Question:

How can I handle my moms mind games?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

I'm 16 years old turning 17 next month.

My mom has always went to her friends and gossip about family problems and how bad she has it to make them feel sorry for her. They always end up beliving her because she exaggerates so much. She used to play mind games with my dad and he finally wised up to her. He then started playing them back to her. She couldnt handle it nomore and then somehow got her friends against him to where they all hated my dad. She told her friends a bunch of BS and they believed it. She ended up coming out feeling good.

I'm not innocent. When I was growing up, my dad had a heart attack and got CHF. Hes in poor health and is in the hospital every 1-2 months. This affected my emotions and me constantly worrying about him. This affected my schooling too. Then when I started hitting puberty my hormones were raging and I used to have temper tantrums. I used to break things and throw stuff. This happened for about 5 years. I have recently matured and my mind is changing and I no longer have anger issues. I havent thrown things or busted anything since I was 14 years old. But I dropped out of HS last year in 9th grade because I used to get bullied and I eventually got social anxiety from it. Even though I have never been diagnosed with it.

My dad went in Friday to have his defibrillator changed. Then on Saturday night my mom made it look like she was going to my aunts to give her some food that we wont eat. She asked me if I wanted to go and I said no. She asked if my brother wanted to go and he said yes and they went. When they got there, my mom ended up talking about the hospital and things and somehow mentioned my name. My mom starts bringing up all these things that have happened in the past and all about school and how I treat my dad. She exattured so much to the point to where my aunt was pissed off at me. My mom even started talking about my brother and then my aunt got pissed off at my brother a little bit. It was almost like a setup my mom had planned because after she left the hospital from visiting my dad, she told my dad she was leaving to come home and fix me and my brother something to eat. I waited until 9pm for her to come home and I called my dad and asked if he seen my mom. He called my aunts house and asked if she was gonna come home and fix dinner for me and my brother, and then my aunt says "god how old is he? Isnt he old enough to get off his *** and fix himself a sandwhich" you know, making me look like im lazy.

My aunt and mom used to never talk that much. But then her husband got sick and was in poor health just like my dad. But he was much more worse, he ended up passing away. But my mom and my aunt got really close. They gossip about everything, its to the point where if I wanted to talk to my aunt about what happened, she wont believe anything I say because my mom has me looking bad and like its all my fault because my dad always sticks up for me. She wants my dad to get mad at his own sister so she can prove a point that he always sticks up for me. I think shes jealous because she doesnt get the attention she wants so she tries to get family against each other just to feel good about herself from all the attention even though its negative.

When my brother told my dad and me what happened, I started crying because I couldnt believe she was trying to get my own aunt against me. My dad confronted my mother, and she started throwing up things about how I dropped out of school and just sit around the house. Putting the situation all on me making me look like its all my dads fault for me dropping out. As she was saying this, my dad told her to "stop playing her sick little evil mind games" As she was putting the blame on me and my dad she got pissed off because my dad wasnt believeing it and then she got up and started cursing him, calling him a "F****** B**s***d" and then she went in and asked my brother if he told my dad and me what they talked about lastnight at my aunts. Then she got all quiet and went outside and sat. She hasnt said a word since!

Is there a way I can handle this? I mean, shes done this for years according to my father. Is there something I can say or do to get her back? I cant explain my feelings or have a talk with her because she ends up throwing it in my face in an argument. Im getting to where I cant stand her. I'm starting to realize how nuts my mom is. My dad always used to tell me that she would tell everyone our family business and she would get all her friends against him and that she "loved doing it".

I cant talk to my aunt about this or say anthing because she has my aunt fooled so much!

For the schooling thing: I'm already planning on going to get my GED. I have already been talking to the counselor and shes going to talk to the principal at my previous school and other things. Then I will be going to GED classees probably. So as to why my mom was throwing it up about school is because she was guilty as h**l.

 Tags:

   Report

5 ANSWERS


  1. It sounds like you are in a tough spot, between your feelings and those of your mom's.  The best thing to do is make the right choices you can everyday, the ones you can control.  Your mom sounds like she needs some help herself.  Talk to a therapist and get some help for your anxiety.  Control the things you can in your life and not those that your mother overtakes.  Good luck


  2. First off Good for you for going and getting that GED. Please keep that up because it sounds to me like you are going to have to be able to stand on your own two feet and you will NOT be able to do that without a proper education. So once you finish that GED, PLEASE enroll in college, and get a degree. :)

    I have found that when families do not get along, when the parent passes away the child is racked with guilt over "If I only would have done this or that." I realize how hard this must be with you and your mother. I have a sister in law that acts the same way. I really feel the best way out of this is for you to show grace and maturity. Be cautious over every word that is spoken. Don't get caught in a trap of you talking bad about your mother because it will make it worse. To beat her at her own game is to become the stronger person. You need to act as if her mind games are not affecting you. You need to prove that you are strong enough to stand on your own, and make something of yourself without the help of anyone else. You need to keep on appearing to be the happiest you have been. If she sees this, she will feel she hasn't broken you. She will try harder, but you need to stay strong. If she feels she can not break you, she will become powerless. She is trying to control you, by turning you back into the teen who throws tantrums and then she can get sympathy from everyone that you are going to harm her!

    Also you need to STOP talking to your father about your mother. I know this may sound mean to you but your father needs to be your parent and not your friend. Every child needs to feel that someone has their back, and your father certainly has done his job there! :) BUT every child needs a chance to be a kid, and not another parent or friend to their parent. Your dad needs to vent and is coming to you, and this is causing more pain, and rage to you. Even though your father does not mean to put you in that position, he is. I think your relationship will be stronger if you tell him "Dad I just want to put this behind me and move on. I love you and I feel bad for everything that Mom has put you through, but I can't keep coming to you, and you to me complaining about her because it's unhealthy." He sounds like a GREAT Dad and I'm sure he will understand.

    Above all keep up the great work of growing and changing into a wonderful, intelligent, and self sufficient person that it sounds like are you becoming. I know this sounds like it will not work, but trust me when people feel they have gotten the best of you, they feel victorious. They feel they have broken your spirit and won the battle. Don't give anyone that satisfaction! Even if you have to go in your room and cry to yourself, don't let her see you unhappy or angry. When she makes comments to your face just smile and walk away. Because you will know that you are better than that. You will hold something that she never has had! GRACE, Dignity, and respect!

    Good luck!

  3. Its unfortunate to say, but I have a similar story. My mom loves people to be sympathetic towards her, except, two of my sisters are just like her and we don't get along, and she has my dad worshiping the ground she walks on. What you need to focus on is getting your own life together, taking care of your dad, and doing whatever is best for you. Your mom is a big girl, Im sure she can take care of herself, but its always good to appreciate what she has done for you growing up and try to think of the good times. Let the negativity give you lessons to learn and make you a stronger, better person. I love my mom as much as I hate a lot of things about her and my sisters, but I learn from them on what I should not do with my own kids oneday. I hope this helps. Your young so it should be your time to live your life,  your grown enough to appreciate the good and move on from the bad. I will definitely try to take my own advice but I hope it helps you!

  4. I helped raise my godchild because her mom is kind of like yours. Nutty and not that nice. I always thought that it was mainly because the mom drinks though. I don't have an easy answer for you on how to deal with her. Getting your GED and preparing to get out of the house seems like the best course of action though. You can email me if you want to talk. My mom had her first heart attack when I was 11, later she had CHF and a defibrillator too.  

  5. The best thing to do is to respond with love and compassion no matter what. Control your anger and act from a place of love and gratitude at all times.

    She might be doing this for attention, give her attention and focus every day. Shy hi to her, interact with her. This way, she won't have modtivation to keep going.

    Good luck

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 5 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.
Unanswered Questions