How can I handle my moms evil mind games?

Question

I'm 16 years old and I turn 17 next month. My mom has been playing mind games with my father for years. Shes even started up on me! It all started when I was born. My mom was either working or at her friends house all day long. She was barely ever home and when she was, she was always sleeping or bitching. This caused my dad to raise me and im closer to my dad then I am my mom.

She used to go around and tell all her friends our family problems. She always exaggerates to people and puts things on really thick to make it sound worse than it is.

My dad warned my mom along time ago to stop telling everybody our family problems/personal business and she has started it back up! For about the last year (maybe more) she has been blabbing away to my aunt about ME and problems that have happened in the past with my behavior! I havent done anything wrong in the past 4-5 years! My mom has always been jealous of me because my dad will stick up for me instead of her. Now it seems like shes trying to get my aunt (my dads own sister) again him. And if my dad says anything to my aunt or gets mad at my aunt my mom will say "see I told you he sticks up for thomas" (my name is thomas) I cant take it nomore! She goes around and tells everybody our business in our house! Its like shes really goofy or something. I cant handle it nomore! I even fear of going over to my aunts house for get togethers because I know everyone knows about me and my mom always exaggerates!! How can I handle this?

My mom constantly plays these games! When something goes on at her friends house, she'll call up another friend and blab her other friends business and tell her all of what happened and she starts exaggerating alot!

Lastnight my mom went to my aunts house and my brother went with her. My brother told me that my mom was talking about me. He said that she exaggerated so much that my aunt got pissed off at my brother and me because of the way we act. I cant deal with it! She has my dad and me cornered! She has everything all planned out!

I used to misbehave along time ago but havent done anything bad in 4-5 years. The only thing that happened is school and I dropped out last year because of social anxiety. I used to get bullied in middle school and then I dropped out in 9th grade last year. Ive already got stuff straightened around and i'm going to take GED classes sometime this year to get my GED. I just need to hear from the counselor on where/what to go or do. I'm sorry if it sounds like im babbling away! I just have so much to explain I dont know where to start! Its like my mom is jealous and hates me! My dad says she used to get her friends against him and then laugh about it!

She plays these games where she will fake like shes mad at me and will scream at me just so my dad will hear it and get pissed off and come running to see whats going on. Then after my dads mad and gives me h**l, she will be like "haha I got u again" Its like shes jealous because he never sticks up for her! She complains that I need help and that she cant do nothing because my dad tells her not to! Now if she was a concerned parent, wouldnt she do something and not care what my dad says?

Please dont give me 1 word answers. I really need help with this! I cant see a counselor right now.

Answer 1

nice story... to bad i dont give a fck. dont tell strangers on the internet stuff about your personal life because we couldnt care less.

Answer 2

I will need to edit but I want to ask a few things just now.

By Aunt, is this your Mums sister or your Dads?

You need to take into account the fact that (whoever it is actually) might not be against you, but is just saying those things to sympathise with your Mum and keep her happy. You know how sometimes we agree with people just because we feel like it would help them in the moment?

Also take into account that if you LIVE with your Mum, have done for 16 years (presumably?) and are only now getting wise to her, she probably still has other people fooled, and you need to be patient as it will take them a while to see through her BS too.

You brought it all up so I'm going to ask what seems a really personal questions now. Why does your Dad stay with her? Does he love her or what? It's kind of surprising he's still there. Have you ever discussed you and your Dad going to live on your own?

I guess that doesn't help you, but it's a complicated story really. The best advice I could give right now is to just try to put up with it just now until you can move out because it's not that far away. Most people's parents p** them off, very few have good relationships. It's good that you at least get along with your Dad.

I would try speaking to your Aunt and other people she blabs to. Get to know them well so they know you're not the person your Mum makes out.

Oh, and depending on just how badly you misbehaved, you might have to take a little responsibility for it. We don't know what it was.. But some Mums can take even pretty small things their children did very badly and always hold it against them. For all we know you could have made her life h**l.

The thing is, I don't know why you were bad years ago, but it could have been because of your mothers (admittedly) bad parenting. But even if it was due to something else, a lot of parents see a bad kid as something THEY failed at. They raised a bad child, and it hurts them and makes them ashamed. Maybe she can't get over it and feels the need to protect her parenting skills by making you out to be a wild child.

Hopefully you have apologised sincerely, even though you don't do it anymore. I agree with the other person where they said that your Mum probably has some personality problem where no amount of talking things through will stop her unfortunately.

Answer 3

Your mother has serious emotional issues.  What she is doing is called child abuse. It is your dad's obligation & responsibility to protect you.  He needs to stand up & tell her that she needs counseling & ensure that she gets the help she needs.  It might be a good idea to enlist someone in the family other than your dad to help you with this.  You may even need to enlist the help of your aunt.  Perhaps your dad needs to talk to your aunt about how he has noticed your mother's behavior is affecting you.  You can't tell me that other family members have not noticed the trouble she's causing or may have caused someone else in the past.  While you may think this is something new & has only happened to you, I'll bet she's done this to another family member before.  Ask around I bet someone is bound to know.  Don't be afraid to speak up.  Many kids end up having problems because they don't have any adult confidantes.  Get your GED & continue to work to better yourself.  Sounds like your mother has a severely low self-esteem problem, that she has to make her own kid look bad so she can look good.  Don't give up.  Speak to another adult.  Good luck.

Answer 4

Geez hun, you're only a young boy and this is so unfair of your mom to be transferring her obvious depression problems onto you and your father .......... does your mother have a drinking or drug / prescriiption med addiction??  Does she eat loads of sugary and junk foods??? i'm only asking because abusing all these things can definitely alter a persons sense of well being, peace and sanity and healthy mind set.....  what we put into our mouths plays a huge part inthe health of  our nervous, immune and digestive system ......... try and get her to go see a nutritionally oriented physician or naturopath as it may simply be that she is eating foods to which she is highly intolerant ......hey, sorry things seem so blue but really and truly mate she sounds like she is in an awful lot of pain health wise to be behaving this way ....... ask her why she behaves like this.... calmly and peacefully ...... happy healthy people don't go around spreading grief and misery ..... ask her if she gets horrible tummy aches, migraines, achy bones, constipation, digestive issues like bloating, cramping, mood swings (clearly she has those) .....  all these can be symptoms of food intolerances.

Blessings & peace 2 u and yours mate.

♥

Answer 5

OK, I got through all that.:o)

Your mother is the classic example of someone that craves attention, so has become a pathological liar. My ex mother in law was like that. she got the whole family so that nobody was talking to anybody.

so, even if they are getting negative attention, somehow it satisfies them. It sounds like you have it pretty rough, but you have your Dad. Have you and your father actually sat down for a good long talk? It sounds like you can be very honest with him about your feelings. He has told you about things that she did to him, right?

I don;t really know what else to say to help you. It is always tough to deal with a person with those personality traits, never mind if it's your mother! I feel for you, and know that you are trying because you going to get your GED. Then you should go out and find at least a part time job, or is it an option for you to go to college or a trade school. Whatever you decide to do, it would be great for you to get out of the house,and start being a little independent for a few hrs a day.

Hang in there.