How can I handle this wedding guest without being rude?

Question

I'm having a small wedding of 90 people. The vendor won't fit more than 100 but I'm stopping at 90 because I don't want to be cramped. The 90 people are family or closest friends. We are not doing a wedding where everyone gets to add their own guest list. A guy who has been to other family weddings of my fiance is known as my fiance's dad's single neighbor...since my fiance's dad didn't really know anyone coming to the wedding, we decided to invite the guy for a companion for fiance's dad. This guy never brought a date to the other weddings he's been at...and I don't even think he is seeing anyone. We did not say his name and guest on the invite, it was only his name. He responded that he was coming and on the card he wrote his name and GUEST. No name for the guest...just guest. First of all, he was only being invited for my fiance's dad, second, he never brought a guest before and if he even had any idea who he was bringing...he would have wrote a name. Finally....we didn't invite him and guest! He's just an old guy that likes to drink and probably hasn't had anyone in years! Whatever though...how do we tell him no guest when we have allowed other people on our wedding list to invite guests.

I know I sound like a B but I wouldn't care if this was a bigger less personal wedding...

Best way to go about this anyone?

Answer 1

Well, you should have told the father that it was HIM plus one and he could have invited the friend along.  Im unsure of the best way to handle this situation... You can either stress over it, or let him come.  How does your hubby to be feel about it?  I am unsure what kind of "tact" will be needed to pull this off with out a problem.  However, if this is the one major problem in your wedding planning... consider yourself lucky.  Im sorry I was not all that much help.  Lots of luck and Congrats!!!

Answer 2

Well, it is just 1 guest. Personally, I would let it go. Someone else you invited is bound to not come, so the guest can make up for them.

If other people start adding guests, THEN you should put your foot down on the guest thing, but just 1 extra is not too big of a deal. If you can, I would just let it go.

If letting it go is absolutely not an option, then just tell him that you don't have space at the venue for an "and guest". If he gets rude about it or insists that he wants a guest, let it go and let him have his guest. If he gets upset and says he is not coming, you can either give in and let him have his guest, or else just accept him not attending.

Answer 3

it is ONE person. Just let it go. You will not even care the day of your wedding. Seriously you wont even remember. It is a very minor thing. He is not a mind reader and didn't know you wanted to keep your wedding small.  

Answer 4

You or your fiancé can call the guy and say “Hey, we’re sorry for any confusion but we don’t have room for extra guests. Can we still expect you to attend?”  

Answer 5

I agree with the answer that said you should have had your future father in law invite him as his guest...I am assuming you are allowing your father -in-law to bring a guest if he would like. I am a bit confused that you said your fiance's dad would not know anyone else at the wedding, but that's another story altogether. You, as well as your fiance, and maybe even your fiance's dad, should have considered all of this. You stated others could bring guests..though I doubt you know definitely who that guest will be. I say grin and bear it...allow him his guest should he bring one, and inform your father in law he may bring someone if he likes too. Frankly, it was not for you to decide who should be invited as your fiance's father's guest. And your fiance's father will in fact know at least two people at the wedding, HIS son, the groom, and you, the bride.  

Answer 6

just talk to him nicely and explain that he isn't able to bring a guest apologize and explain that u want a small personal wedding.unfortunately no matter how u do it u still need to tell the man that he cant bring a guest u just need to find a tact full way to do it

Answer 7

It was very rude of him to include an uninvited guest.  You call and tell him that you are at the legal limit of the place's capacity and you cannot have any extra's attending.  You will not have a seat or food for the guest you added so I regret to tell you that you must take back your invitation as I cannot accomodate more people than I invited.

Or you could tell him the truth that there is no space and he was invited to keep your father in law company.  You tell him any way you want but if you do not tell him be prepared for a lot of extra guests.

Answer 8

Maybe you could tell him that there can't be many people coming since its suppose to be a small wedding that consists of about 90 people. Try to say it in a nice polite way and if he takes it the wrong way and starts to cause an uproar about it, then uninvite him. If he acts like a jerk about not having a guest then that shows how he might act if he doesn't get something his way at the wedding. But if he acts understanding and is nice in return then it should be fine. Good luck!

Answer 9

Have your fiance's dad talk to him, maybe he can just say that the caterer quoted your for 90 people and won't do over at this late in the game?  

Answer 10

Well how rude!

You have to remember this is YOUR day and you do not want someone like this spoiling it for you.

I would politely write a letter explaining that he is more than welcome to attend the wedding to accompany your dad, and stops there as your function only caters for a certain amount of numbers and that you have already reached your limit.

Don't feel bad about doing it, he should feel bad about being so rude on what's supposed to be the most important and happy day of your life.

XX

Answer 11

well to be honest I dont think its gonna be a big deal. I mean you invited 90 people, it doesnt seem too big of a deal if there was 91. And he may just want the obtion of bringing someone, like everyone else. I mean like you said he has never brought anyone else before, he still may not bring anyone. There was no name given. But this is your wedding day, its your day. So you could just ask him who his guest is gonna be, if its anyone just tell them that unfortunately the place can only hold 90 people and you could only invite him because he's close to your fiance's family. And if that dont float your boat get your fiance's father to do it, or your fiance.

Answer 12

You cannot invite him and then don't invite him.

You can ask your dad to tell him that he was invited as one guests and that you cannot accomodate his guest as well due to space.

Good luck

Answer 13

Give him a acall and let him know you are on a strick limit for guests so unfortunaly he will not be able to bring a guest, but he will be seated with his friend.  

Answer 14

Call him and apologize for not realizing that he now has a "significant other" in his life and ask for the person's name and address so that you can send him/her an invitation. If this neighbor man doesn't have any particular person in his/her life then say that you're sorry but you're not able to accommodate guests bringing guests of their own -- the wedding is only for people that your family knows well and cares about.

You didn't ask, but this is also the way to handle it when you're not sure whether a person is truly single or in a "not married but may as well be" type relationship. You call and ask "Is there someone special you'd like for me to invite for you?" ... And no, guests may NOT call back and say "I broke up with Pat but I'm bringing Lee instead."