How can I help my 4 year old son feel better?

Question

I have 3 boys ages 4, 2, and 4 months. Lately my oldest has been acting so weird. He is normally the happiest, most energetic kid I've ever seen. But last month he started acting up and now he is just very quiet and plays by himself and doesn't like to spend time with the family.

I am a stay at home mother and my husband travels for work alot. He is home for 2 weeks and then travels for 2 weeks, you know, not a regular schedule at all. And it really effects the kids because they get to spend time with him and then he leaves again. It's his own company and it provides so well that it's just a situation we have to deal with.

I took our 4 yr old to the doctor and everything was fine and I try to spend as much one on one time with him as I can but I also have 2 other kids [one being a small baby] so I can't always be there when I want to. We have a nanny that makes it easier for me to spend time with the kids.

Answer 1

I think you are right. I really think it is a combonation of things that are making him depressed/angry/upset. The combination being his dad is gone, he has other siblings that need attention, and there is only one of you.

I think I would first try to explain to him when you have some one on one time why your husband has to leave so much. I think if understood more of what was going on he wouldn't be as upset. Maybe once he realizes that his dad will be coming back in a certain amount of time it will give him something to look forward too, rather than just wondering where he is and when he will be back. Maybe you could get him a calendar for the year and put it in his room, or in the family room with the days marked when dad will be back and when dad will be leaving. Have him cross out each day that passes each night/morning and tell him daddy is coming home in so many days or possibly leaving in so many days. This way he will know when to expect him home and when he will be leaving. I think this would also help him come to terms when dad has to leave because he has had time to acknowledge it a few days before hand and will be prepared to say good bye and it won't be so hard on him if his dad just left one day.

Now for the attention part. I'm sure it is hard to get one on one time with 3 kids or just some good quality time together as a family. I would try planning fun activites for the whole family especially when dad is home. This will give the kids a good chance to bond with dad while he is home. Also just doing some fun games or activites around the house or neighborhood would be great too. Some fun activity ideas could be: finger painting, going to the park, playing catch, going to see a movie, going bowling, put put golf, maybe a scavenger hunt you make yourelf ect. Just be creative. Also maybe you could have the nanny watch the baby sometimes so you and the older two kids can go to some bigger kid places, like chuckie cheese, maybe a bounce house place (the kind that is indoors and they have like 4 diferent blow up bounce houses inside), and maybe going swimming at a water park or just at a local pool.

Bacially just spend time with the family by doing some fun activities that everyone will enjoy and have a good time with and maybe do some special outings with just your older son, like take him to Braums to get ice cream or something. Good luck and I hope this helped some! =]

Answer 2

Try asking him if he is mad at you for any reason, or maybe your husband can ask him. He might just be feeling like he's not needed anymore because you are so busy with the other kids. Try mentioning a few times a day how proud you are of him and that you love him. Even if he doesn't respond, he will come around.  You could also explain to him how much you need him and let him do little things like getting a diaper for the baby or let him check the temp of the baby's bottle on his arm. Simple things make them feel more included and less of an outsider.

Answer 3

Try spending a whole day just you and him.. go somewhere his pick and leave the other kids with a nanny

Answer 4

maybe hes bipolar take him to the doctor they'll give him sum medicine

Answer 5

Does your hubby call every night he is gone?  Have you sat down with your son and actually explained why daddy travels and how important it is for him to do so?  Gosh...4 is such a hard age to begin with...it is when they really grow into the person they will become..if that makes sense.  lol  

I think the best thing you can do is communicate with him more  and most importantly have your hubby really try and do things for him while he is away.  Maybe a letter in the mail sent home for each week he is away?  Your son can look forward to the letter.  OR..how about a video cam on your PC so your son can see him and talk at the same time.  Good Luck!  I am sure it is so hard!