How can I get through his birthday?

Question

It is my partner's birthday again tomorrow. He died very suddenly at the end of October 2004. I have been battling with PTSD ever since. I have several traumas to work through.

I am looking for suggestions on how to get through the day. I would like to do something that would help me to connect in some way to him as I have been struggling to do so.

I am finding life really hard to get through each day. I have PTSD, Chronic Grief, Chronic Depression. I am receiving specialist trauma counselling and I am taking antidepressants prescribed by a psychiatrist. I find going out at the moment very difficult to do. I miss him so much and I don't know how I can get through tomorrow without him all over again.

I would be very grateful if anyone has any suggestions to help me.

:-)))

Answer 1

it sounds like u have it very tough

i dont have any suggestions, sorry, but i thought

u should know i think ur goin through a lot

i probably wouldnt even be alive

Answer 2

Just do what you think is best and what you think will help you get through the day-how he would have wanted you to.

He would never have wanted you to be sad so do something that makes you happy-something you enjoy, to celebrate his birthday. this could be anything, for me it would be horseriding. birthdays are meant to be happy and thats what he would have wanted.

good luck and i am so sorry to hear what you have been though. i wish you all the best x

Answer 3

i'm really sorry. you could perhaps spend the day with a close friend or relative, maybe go out for the day :) i'm sure you're partner wouldnt have wanted you to feel this way

Answer 4

I had the same heartbreaking situation to deal with (along time ago) the only way I could deal with his b-day, was to be on my own with his cake and make his wish for him. The saddest thing is that the a*****e doesn't wish for the same thing I did, as if he did then he would be here with me, he left along time ago, but I still hurt. I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

I am so very sorry to read of your distress.  We all of us handle our grief so differently and so the suggestions made to you may not suit your particular need.  So I will say for me I would prefer to celebrate the loss of this wonderful man so I would try to remember all of the odd little quirks and happy times, those little things that made us laugh.  A kind man would not want to leave someone behind to struggle so hard as you are having to and I am sure he would want you to live your life in happier circumstances.  I do not suggest you look at life through rose coloured spectacles.  We all of us have some tough baggage to sort out but you will get through this day and once you have been able to work through your traumas I hope you will be able to feel the warmth of the happier times spent with your loved one.

Good luck for tomorrow and I will send a kind thought in your direction and hope that you are coping. :-)

Answer 6

Everything will pass... He would want you to be strong and happy... Live your life for him live it with pride and happiness.  Take time to be with your friends and loved one.. You if anyone knows that time is oh so pprecious

Answer 7

yes know what you mean my mum used to tell me i was just one in millions when i felt like you do and her words  had always a healing for me may you find peace the peace your boyfriend now lives in  hope this helps.  in my thoughts and prayers,,

Answer 8

How do you think he would want to be remembered? Would he want you to continue to have extreme grief or would he want you to remember the happy times you had together? Do something to honor his memory that is positive. Donate to a charity, volunteer to help others, start a fund in his name. All of these acts of charity will make you feel better.

Next you have to re-connect with life. Do something you've never done before that will put you in contact with others. Exercise helps. Join a gym, take dancing or cooking classes, learn a language, take up skiing or a musical instrument.

Get going. You do not honor his memory by sitting there feeling sorry for yourself.

Answer 9

it's gonna be tough but it'll get easier as time goes by. maybe go to the same place where you had your first date. or somewhere that means really special to both of you

Answer 10

May I ask about your beliefs of afterlife? That could help bring ideas and solutions.

Sometimes it is nice to feel that our loved ones have not just passed away and are gone forever, but they are in fact always with us in spirit and that sometimes we must remind ourselves that no matter what, things will never return to how they are.

I think it would be good if you spent some of your day doing the things that you would do together, and if this feels comforting to you then you could continue to do so, otherwise I would reccommend going out and socialising with some friends. Having a good time with your friends is an essential part of moving on, you still have your life to live, im sure your partner would want you to enjoy life to the end.

Hope I help at least a little, best wishes

p.s. everyone else has lovely ideas

Answer 11

Im so sorry to hear that. Its so sad how life happens. But you need to be positive too. I know its difficult, I lost my Dad 3 years ago to cancer and i still miss him every day.

I think you should have a party to remember him. He would not have wanted you to be sad. And it's bad enough that one life was taken, dont make it 2 by not living yourself. Im not saying forget about him as that will never happen and no one expects you to. But be happy, i often get by on the belief that my Dad is with me in spirit and he is watching every thing i do. It really helps, and if i do something i think, Dad would be so proud.

Good luck for tomorrow, im sure whatever you choose to do will make him proud of you anyway.

xx

Answer 12

Look into Sylvia Browne. She has books, cd's and a website. Maybe her words can offer you some comfort, as well as a way to feel connected.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 13

I personally don't believe you have to get through the day without him, since I am sure he is with you. He is not only in your heart and your thoughts, which makes him exist further in this world, but I am confident, that he is still out there watching over you and trying to tell you, that he will not only be with you at his birthday, but also your birthday and all the other days of the year... I think he would like you to do the things you enjoy the most or you enjoyed the most before he passed away. It was his time to leave, but you are still here for a reason, so continue your life and enjoy it, do it for your partner.  

Answer 14

celebrate his life instead of dwelling on it death bring out the pictures of him doing happy things . make a birthday cake!! talk to him even if he's not there...ask permission from him ,if it helps, to move on.if he loved you im sure he'd want you to

Answer 15

I understand how you are feeling as I have been through a similar event.  

To be honest and harsh with you, there is no cure, or anything you can do to make it "go away" so to speak.

The thing I do that helps me is just take each day as it comes and try not to take anything too seriously.   Life is short, so enjoy the best of it.    One thing to tell you though is that if you do ever find yourself enjoying something, do not feel guilty as it is what your partner would want you to do.    Regardless of the Cliche sound of this - He would want you to be enjoying yourself.  Think, would he of wanted you to be non stop down about yourself?   No he wouldn't.

The best thing I find to do is wake up same time every morning, get breakfast and do something out of the norm, such as going for a random walk, or going out to a friends unexpectedly for a couple of drinks, or h**l just a chat.  

When you go to bed, listen to music that reminds you of him, and try to keep grievance time before bed, do it in your own time and try not let it affect the other things you have to do in life.  

Hope this helps.  

Also finding someone you can talk to in person is very good aswell.   Time and Friends are the best healers.

Scott =]

Answer 16

In my local area, a boy died recently, and it was a day before his birthday. His family had not planned a party, neither had he, but they just called up all his friends told them to tell his other friend that thye were going to have a birthday party for him.

Then on his birthday they rented a village hall at last minute and baked cakes and had a birthday party for him.

I think that is a really sweet idea.

Its always hard to cope with a death. Ive lost 6 people in two years, well 5 people and one jack russell. I never once forget about them. Youve got to think about the good times and not about the bad. Realise that they had a good quality of life. Don't mourn a birthday, celebrate it

Answer 17

Hey TJ

I know how hard it must be for you everyday to endure the missing of your partner.  I think you should definitely go to the crematorium.  He is there waiting for you.  That might sound silly but you need/want to connect with him; and i believe he is always there with you.  When you are home - light a bunch of white candles and incents to relax yourself and present a mood.  Maybe listen to a favorite cd you both used to listen too.  It may be painful to listen to, but i believe you may feel better once you have let out some of your anguish.

Love u TJ

Im here for you always :-* >:D<

Answer 18

I'm really sorry for the tough time you are having, so i would suggest you do something fun, maybe something you used to enjoy doing together. remember the fun times, and have a few laughs while you reminisce.

hope that helps in some way :)