How can I help a 4-year old child with behavioral problems due to witnessing domestic violence?

Question

I teach English at an overseas private preschool. I have a 4-year old student who witnessed domestic violence on his mom (not sure if he himself was direct victim of it). Parents divorced recently and now live in different countries. The mom tells me that, at home, her child constantly hits other children including his baby sister . At school he is not violent but disobedient and uninterested (who would?). He goes from being quiet to being disruptive. He rarely changes the sad expression on his face. The few times he plays with other children, he plays well, though. He's well liked.

We started school in September but just last week found out about the abuse through other teachers! So, unfortunately he was frequently placed in "time-out" which now I know made things even worse for him. The school has no school psychologists or counselors; it's not part of the culture. Please, I want to help this child as much as my limited position permits. Any suggestions? Thanks.

Answer 1

This child needs to see a psychologist/counselor asap.  He needs to be given the opportunity to express his feelings with a professional.  He is not only healing from the aftermath of witnessing  domestic violence, but also dealing with all the emotions of his parents' divorce.  Children often blame themselves, and he is already acting out in the only way he knows how.  This child needs help now or it will cause problems in his future.  I know you want to help this child, but I do believe that individual and family counseling is in this child's best interest.

If counseling is not a possibility, I think a good exercise to do with the children would be educating about emotions and feelings.  For example, you could go through different emotions one by one (happy, sad, angry, frustrated, etc.) and talk about them.  What does someone look like that is angry?  What types of things make you angry?  What do people do when their angry?  If inapproprate response like hitting, talk about alternatives like talking to an adult, drawing a picture about what made you mad, playing a sport, etc. I also think its important to stress that these emotions are normal, but they need to be expressed in appropriate ways.  I hope this helps.  My heart goes out to that little boy.  I'm glad he has such a caring teacher.

Answer 2

This child needs consistent boundaries from you as he has learned inappropriately violent behaviour. He needs to know you will be firm but fair, and you will seperate the child from the behaviour (it's not the child who is 'bad' it is the behaviour). He needs to know what is and isn't appropriate. This should also be reinforced at home, ideally with professional help, reassurance and love.

Answer 3

don't get too close, or the child may feel harmed.

act kind

Answer 4

Use consistency with this child.

Answer 5

This child needs first to receive a lot of love from his mother.  Secondly, I would suggest that the father visit them, and make a point of being nice, kind, and afftectionate to both of them, and assure the child that he was not going to do that again.  Lacking that, another man who would seem a father figure to him, modeling kind, gentle, and affectionate relationship to the mother.

Answer 6

fristly i think u need to make sure that the child feels like he is in a safe and welcoming environment.  Once he trusts u then u will need to be firm but fair.  Keep all disciplinary actions the same with all the children and try not to single him out...  Have all the children sit together and make rules about school, what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour...  Then get the children to list consequences for breaking these rules.....  U really need to get on this childs side whether it be giving him loads of praise or joking around with him and getting right down onto his level.  If u can break through his wall that he has put up so he won't get hurt then u will eventually see a different child.  Just keep at it and don't give up....  He will eventually come around if u keep at him with love and care.