How can I get over the fear of miscarrying again. . . Help please?

Question

I just went through a dramatic miscarriage today. It was horrible. Here's the story:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuTNsXshMbrQ3mD1rIWax13sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080826182334AAtrXlN

I'm trying to stay optimistic. My husband and I really want kids so we want to start trying after I get my first period. How can I get over the fear of miscarrying again? The experience was too painful (emotionally & physically). I would not opt for d&c unless I had to. I am 19 years old and he is 29. Do you think that has something to do about it?

What should I do to decrease my chances of it happening again? We are very healthy. Although, he smokes. But we both don't drink or do drugs. Thanks.

Answer 1

Im sooooo sorry! Go to the Doctor to make sure you are ok and as far as the fear... you just have to know woman miscarry all the time and still have perfectly healthy babies later on.  It happened to 3 woman in my family.  It took my cousin like 7 years but now she has 2 very healthy kids.  My grandma had 3 kids and miscarried her fourth.  My mother was pregnant with twins and lost them.  But my brother was almost miscarried but he was born at 7 months... My mom says i was a perfectly normal pregnancy and born 2 days before my due date.  

I know its hard but have comfort knowing that this may not happen with your next.  

Answer 2

I read your story, and I am sooo sorry.  I just can't even imagine what that is like.  I really wish they had a section on YahooAnswers for people who have had miscarriages, to find each other and help each other through it.  Sometimes these things just happen, and I've read that the main reason is just a bad genetic deformity in the fetus, and your body just naturally knows to get rid of it.  That definitely doesn't make it any better though.  Since you are both young and relatively healthy, you may just have to keep trying.  There really isn't anything you can do to prevent a miscarriage, especially if you're already taking good care of yourself.  You should definitely go to the dr soon to be sure that everything is okay, and then you can ask the doctor when the best time would be to try again.  With the next pregnancy, you might be monitored more closely to be sure the baby is safe.  So go see your dr, and good luck.  Again I am soooo sorry for the loss of your baby, and I hope you get pregnant again soon with a healthy baby that you will get to hold and love.  

Answer 3

I am so sorry.  Your experience sounds like a pretty "normal" miscarriage.  Go to the doctor and get checked out.  Make sure to tell them everything you saw.  It can help them decide what needs to happen next.

As for how to get over your fear. . . . I am sorry and sad to say that it won't be easy, even downright impossible.  The innocence of a first pregnancy, and one that is lost to the cold horrible hands of a miscarriage, ripping that child from our bodies is gone now.  

You now are aware of the precious gift that a pregnancy is and especially one that is healthy.  The next time around, enjoy every second, and take extra special care of yourself, and pray a lot.  Will this guarantee a 40 week pregnancy - nope.  But it will give you peace of mind.

Sorry if this is a downer - but I feel that being honest is better.  I wish I'd had someone with me that understood.  I didn't and went through 9 pregnancies, 10 losses (one twin stillborn) and one sruviving twin miracle that is a sweet five year old in the next room, slumbering away.

You can have another pregnancy, and you will be thrilled for the one that became an angel today, and for the one that you hold in your arms.

Allow yourself time to grieve.  Allow yourself a memorial to your lost one.  (I wrote letters to them, bought a precious moments angel figurine, and place a pacifier on my Christmas tree for each one lost to always remember them at the holidays.)  Different people have different memorials.  Allow yourself this.

I wish you all the very best in your healing.

P.S. It is not your fault!!!!

(If you can get your husband to quit smoking, he will be healthier as well and you will be better prepared.)