How can I get through this? I'm getting divorced and my life is turning upside down.?

Question

Here's why.

1. He's leaving me for another woman - a former stripper who was a client.

2. Before that, he had an affair with his secretary.

3. During that time, he had a fling with an undergrad he met in a bar.

4. His friends all knew & condoned. Why? Because he lied and said that I beat him up and refuse to have s*x. Oh, and also I "tricked" him into marrying me. That is all unbelievably untrue and I wonder if I can sue for slander because it's absolutely false & malicious. It's also ironic since he had, on occasion, been physically abusive towards me and he never wanted to have s*x with me ever since his new secretary was hired. Before I thought it was a coincidence. Now I get that I'm a frigging moron.

5. The house is in his name.

6. Most of the belongings were purchased with his money.

7. I went back to college to finish my degree and he said that is what set all this off because he wanted a "full-time wife who supports him". I'm only through with one year and have a three or four more to go, depending on the route I take.

8. He keeps threatening to take away the dog that he said I could keep. This is scaring me to death.

9. He took all the money out of our joint account. I don't contribute as much as he does, but I do have scholarship and work/study money that I put in.

10. He told me that I'd better not file for divorce and I must just let him handle everything (he's a lawyer...I put him through law school...stupid me) or else he'll "bury me in legal fees" and he says he has tapes of me disparaging certain acquaintances and he'll play it to them just to embarrass me.

11. My family is siding with him. They are very old fashioned and strict religious-wise and they think that I was not being a good wife, otherwise my husband wouldn't have strayed and left me. They honestly think I didn't "try" hard enough and are being really rude to me about it when I really need emotional support.

I feel like I'm in a nightmare. School is starting up again soon and I don't want this to mess that up. I've always wanted a college degree. I'm 31 years old and didn't start until I was 30 because I married early and worked and put my husband through college and law school....my job was to be his wife and when I turned 30, I just decided that I need to do this. On the first day, I stood outside and did deep breathing exercise because I was so intimidated, but now I really like it. I think I can be o.k. on my own...eventually. But I'm freaking about these petty things he's holding over me now. I'm just scared. Oh, and humiliated. Absolutely humiliated. And hurt. This just sucks. I feel like failure and I don't know what to do. HELP!!

Answer 1

oh man, thats rough, people like him make me fear for the world. if its the way you say it is, you WILL be better off alone (even if he takes the puppy :( )  student loans, help from friends, get yourself thru school (i don't know if he's paying for it-if he is try to ride that out and then dump his a$$ at graduation) best of luck girl BE STRONG and for the love of mankind and all that God holds dear to his heart don't give up, don't let him beat you down, and know that there is ALWAYS a way.

Answer 2

Future advice before starting a relationship make sure u 2 are on the same page. He wanted a domestic wife, you want a degree and career. Get yourself a man who does NOT have a career and has the time and willingness to support a career woman.

Answer 3

1. Get a lawyer!

2. Try not to dwell on all that has happened.  Concentrate on your studies and your future.



3. Do not let him intimidate you!



4.  It doesn't matter whose name things are in.  Get a lawyer!

Answer 4

My god.

You need to call Dr. Phil ASAP. And maybe a lawyer or two. It's sad that your family isn't supporting you.

You need to know that you DONT deserve this, and it WILL get better with time. Focus on school, and finding that lawyer. VERY IMPORTANT.

Answer 5

if all your saying is true, why would you care at all about what he does and also why wouldnt you have gotten a divorce along time ago..sounds to me like you let all this happen so your going to need to figure it out for yourself. Nobody on yahoo answers can really help you..

Answer 6

First of all, let him go cause he's not worth the stress.  Secondly, it doesn't matter whose name is on the house.  It's still partly yours and he will have to give you 50% of the equity plus 50% of the marital assets.  You need to get a good lawyer to defend you and make your hubby pay the bill.  Don't let him intimidate you.  He's only doing it because he is hoping you will give in and not fight him.  You should also ask for alimony.  If he wants to be a jerk about it, take him for everything you rightfully deserve.  I'm not one to normally tell someone that but, under the circumstances, he is trying to manipulate you and he deserves it.  

Good Luck and don't give up!!  Get what's rightfully yours!!

Answer 7

What a loss! nah, seriously, your well better off without him and you will feel better in time and then you will realise yourself what a monster this man was!

Answer 8

im really sorry. this guy sounds liek a real as. u no i think u really just need to get urself out. who cares if u get emberessed? u really just should go to a lawrer. u have much more to defend urself with. other wishe im sorry i really dont no wat els to say.

Answer 9

You have a new lease on life.  Enjoy your new life!  There are lots of men out there that will treat you right.  Go to school and make something of yourself and enjoy your newfound freedom!!!!

Answer 10

oh my gosh i am so sorry...

i dont know a way to help you...

but that is a terrible situation and he is a terrible husband...

im so sorry :[

ill pray for you.

Answer 11

You don't need to be scared. He is just threatening you to scare you, that is another way that he can continue to control you. You should show him and move on with your life. Concentrate on bettering yourself and being independent. You don't need him. You deserve better.  

Answer 12

hello im so sorry for you and as i said toanother girl iv put a question upand got helll for it!! you knw whatgirlie?!! just you go get advice from somewhere go see if you canget yourself a place and what you are entitled to and let him get on with it just you deserve better when my ex walked out on me he left me withloans rent etc i gave up my house got a live in job and have only just pd off "our" debt after 5 years!!! but you know what i see him now an he miserable in a marriage where wife wants all money an top notch things i dnt have much but i geton with life and have had really awful timebut i now got my own house and great job hiswife never hada job and he has to work15 hours a day!!! i talk to him once a year on a xmas nite out and he follows me like apuppy crying an i just put hand up and say f*** you!!!!! be true to you doll and one day youcan look at him an all his woman he cheatin on you do whatyouneed to do for you let me knw x*x

Answer 13

He is at least a half decent lawyer because the oldest law trick in the world is to threaten you with what seems like overwhelming legal c**p like fees and taking your possessions. Any monies gained in the marriage is divided.  He is legally bound financially for the cost of you putting him through school if you can prove it. Let him have the dog. You're trying to get through school. Keep your focus. You will only be a failure if you don't try to succeed. It is unfortunate about your family but you don't live your life for them. You're in you 30's, you're not a little girl any more. Are you going to stay in a situation where you know the outcome is going to be you having a life of misery or will you go for your dream and work toward the outcome that you desire?

Answer 14

wow he is really pushing your buttons.  he seems to have it all figured out.

but there are two things you can be fairly certain about, and the first thing is that if he's cheating, that's not ok, and no matter his family or your family or friends opinions matter if he's cheating, then he's broken his marriage vows to you.  and it's hard to go back after that and have a really strong marriage.

the other thing you can be sure of is this: no matter what he does or doesn't do, you will be alright.

the world isn't coming to an end.

your life isn't over.

there are just a bunch of changes going on right now.  

all the legal drama, yes it is horrible, but ask yourself if you really care?  i mean if he told everyone everything and really made you look like a gold-digging hateful person, what difference it would make?  if he goes to those extremes, just remember, the only person he is hurting is himself, the only one who really looks bad, terrible, like a horrible person is him.

so let him do his worst.  let him air his dirty laundry.  

in the meantime, don't say a word about him, no emails or phone chats about what he is doing or anything that you do not want to be publicly known.

you can know that your emails and anything at all on the computer is fair game at this point in time.  so just stay away from the computer, use it only for homework.  

good luck to you.  you will have a good life and good things will come to you.  this will all eventually pass.  you are young enough to make a fresh start, any career, have a new husband, children.  the world is yours for the taking.  there is nothing he can do to steal that future away from you.

Answer 15

how much weight did u gain since your marrige began? think about it

Answer 16

i feel like alot of people are going to really fear answering your question in its entire fullness because it is so personal, never the less im here to help you! first of all it seems your in one of those situation where it feels like the entire world has turned its back and you, where do you go? who do you run to for help? it's like your stuck in an endless cycle of depression so to speak.But first, and most importantly you have to realize that you are letting him take control and he is harnessing that power over you. No one and i mean NO ONE should ever dictate your happiness and make you feel trapped. If you do not stand up for yourself then you have lost the battle. the things he is threatening you with are the only things he has over you. you have to learn to let those things go and realize if you truly show him you are not afraid of what he does. he has nothing to attack or threaten you with. this man will never find love in his life because of how he thinks he can treat a significant other. but you are meant for something more and you have to realize that. lawyer or not he is just a ruthless man that doesn't deserve you. you have to stand up for yourself and not give a rats a$$ what he says he will show/do in court.  whether it embarrasses you or not in the end you will be the happy one. its almost like the first time you wanted to go down a slide when you were a kid, you sat at the top for minutes just wondering how it was going to turn out, scared, nervous excited... and its as simple as just pushing yourself forward and the slide does the rest. you need to just push yourself forward and get through this. and before you know it..it's all over and done with and your back up the slide again. you see life isn't a destination, its a journey. we aren't suppose to settle with what we got or deal with things that hurt us because at the end of our lives we don't get a trophy that says how great we did in life, we get nothing. thats why we have to make the best of our time here and always want the best for ourselves. you seem like a good person and you deserve to be happy. dont fear him, and he has nothing on you.

Answer 17

Your life isn't turning up side down. What you know and familiar with is all coming apart. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Move out make your own money and go for as long as you payed for at the school. Then move away. There no since in staying in a town you don't like. Start a off fresh. You might feel like thats to late but its never to late to start a new life.