How can I help my 13 year old do better with his schoolwork?

Question

My son is in 8th grade and is really srtuggling with 8th grade. He is failing his classes and may not graduate this year. He has always struggled with school. His dad and I are divorced and I am in another state. His dad has NO patience when it comes to helping him with homework, etc. He has this tone about him all the time that you think he's always mad or yelling. He doesn't encourage my son or reward him for good behaviors or grades. But he punishes him, takes things away and grounds him for EVERY bad grade. I know his dad cares and wants him to do well. He just doens't know any other way. I'm not even sure he realizes he's not helping this way. I feel lost being this far away. How can I help him get through this and get better grades. I told him I will do homework with him every night on the phone if it will help. He said he really wants my help and will do whatever it takes. He just wants my help. Please dont' bash me about living out of state. It's hard enough knowing he's not

Answer 1

Use the technology to your advantage.  You are not there physically but you can be there in an instant everyday.  The internet!  Install Y!Messenger (if you haven't already) and message away!  Let him ask you questions, do research together (ie, go to ____ website, I found it helpful...I wait until you finish reading), and then discuss the topic.  That will help him greatly in his studies.  Is not homeschooling, but is a close cousin ;D.

Good luck

Answer 2

Chain him to his desk, give him an occastional slap and starve him.

Answer 3

I am SO not going to bash you about living out of state. My husband and I are divorced as well, however I am blessed with the kids. It may be that your husband could be bitter still about the divorce and taking it out on your son, OR he could be feeling like a failure about the marriage and your son's grades. My advice is actually for your ex. What he really needs is some couselling to help him deal with being a single parent. He also needs to find a single parent support group. He will find PLENTY of people that can help show him a better way of coaching your son to do better in school. And don't think you nor your ex are not smart enough to home-school. You'll never know until you look into it. Good luck to all of you.

Answer 4

I was a bad student in middle school once.  I received C's and D's but certainly not F's. I wasn't an idiot of course since I still held that spark in me.  That spark is achievement but  my vision was distorted.  

I used to think getting good grades would make others see me as a "geek, nerd, teacher kiss-up, loser, not outgoing etc.."

I believe your son is experiencing the same thing and that he is and WILL go down the wrong path.   I strongly believe that the friends around him have similar crappy behaviors as well.

Your position is already a long distance relationship with your own son.  Your husband is not around which makes it worse.

By the way, all middle schools have counselors for homework help and support.  

Tell your son FOUR THINGS

1.  "Do you want to flip burgers at McDonalds when your 18?"

2.  "When Mom gets old, she can not support the family any more, you must take care of yourself.   Doing your homework is the first step. Getting good grades is the 2nd.  Graduating  is the 3rd."

3. "If you do your homework and earn good grades in school you are not considered a nerd/ such and such because it is those people that call you such things will end up working at Walmart or Tacobell."  

4. "Mom and Dad loves you, and we know our son has the ability to achieve beyond his parent's paycheck.

Answer 5

My 'rents are divorced and I'm in te eighth grade. I Relate! YAY!!!! I have always stunk at school and my teachers suck so my mom sends me to this tutor out of school once a week and she helps me understand things.

Answer 6

i think you doing all you can is realy going to help him. it would help him more if yuo could be more involved with his school activities n what does in school and stuff like that. im not trying to scare you or anything, but my whole school years up until today, my parents have never been there when i accomplish something in school..i used to be a straight A student til tha 9th grade..the thought of my parents not being involved made me think they dont care..so im barley making it through school now..im in 10th grade n havein a hard time..just because of that..n all this with my parents not careing only lead to a bigger problem for me. DRUGS

Answer 7

You can't homeschool a child over the telephone, if that's what you are suggesting. I don't know how his dad's set-up is, or what friends your son has , but it sounds like things would be better if your son could do his homework at a friend's house, or with a paid teenager for one hour after school if the cash was available. Your ex sounds like he does not enjoy the process of homework, and its a very common thing for some parents to be impatient with the slow progress of their offspring. I don't think he should be in charge of homework if he can't cope. Let's face it. Homework can be time consuming, and frustrating. Maybe they could get on with life better if the homework was done before the evening and they could just enjoy each others company instead.



We only know that punishment is better reserved for really bad social behaviour, and not for struggling with grades, as fear of failing always makes a student fail even more.

I imagine your ex berates himself for his lack of self control later which is natural, but he has to admit his failings in this area, and let your boy lighten up. He is not the man for this job. He should delegate. Your son will be an adult longer than he'll be a child, and he will not forget the feelings of fear and misery over his studies with his dad.