How can I help my Girlfriends 9 years old son from stealing?

Question

His grandmother once had custody of him and his sister and they saw her stealing on a day to day bases. They were abused physically and emotionally for a while, not by her only at times it was by her boyfriend. So now after having a 4 year custody battle, we are trying to fix what was broken by their grandma. He(son) has been stealing left and right, appears to be sorry and when we turn our backs he is doing it again. This leads to me and my girlfriend arguing because we have different ways of handling the situation. She was away from them for so long she feels guilty and does want them to feel she does not love them and also doesn't want them to want to go back to their grandmas. He(son) is in counseling not just because of the grandma,but also has some issues of his own already. I feel lost and I know she does too we are trying everything from policestations,taking toys--tv time, not letting him go to friends, even spankings. WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING! I JUST HOPE WE ARE NOT TOO LATE.

Answer 1

You have to bring the issue up with your son's therapist

Something this deep is going to take a lot of work, but it can help if the therapist brings it up in therapy, plus the therapist can offer you some suggestions to help move the process along.

But it may be a while before he feels whole, and you notice that he is a highly functioning human being again.

Answer 2

Is your girlfriend in counseling with HER child?

This is really none of your business and I would mind your own. As a live in boyfriend you really have no parental authority over the child.

Answer 3

YOU have no right disciplining HER children at all.  You are not related to them, you are not their parent.  You are their mother's boyfriend period and that does NOT entitle you to discipline her children.  I suggest you back off because if CPS gets wind of YOU disciplining children that are NOT your own she could lose them to foster care.

Answer 4

Have you tried sitting down with him and just asking him why he's stealing? Don't bother getting angry or taking anything away, just sit down and talk with him. Tell him that he doesn't need to take steal things because he can just ask you if he needs something.

Answer 5

the child has been abused so to him being bad is one of the only ways to get attention so he is going to do whatever he can to get it so i suggest one on one time take him to a movie you know just either you and him or him and his mom and the same thing with his sister let the kids know that the bad attention isnt going to give them what they need randomly if he is having a good week take him to get ice cream  if he is having a bad day pull him a side and say 'i noticed that alot of things havent been going your way today do you want to talk about why?' the childs other issues may clear up in time also he needs to know that good behavior will get him farther than the bad behavior

***instead of punishing the child everytime pull him aside when you noticed he has done it and talk to him about it like what made him want that thing and it might help you to understand him more also