crowd' but felt empty, drank alcohol and partied too much....all of this was totally out of character of me. Now I am away from university I am actually disgusted with my behaviour. I was escaping my problems that

were really bad through a negative lifestyle.

My good friends have pulled me out of it and I have decided to not hang around with the in crowd at university and I've stopped drinking completely. My friends are proud of me because I have been through a terrible time and I managed to get out of my bad lifestyle quickly. They have all turned their backs on my close friend who I slept with because he took advantage of me when I was emotionally weak.

But why can I get over it all? I feel so stupid and ashamed. Also I feel like the social side to university is just negative and can bring people down

Answer 1

Realize one thing.We are all imperfect.. As such,,are subject to mistakes..The difference between,being stupid and FEELING stupid,,is the realization we made an error in life judgments,,realized them,,and move to correct our lives to the future..Those who are doomed are those who continue in error,,and don't make the changes to correct their life course..YOU have not only REALIZED your mistakes,,you have taken the appropriate actions to exact a new course...Yes,,family issues and problems of a family nature,,can at times be overwhelming,,but the fact you DID pass your 1st year..provides evidence you are a strong and determined person..Now,,you must continue with your education and your course of life,,and now forgive yourself for you naive actions ,,and know they are over,,an your future is yours to start anew!! If we were expected to be perfect in life,,there would be no erasers on pencils.. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life!!  Good Luck !!     SOLOMON

Answer 2

Lots of people do silly things in their first year at uni. Did you stay in halls? maybe this didn't help as you were constantly surrounded by students and you may have felt the need to 'fit in' with them. Don't let a few mistakes bring down your hard work; I know lots of students who have behaved a lot worse than you and have no regrets; you're lucky that you have realised that you made mistakes and now want to buckle down. That doesn't mean that you cannot have fun though, university years are the best of our lives. Just know your limits and don't care what other people think of you :) Surround yourself with people who you care about and trust and s***w everyone else! Good luck :)

Answer 3

We all make mistakes.  It's the University of life and from the University of life you will learn from your mistakes not regret them.  Regret is a wasted emotion.

Answer 4

Sounds like MY first year and pretty much everyone else's, lol.  WHY are you being so hard on yourself?  This is what college is all about!  Learning from your mistakes, knowing that you've acted like an idiot and realizing that it's not what you want to do or be!!  

I obtained three degrees and NOBODY is focusing on what I USED to do!  You CAN turn things around!!

Answer 5

Firstly, well done.  Well done for turning things back around again so quickly, many, many people do not and the pattern of self abuse and self loathing becomes a series of lifelong addictions and negativity.  So seriously, well done.  Well done also for making the decision to stay away from the in crowd.  I usually find the in-crowd in these situations is the crowd often filled with people who have nothing to say but do so very loudly, are shallow and terribly insecure, and I certainly would not want to be part of an in crowd.  

The only way to get over something is to do just that.  You are likely to be the person remembering most the mistakes you have made, most people will not remember.  Or will not care that much.  The key thing is, is not to repeat them, if you do, people may well label you with negtive views, however, if you don't, and it sounds like you will not, people will see this and in a short enough space of time they will simply, if they remember or comment at all, realise that you were going through a bad patch.  

Whilst the family problems were very possibly the root cause of your unhappiness and subsequent out of character behaviour, you may not be aware, but lots, and I do mean lots, of people get to their first year in uni and "go wild", behaving in ways that are totally out of character.  Some, like you, don't really enjoy it and settle down into their old ways, others, continue and often become part of this shallow and insecure in crowd.  

You must allow yourself to get over it, to move on.  Firstly, forgive yourself, EVERYONE makes mistakes, without them, we would not learn, we would not progress.  Be kind to yourself, your friends have.  Allow yourself to move on, you made the mistake, you cannot change the past, only shape the future, so continue on your way by being true to who you are.  Do not look back with shame and guilt, they are negative emotions which serve no purpose.  Those emotions do not come from God.  Look back with forgiveness for yourself, in that, you were unhappy, you tried very common coping mechanisms and did not enjoy them, and found they did not work.  Now you must continue at uni, working hard, staying away from the plastic people, and you will come to forget about it in time.

As for the creep who was your close friend, your other friends have got the right idea, but again, we ALL make mistakes, and by being open and honest, you have not come out of this badly.  You have amazing friends, don't let them down by harking back to the rough time you had and punishing yourself, you have more than had your punishment already.  Make those fantastic friends proud, hold your head high, return to uni, study hard, and take part and do things which genuinely make you happy.  Hang around with people you like, whether they are popular or not.  If no one appeals to you, work your socks off and try and get home and see those wonderful friends of yours as often as you can.  It is only three or four years of your life, and yes, it is there to be enjoyed, but the purpose is learning, and you will only likely get this chance once, you cannot do so with all that negativity.  Move on, its done, cannot undo it, can only make sure you do not do this again.

Answer 6

grow up and stop worrying about what your loser friends think.

Answer 7

University isn't just about learning your subject.  It's about learning to live life.  Everyone makes mistakes during their university years.  The thing is not to regret these mistakes but to learn from them.

If I had a dime for every idiot I kissed at a party at Uni... well, I probably wouldn't be rich, but I could buy myself a really nice pair of shoes!  And so what if you were attracted to someone?  It was rude of him to spread it, but let's face it, he's the @sshole.  Having crushes on people is part of normal human experience.  If you didn't feel those things you wouldn't be normal.  I think that guy has a lot of growing up to do.

It's great that your friends are being so supportive.  That's one of the things we learn in life: we find out who our real friends are.  We make mistakes, we do silly things, we resolve to be more careful in future, and our true friends still love us.  

I think you're being much too hard on yourself.  All the things you did are normal things that most young people do.  There's no need to feel stupid or ashamed.  Look how well you're doing: you had terrible family problems, and you had to deal with three creepy idiots, and you still passed first year.  I think you should congratulate yourself and stop beating yourself up.  

I hope you have a great time in second year and that you manage to find some friends at Uni who aren't creeps and idiots.  I promise you there are some people worth getting to know - you just have to take your time figuring out who they are.

Well done for passing first year.  Hang in there!

Answer 8

Hello,

I understand how you feel and know exactly what you're saying. But don't let this or anything ever get you down.

Every single person in this world has made mistakes, and it is from these mistakes that we learn so many vital lessons. You knew that you weren't the kind of person to do these things, and have only confirmed this by what you did, and this is not a bad thing.

When you go back to university, be your true self and don't feel you have to change, do certain things or be with certain people. I graduated from university last year, so understand exactly what you mean.

University life can be wonderful, but as you said it can also be very negative. But you've come this far, so why not pick yourself up and finish the journey?

Everything will be ok, you'll see...it always is!

Adam D.

Answer 9

everybody did something really stupid at college.

most people did several really stupid things.

You have learned, you know there are some people you shouldn't associate with anymore, you know that some of your friends are really good friends.  

You weren't stupid - you were under stress you couldn't handle, didn't know HOW to handle in a healthy way. that has happened to most people, too.

some social stuff at college is totally OK. some isn't. You know what to look for now, and what  ( and who ) to avoid.

But the fact that you still feel ashamed suggests to me you should talk to a therapist, to get some REAL help on this. Maybe the therapist can also help you with those family problems.

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Please note - you know where to turn now - the friends that helped you through this.   You've learned a lot. I think you should be proud of yourself.

Answer 10

surely a majority of uni students do this, get over it.  

Answer 11

I know what you are talking about. Almost the same thing happened to me.

But here is the deal. It is good to recognize that it was partly because of problems at home, yet YOU are in control. Do not blame anyone. Don't let circumstances around you make you do stuff like this anymore.

2. Move on. You cannot bring that time back. All this guilt is not going to do anything to help you. It is like your own way of punishing you. But you don't have to punish yourself with this. You already paid some consequences to it. Ok, you made a mistake, but you have a right to move on.

3. Learn from it. Maybe it was a good thing it happened this early. Better to realize what is important in life at this early stage of life, than to live trashy lives until old age. College life is really a test and a place where we all learn to grow up, even of our mistakes.

Answer 12

Just By forgetting it and moveing on is the best thing to do.

Once u accept that the past is the past and cannot be changed u can focuse on how much of a better person u are becoming in the present right into the future.