How can I help my friend Kat out?She is having the worst run of luck ever, on top of all else she's pregnant!!

Question

The problem is that this baby's father (her two boys were with her first husband) left her before she found out (long story, lets leave it at when he said he had a few errands to run they involved cleaning out their bank account and skipping town.) She and her two boys are living with me and my husband right now, because her lousy ex didn't pay their rent for 3 months before he took off and she lost their apartment. She was recently laid off from her job, has no money, permanent home, or support outside of my hubby and I. She has been so depressed, over the last few weeks it seemed like she lost the will to live. After finding out about this baby today she had a breakdown. She wants to put the baby up for adoption, but she doesn't know where to start. Does anyone here have any advice? She and I had a very long talk today and she is sure about giving the baby up. She didn't want to be a mom again before all this, nevermind now. She's pro-life so abortion is not an option..

Answer 1

look on the Internet for adoption places in your area (you didn't tell us where you live, BTW).  she needs to give this baby up, and she needs to find the baby daddy who skipped town with her money.

Answer 2

Whoa....I will definitely say a prayer for her tonight. That is such a tough call. She already has children, who are definitly going to have questions as to why she isn't going to bring this baby home. There are emergency welfare funds available for her all the way from food to housing and electricity. She should speak with a pastor of a local church. There may be a church member who is looking to adopt, and may be willing to help her out financially. The best thing you can do for her today is be her friend and help her find the resources available to her. Be her encourager and rock. If possible, take her away for a few days, just you and her and have some girl time. Many blessings and prayers go to you both.

Answer 3

I believe she can sue him for child support, but that doesn't guarantee he'll pay. Because of her unfortunate situation, she may have to put the kids in temporary foster home. I don't know if temporary is really possible, I'm just aiming to be positive.

Breakdowns are tough. She is really struggling right now, that's unfortunate.

If keeping her two current kids is the best or most preferred decision, she should be able to go on welfare. Plus it would be pretty cool to do something like start donations toward her. Maybe post fliers or mention it on a website or something.

I've seen before someone on Myspace post a bulletin asking if anyone could help out with money or anything to help his friend who had just gotten in a car accident and also lost his job.

There are also food stamps, and as well, someone in my family used to go to the food pantry to get food donated to them. They give a LOT, really, especially if they determine it is really needed.

It sounds really, really bad.... I hope she comes out of this soon.

Answer 4

It sounds like she needs to start making better life decisions.

Answer 5

im in the same living situation, only im not pregnant and i only have one child. first off, she should go on wic/welfare/EBT. once she is signed up for that she should go and get equal housing applications or HAP. then she will be able to afford her own place for really cheap, the welfare office will help out with babysitting programs when she finds a decent job. and tell her to just keep her eye out all the time for a good paying job opportunity. life always gets better.

Answer 6

With friends like Kat, you don't need enemies.   Not meaning to be crass, but Kat seems like the type of person who will wind up a basket case and you will be stuck with taking care of her kids or being the grinch of the century handing them off to foster-care.  Can you really take all this on your shoulders?   Under the circumstances, adoption seems like a good idea, but just one adoption may not be enough.   I feel for you, honey, and I'm sure that subsequent responders will curse my name (it is easy to do), but if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your friend and her problems, which are staggering.

Answer 7

give her support

Answer 8

I'm sorry that your friend is having such bad luck - at least she has you as a good friend to help her through the rough times. That's great.

I'm unaware of when her due date is - but in the meantime - she can research thoroughly into the subject of adoption - and make an informed decision for herself, the baby, and her two boys.

I know too many women that have regretted their adoption decision down the track - because situations always change - and losing a child is no easy feat. Adoption IS a long term solution to an often short term problem. There can be adverse psychological damage to the mother, the child and to other family members. If it does need to happen - then it needs to happen well - to ensure that the child does not feel unwanted.

If she plans to go the adoption route - she MUST find a reliable and ethical adoption agency - not just one that will tell her what she wants to hear now - and then will ignore her completely down the track once they have her child. (seriously - this happens far too often)

She will need your support to help her be strong to stand up for her rights - as often the relinquishing mother is in a less powerful position in the adoption game.

It would be best for the child and her kept sons to have an open adoption - so that they can all know each other throughout their lives - and again - beware of those that promise open - but then close up the adoption down the track. Open adoptions are not law enforceable.

Also, please have her make out detailed family and medical history papers for the child. (of both her and the child's father - he may be a dead-beat in her eyes currently - but he is the biological father of this child - and the child deserves to know all that belongs to him/her).

She needs to form her own opinions from a great range of information - not just the adoption agencies. They are just out to make a buck (well - a heap of bucks) off her child - they will not always tell her what she truly needs to know.

Please pass on some of the following websites and blog addresses - for her to do some reading.

I wish her all the very best.

http://origins-usa.org/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://www.theadoptionshow.com/home2.php

Answer 9

Refusing to help with the adoption part because why should the kid be punished?

But on the side of your friend support her and help her all you can. But don't do everything for her and allow her to sit on her backside and get depression help her but don't do things for her.

Answer 10

wow .. there are good people Left in the would still....

well while i do not like adoption but from what you have said there is something there that could address all the issue that i have with the adoption....

if you and your Hubie take the child for her and adopted it then at lest if she so wont's to she will still get to see the child and so will the other children she has too so they will know there family.. that is if your up to doing that type of thing...

good luck and i hope you can  do it this way

Answer 11

Whow, what a story, as for the adpotion, some

hospitals have programs that once the baby

is born it can be put up for adpotion right away,

check on that, and you need to tell your friend

to start getting her life togeather because now

she already has 2 children and she needs to

concentrate on them and figure out what is best

for them. Remember there are plenty of non-

baby making applications that she needs to use

as already having 2 and now a third one and not

a man to help her she needs to start stopping

having babies for awhile.

Answer 12

First of all, get her to counseling which medicaid or welfare, I think, would pay for, so that she can see  that the guy did her a favor. She and the 2 kids are better of without this unloving, unkind man.

And remember, things can happen in life that make you think you'll never be happy again, but for all she knows, she could meet a loving man next year or whenever, and end up having an awesome life.  

God bless u and your husband for being so supportive of ur friend, how loving of u to be there for her, when she so needs you. But, divorce and betrayal are tuff issues to deal with and she'll need tons of support, so get her to counseling, so she can get even more support.

Answer 13

Simply put ~ Just be there for her as much as possible...............

Answer 14

silly me and I always thought you got pregnant from having unprotected s*x ? who knew it was just dumb luck?

Answer 15

I'm not too sure about Rhode Island, but I would look into foster care. I'm not saying look for a temporary home, but some people are waiting to adopt throught foster care. I'm sure that will all the work that they do, that baby will be put into a good home. The waiting list of a baby can be very long and if she starts the process now, then that baby will have the advantage of being with it's adoptive mother from day one!

Answer 16

Your all ready being a really good friend.  Can you help her to find a new job?  Once she has a job and has put away a some you can help her look into cheap housing in your area, there might even be something for single mothers. Does her deceased husband have any family that would be willing to help her out at least in regards to the boys; this could remove at least some burden. She can also sign up for the food stamp program, welfare. As far as health insurance you can do a search for unemployed health insurance perhaps you and her or just you can browse some sites and find something that works for her.  

You could also help her look into adoption agency’s and counselors. Even if she is for sure she wants to place her unborn baby I think it still wise she talk to a counselor.

I am truly sorry for your friend and this is the worst time of the year for things like this to happen. Just try and encourage her that things will get better, it may not seem like it. But a year from now she will likely be in a much better position.  She clearly has a true friend in you and your husband that is more then some people have.

This is website for Rohde Island Toys for Tots

http://www.toysfortotsri.org/

Answer 17

Get a job.  Get a lawyer. Get a divorce. Get child support. Get your tubes tied. She's lucky to have you and yr hubby, you're a good friend. Too bad she's anti-choice...another taxpayer-subsidized child to feed and educate...Jeez, she couldn't think of that when she was ...well, you know what i mean...don't let her watch Fox News, it will only depress her more...